The Journey is more important than the beginning or the end.

Life in the fast lane.

2007-05-07T21:15:00.000-04:00

Listening to:

My life has been one giant blur in the last month and a half or so...

A while back I got food poisoning and I ended up staying in bed in this psuedo-coma state. After about 48 hours of no food, throwing up even water, and practically nonstop sleeping, I had dropped over 10 lbs.

The morning after I had food poisoning, the gas station got robbed, and Rachel was the one running the register. It wasn't until 3-4 hours AFTER that I found this out because of me being disconnected from the world.

I finished school with a breeze for once. Finals week didn't stress me out at all, and I remained at the top of both of my classes.

Work is still going. Soon, Rachel and I will have a car, that way we can traverse around easier. Oh we also got a puppy. She is a Beagle/Boxer mix I think. Not quite entirely sure on it though. She has one brown eye and one blue eye, so we named her Yuna, after the Final Fantasy X Heroine.

Right now I am enjoying my 5 day vacation from work. Rachel and I are sitting here at my mothers house, enjoying being back with the family.

It's hard to believe that in about 2 1/2 weeks, I will be 22. I am reallystartingto feel old, as I see many kids I knew growing up who are seniors in High School. Kids who have always looked really young in my eyes.

Heh...

Before I know it, Cody will be graduating.

The absence of The Marcness

2007-03-14T02:21:00.000-04:00

Listening to: Hoobastank: Every Man For Himself (The First of Me)

Wow, I have neglected my life documentation as of late. Been busy though, ya know?

Now that I think back, it has been a long time. Christmas came and went. No white Christmas this year, but it was compensated with the time I got to spend with my family, who I really miss. I haven't been home since Christmas. I devote myself to my job, school and afterwards, I retire the night with some videogames. I was in hibernation mode through this last few months. You would be lucky to see me step out of my house on my free time.

Occasionally I would go to the mall. I have a new Nintendo DS that Mom got me for Xmas. Rachel plays it more than I do though! I can't pry her off of it. So while she enjoyed trying to beat the new Final Fantasy III before I could, I replayed Final Fantasy XII, which IMO, is one of the best games I have ever played. The second time through was just as good as the first, if not better. I caught more of the storyline and experienced it better because I knew what was going on (it's a game about waring empires, and politics, with constant reference to other cultures you don't learn full about untill the end of the game). I finally finished it my second time through tonight for Rachel, so she could watch the end of the game. I have Dave hooked on it now as well (which says a lot, he isn't a big fan of console games).

This last week, after years of waiting, and a month and a half of hunting for it, I got my hands on a copy of the SNES port to Gameboy of Final Fantasy VI. It has been 10 years since I have played that game, and it is bringing back a lot of memories. I also picked up the port of Final Fantasy IV, thus completing my Final Fantasy Collection, exluding Final Fantasy Tactics for the Playstation One.

Rachel and Dave both work at the gas station now. I worry about Rei. She is dedicated to the Gas Station as much as I am. Helping out when we stop in to pick up smokes, or something to drink. Coming in when they need a hand. It wears on me, but she is taking 2 more classes than I am and working another part time job. Her and I never get to spend any time together anymore, and we share the same bed... she is exhausting herself. That girl is a warrior.

School is going great. I am one of the top students in my College Math and Digital Illustration classes. I am also one of the best employees at my job (so says my management). I get along great with new management. They are really cool people. Sue is my store manager, and Kim and Lesa are assistants. Sue kinda reminds me of my own mother because of how she doesn't take shit from anyone. lol, even if she is far right wing republican, she is pretty cool. Kim is a year younger than me, so I like to pick on her when she is being an airhead (which is often... lol... I will prolly receive crap from her at work now) >.>

So over all life is rolling through the days without slowing down any. Today we hit 65 degrees and it was beautiful out. I have the window open now and enjoying being able to sit around in my tank top without freezing. I feel revitalized, and motivated. Hopefully all this energy lasts through the next week, when I can finally return to Shelby and see my family. I miss them dearly.

Joey and Cody's birthdays are coming up. I will prolly go out to the mall and birthday shop for them. That is one of the reasons for me to return home. The other is because I need to see my family. I am going crazy being cut off from everyone I care about. I am stealing Rachel that weekend too. Hopefully... that is. Her second job might not be so gracious as to let her go with out a problem. *grumbles*

Well, I guess I am going to end this, close my laptop and open my gameboy and retire for the night. Just letting everyone know I am still alive, kickin, and cocky as ever.

Castlevania: The Movie

2007-01-19T17:22:00.000-05:00

Castlevania: The Movie
Listening to:The Bagel Shop Radio

So my brother emailed me today, with some of the best news in a long time. Well, something I can look forward to that is. These articles are from ign.com:

Anderson Discusses Castlevania
Will Simon Belmont "whip it good?" How much involvement will Konami have? Answers within. by Chris Carle

June 29, 2006 - Paul W.S. Anderson has made a career of transmuting the world of videogames to the silver screen. His resume includes Mortal Kombat and the Resident Evil films, and he's currently working on adaptations of Castlevania and the Atari hit Driver. In short, he is the perfect keynote speaker for a conference entitled the "Hollywood and Video Games Summit." We caught up with him at this event recently and asked him about the upcoming Castlevania film.

"It's going to explain how the Belmont clan and Dracula first come into contact, so in a way, it's going to be a genesis story of the clash between the Belmonts and Dracula," Anderson explained. "It's going to span the ages as well, which is one of the fun things about the games. There are Castlevania games in the 1500s, there are Castlevania games in the Second World War, there are Castlevania in the future, and we're going to take the same kind of approach. It's going to be a very mythic story spanning hundreds of years, but the key characters are going to be Dracula and Simon Belmont. And the whip is going to be intact, although there'll be lots of other weaponry as well."

When asked what aspects of the game he would retain, Anderson answered, "I was a big fan of Castlevania originally as a 2D game. I think it's had a very patchy transition into 3D, although the last two 3D games have been pretty damn good. What I particularly liked about the last two games has been the artwork that's accompanied them. I think it's got a very lush, Romantic, gothic look to it, and that's very much going to be the look of the movie. And also, the music is excellent. I think that's a very strong aspect of the videogames, and that's something we're very keen [on]."

Fans of the game may wonder how much input Konami, the game maker, will have in the production. Addressing this question, Anderson responded, "Whenever I get involved in a videogame adaptation, I sit down with the people that created it, and we sat down and had a very big meeting with Konami, and I got complimented on my use of chopsticks, so I got respect. We talked about the things we wanted to keep intact. Very much, it was the artwork and it was the music, so if we can use the same composer, I think we will try to."

Anderson is currently in the middle of production on Resident Evil: Extinction, and then will turn his attentions to Castlevania. For more information on the film as it develops, keep your browser pointed to IGN FilmForce.

Rogue Playing Castlevania
New game-to-film adaptation details emerge! by IGN Staff

November 2, 2006 - Rogue Pictures has hooked up with genre filmmaker Paul W.S. Anderson and Crystal Sky Entertainment to help bring the classic videogame Castlevania to the big screen. Rogue, according to today's Variety will distribute the $50 million film in North America. Dimension Films, who had been previously linked with the project, dropped the movie after they failed to warm up to Anderson's script.

A number of new details have emerged about the Resident Evil and Mortal Kombat filmmaker's approach to the project. Anderson's script reportedly spans many time periods but mostly takes place in 15th century Transylvania. The movie is described as a fresh take on the Dracula legend, taking it back to the beginning with the story of Romanian prince Vlad the Impaler.

"You could almost call this movie Dracula Begins, Anderson told Variety.

Rogue co-president Andrew Rona says the movie is an "action/horror project in the vein of Underworld and Blade." He adds that the studio is hoping to turn Castlevania into a franchise.

Benedict Carver, president of co-backer Crystal Sky, says, "This is not what you'd call a typical videogame movie, it's a legend with a strong romantic element."

As in the game, much of the movie's drama is expected to be played out within Dracula's castle, a story element that appeals to Anderson. "Ever since I made Event Horizon, I've been obsessed with the idea of a location that's a character in the story, of being trapped in an environment that's out to get you," Anderson told the trade.

Anderson also says that the game's gothic visuals and eerie music will serve as his inspiration for the look and sound of the film.

Locations are reportedly being scouted in Hungary and Romania for a possible shoot starting in the spring. The castle set will be built in Budapest.

Keep watching IGN for more!

So yeah... I am getting chills just thinking about it. I just finished Castlevania Portrait of Ruin. Ironically, the Morris family is now the wielders of the legendary Vampire Killer Whip. It is in my blood, I have been destined to be a Castlevania fan. I always have been since that day way back when I was about 5....

Math in the US

2007-01-09T16:59:00.000-05:00

Math in the US
Listening to: Nothing... in the Library

The Evolution of Math in the United States

Last week I purchased a burger and fries at McDonalds for $3.58.

The counter girl took my $4.00 and I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies. While looking at the screen on her register, I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this?

Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s...

Teaching Math In 1950

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1960

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

Teaching Math In 1970

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?

Teaching Math In 1980

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20 Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

Teaching Math In 1990

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.)

Teaching Math In 2006

Un ranchero vende una carretera de madera para $100. El cuesto de la produccion era $80. Cuantos tortillas se puede comprar?

No time. No updates. No life.

2006-11-06T10:42:00.000-05:00

No time. No Updates. No Life.
Listening to: My iPod.

I can't wait until December. About another 4 weeks. 4 weeks until I am done with this semester and I have a month off to concentrate on mysefl, family, Rachel, and work.

Lately it seems time is of the essence. Rush Rush Rush. That's all I do anymore. In the midst of rushing around, I stop and check my email on my laptop. No time or journal updates, chatting, and the other good things like surfing the net.

A lot has happened though, in what seems like the blink of an eye.

Well, I am at the top of my photo class. I am setting the bell curve which is amazing. Illustration is one of those classes where I have slept through it 5 mondays in a row. Jon, my teacher doesn't care though. he likes my work and when he comes over to check on me (when I do show up) he compliments me and doesn't have to sit and talk about what I need to do. He says he see's a lot of progress taking place with me. This is one of those things that make people feel confident.

So why am I missing so much class? Work. That gas station is basackwards. I usually work 5-12am ever day. 7 hours. Not bad eh? BUT... we actually only get paid for 6 hours a day because we have to take an hour worth of breaks. Sometimes, we are so busy we don't ever get to our breaks. She still takes them out regardless though. This also adds up to people never getting a full 40 hours a week unless they work everyday. So I work as much as I can to pay bills and buy art supplies. My days off usually are on the days I have school so in essence, I have no day off.

For those who know me, I am sarcastic and not affraid to say what's on my mind. Well, about 2 weeks ago (Wednesday) I got suspended from work for a week. Zach and Jeffrey were in the office and they were on the work phone talking to me on my cell phone while I was up behind Register One. I knew they were next to the camera monitor so I turned around, looked into the security camera and flipped them off.

The next day I wake up to a voicemail saying I was on suspension for my behaviour at work the night before. My boss didn't have a problem with it though. I heard she even chuckled. That is until her boss called. Our store is under review because we have a big sum of cigs missing from stock. Her boss, Margo, has the videofeeds connected to her laptop. I did not know this. She saw this and so did corp. Thus, Vicky had to take disciplinary action. I am just glad I didn't loose my job over it. Although I did reep some benefits to this.

I became a hero to some of those at work. *chuckles* Ballsy. I also got a week long vacation where I went home for two days. Jared had his going away party. He is now in Iraq. Not just a good bye party though. A Kekgar, costume party, with a bunch of people there. He made a FUGLY woman. Joe went as a streaker. *laughs* A goodone at that too. I went as a pirate. We had such a great time. The following morning we went to breakfast at the bakery and enjoyed each others company at a meal one last time for about 2 years. I will miss him.

Did I mention he will be a daddy in May?

FINAL FANTASY XII came out last week. Of course, I had my reservation already made a year before. I went to the mall and stood in line waiting for it to be released at Midnight. I was number 5 in line. The four guys in front of me were talking of going to TGI for a beer after getting their claim slip. It sounded like a plan to me, but I didn't have anymore money after that event. So they all chipped in to bring me along for a beer.

The free time I have had I have spent playing FFXII this last week. It's one of those games it's hard to pull yourself away from because you want to know what happens next in the story line. the battle system is a lot like Final Fantasy XI, which revolutionizes FF style game play. For better or for worse? It's all opinion.

Right now I am supposed to be in Jon's Illustration class, but I don't have a photo reference I need to start my water color. Meh, so I will ust start it wednesday. not like I have other classes to worry about right now anyway. Except photo... but I need my paycheck Thursday to get the film I need.

OH YEAH! I got an iPod Video for $50. You gotta love crack heads.

Right now our internet is off. --_-- This is iritating because Rachel and I gave Dave the money for the last two months and he hasn't paid either bills. So that means he has been pocketing the money to fund his club hopping and eating out/going out with everyone he meets from work. Well, he isn't going to squeeze any money out of us until the net is back on.

Another thing that is REALLY annoying me is he always seems to think he can use other people personal products. Brushes, shaving cream, body spray, cologne, gel, hats, etc etc. he NEVER chips in though. The last 3 times Rachel has beeen the one to buy economy size toilet paper packs. Rachel also has a hat that belongs to her best friend. Dave recently made a habit of going into our room to fetch it to wear it to work or the club. I told him Rachel didn't want him using it anymore because it wasn't hers. Well, last weekend she came home and he was getting ready to go out with some girls from work. He had the hat. BUSTED. To get the hat that means he ad to of gone through our room to find it, and the fact that he completly disregards OUR property that we asked him not to use. Or if I say he can use my computer, just turn it off when he is done using it, then he DOESN'T. I changed my password because I was sick of it.

Rachel and I have resulted in buying our own personal groceries and storing them in our fridge and cupboard so they don't get consumed.

*Sizzles* grrrr..... I lost it in a tangent. Oh well. The end of the lease Rachel and I are thinking of finding a place, just the two of us. Dave has a bunch of friends he can room up with here in GR. It's time I broke away and moved on with my life and I think Rachel feels the same way.

her and I are pretty serious. We get a long great and even after being with each other EVERYDAY in and out, we still love being with each other.

I suppose I should go. Class just walked by. Must be that time.

WIP - Rei

2006-10-25T03:00:00.000-04:00

WIP - Rei
Listening to: Castlevania - Curse of Darkness OST

This is part of a piece I am working on currently. Introducing TOC'd Rei!

Grumpy Alpha Male.

2006-09-23T21:29:00.000-04:00

Grump Alpha Male
Listening to:

It has been nearly two months since I have seen my family, or visited home. I have been getting to the point where I am really grumpy, warn out, and home sick. Grand Rapids is nice, but sometimes you need to break away from the city. Away from your normal everday life.

I really don't mean to be such a grump either. It's just I hate living in a pattern. I hate living life like I am on one track and not going anywhere. That includes those I interact with everyday.

I love my roomates, especially Rachel, but sometimes I just need to break away from both of them and do something that doesn't involve them. It's not to say to cut them out of my life. I just sometimes feel suffocated and I can't even break away when I am back in Shelby. I hate sitting on the phone anymore. My phone pisses me off because it gets REALLY warm and the signal pick up SUCKS ASS on it.

Things are going fairly well though. School is going by alright. I am almost a month into school. Work is paying off nicely even though my boss needs to just get a consistant schedule for all of us. Work is pissing me off with the 3rd to 2nd to 1st all in a three day span. This leaves me NO TIME. Every waking hour I spend in that god damn gas station it seems anymore. I am making money, but loosing my mind. I can't wait to have a full staff. Rachel and I have to splice our time together. Which means I have to splice my homework time and freetime for my own enjoyment at the same time.

Rachel has strep throat. It amazes me I am not coughing up a storm like she has been. I do however have a pounding headache from hell. I think maybe I am grumpy because I may be coming down with something, and my body is fighting it off, while at the same time wearing itself out.

I finally finished The Prince of Persia Series on PS2. It is one of those games you really enjoy but at times can piss you off because the game programming messes up (2 was notorious for it). I could see myself replaying it in the future.

I bought Rachel a really nice Leather Jacket last week. She looks super hot in it.

I love that woman. I can see myself spending the rest of my life with her. She is a sweet heart and my brother and mother and her are close too. That means a lot to me. I feel like shit for being so grump with her lately. I just wish she wasn't so dependant on me when I go away. I miss her but I prioritize my time compared to what I usually spend time on. I'll make it up to her somehow.

*yawn* I suppose I should go. Finish my laundry and get home.

To the point of hallucination.

2006-08-30T23:43:00.000-04:00

To the point of hallucination.
Listening to: OCRemix.org

This week I have been working two jobs and I started school as well. I don't remember the last time I have been pushed to my limits. But I got pretty close last night.

I worked at the library, and then booked it to the gas station right after. I was annoyed because I was working until 2AM and had school the next morning, early.

So time went by pretty decently. I was kinda actually enjoying my shift, aside from the fact I was exhausted, and still didn't have my stuff ready for class the following morning. To top it, I had never been walked through an entire register shift, open to close and was never taught paper work or counting the safe. I was fucked from the get go.

I was woking register one, where as my coworker Jason, was on two. Jason was scheduled to leave at 10 PM and be replaced by a girl named Laurena. Laurana would help me the rest of the night.

I asked Jason if I could take my 30 minute break (walk home, do homework, smoke, relax, go back) but he said I would have to wait until Laurana showed up. Ok fine... but at 10:15 she still hadn't shown up. "What gives?" I though. Jason called her and she said "I'LL BE THERE IN 10 MINUTES!" and hung up. He told me to hold out for 10 more minutes and he left. That's when ALL HELL broke loose.

It seemed every god damn bum, crack head, stoner and person out and about decided "LET'S GO TO THE CIRCLE K!" Within 10 minutes I had a line of 40+ people. Pump 5's hose had been sliced too. I couldn't get away from the counter to find a phone number to call because of all the patrons. I was stuck there, and Laurena STILL hadn't shown up.

Now it is 11:30 PM. I still have a line insanely long, and a drawer packed full of cash, needing to be safe dropped. Stocks were dwiddling down to nothing and needing to be restocked, and I hadn't had my break yet. My stamina depleted and my inner demon came out. I gave shit to the customers who even looked at me wrong. It got so bad, Rachel was scared when she looked at me. Complete evil. I for a moment thought how nice it would be if a car came sailing through the front window. Then I realized that I would be without a job being the library job ends next week. So I hoped maybe I could scare some of the customers off or some of them would get pissed from having to wait. I eventually just stopped trying to rush.

Of course, to mix this, Justin, Bernard's bro just HAD to come in with a stupid cronie. I told Rachel to watch him because earlier I thought I saw him stealing stuff. When he got to the counter he asked me what was up with watching him. I told him if I caught him stealing from my store I would kick his ass. Nuff said.

Thank god, if he exists to try my patiance, a lady who is friends with Marcie (2 AM - 8 AM worker) came in, saw the hell and asked me what was going on. I informed her. She made a call and Marcie showed up. Nearly 2 hours of complete HELL.

It gets worse though. Marcie shows up and tells me to forget about my breaks. By now, I have had it even with coworkers. I didn't give a damn if she was a manager. I said "As a manager, you know you put this company and yourself in serious legal action by withholding me of my breaks. After this hell I just went through, I want my damn break." She looked at me, and asked if I have had any of them. I told her 15 minutes at 7 PM. Nuff said there too. I went on a 45 minute break. I fumed, smoke like a chimeny and got a much needed back rub from Rachel (I wish I coulda layed down and gotten it).

I didn't get home till 2:30-45 AM, and didn't fall asleep until 4 AM.

I was a zombie today. Made it through school fine. I even took notes. By work, I was draggin and my head was foggy, spinning, throbbing, and I felt like I was going to throw up.

When I finally made it home (the walk home I DON'T remember) I went straight to bed. I woke up 2 hours later to Rachel. I reached up, hugged her and said:

"Hi Mom!"

I was hallucinating. It wasn't until McD's that my mind finally snapped back fully.

*sigh* I miss home. I have been worried this last few days about Mom and Callee (both in hospital). I am stuck here, in college, working two jobs, and depriving myself of my family... my real home.

I could really use a thunderstorm, an hour long back masage that makes my back jello, a mochafrapochino, a Garcia Vega cigar, and some nice relaxing music, followed by a 14 hour slumber in Shelby.

What I am getting is a Fountain Dew, Black and Mild Cigar, sore feet and back, videogame remixs, and a cold breeze that's causing me to be drowzy.

Sure, the second list isn't bad, but God the first list would be golden. I think I am going to have a smoke before bed.

Oh yeah, Zach applied to (K) and had an interview today!!! If he can get this job he may be able to move down here!

Life in the fast lane.

2006-08-16T23:30:00.000-04:00

Life in the fast lane.
Listening to: Eminem - Curtain Call

I am finally back online!!!

It has been about a month I suppose. A lot can happen in a month.

Well, Rachel, David and I all moved into our new place. We now live on College next to the Circle K Gas Station in a large two bedroom apartment. Moving in sucked because it was A LOT of hard work, on the 3 hottest days of the year.

I now share my room with my girlfriend, who I get a long great with (90% of the time). We share a closet and a small twinsize mattress as well. That sucks. I always wake up smooshed into the wall and window. I often find myseld deciding to sleep on to floor. *snickers*

I brought Rachel to Shelby a few weekends ago. Mom and Joe came down to see our new place, and we all went to a Chinese Buffet afterwards for dinner! We then stopped at Walmart, did some shopping and headed home. Rachel and Mom sat up front while Joey and I played Gameboy in the back. She is the first girl to get along with my Mom that well since, hell, Charity. Laughing, giddy, and always picking on me. >,<

Saturday, Mom, Joey, Rachel, and I went to Charity's wedding. Of course, Charity was excited to see Mom and Joey there, but when she got to me she treated me like I destroyed her good day. WTF, she sent me an invitation. SHe was less than thrilled to see Rei as well.

After the wedding the four of us booked out to the van to have a cig because stupid people drive us insane. Later we went shopping, and than headed home to watch movies, eat pizza and bond.

Sunday, we had Grandpa's birthday party. Great food! Rachel met the family, and everyone took well to her. Especially Grandpa. Grandpa picked on her and flirted with her as he does with the girls he likes.

After eating dinner, and spending time with the family, Josh, Joey, Rachel and I went out to the oval. It was AMAZING out there. Lake Michigan was warm as hell, with waves as big as me coming to shore. The sky was cool looking at there were a decent amount of people there. She likes the oval. ^_^ But who doesn't!?

That night Bob drove us back to GR, and stayed the night. I let him borrow my Gamecube as payment for the shuttle.

Things are going pretty decent around here. I start my second job at the gas station next door on Tuesday. I am also going back to school this fall! I am enrolled for only 2 classes (Monday and Wednesdays); Illustration 2 and Photography. I hope life starts to come around to perfection soon. It is so close I can taste it.

Right now Mom is in Pennsylvania. I hope she is having a fun time. Maybe I will call her...

The comic site is doing well too. New comic, and the site also has a MySpace now! Check it out!

Lately I have been playing Final Fantasy V. LONG ASS GAME. Rachel has been keeping my Gameboy captive as of late as well. Playing Final Fantasy on it. Isn't she awesome!?

I can't really think of much else...

My Celestial Choir

2006-07-30T19:31:00.000-04:00

My Celestial Choir
Listening to:

2 of the answers I had a really hard time putting. Sooo I did the test twice. These were my results.

Find your Celestial Choir

Find your Celestial Choir

Job and home hunting.

2006-07-13T21:13:00.000-04:00

Job and home hunting
Listening to: The Belly Dancers Music.

Lately, things have been getting kinda rushed. With less than three weeks before my lease ends, David and I came to the decision of finding a two bedroom place with my girlfriend, and splitting the rent. Some of the places we have found, if we split the rent, added on utilities, it would be as much as our rent right now alone. Amazing.

This could be interesting. My best friend, and my girlfriend all under the same roof as me, working, trying to get through school and yet maintain sanity with the rest of the world. Heh.

As for school, if finances are looking good by the first or second week of August I may just not go back this semester. If they are somewhat decent I may see if I can take atleast 3 classes.

The internet desk position at the library has another opening!!! I WANT IT! Although I love my delivery position because I can listen to music, it isn't nothing compared to $10.68 an hour. I also applied to Buckle online and they sent me an email asking to call to schedule an interview. I will prolly do that tomorrow after I get out of work.

Heh.

I got out of work Tuesday and it was POURING. I mean, huge friggin rain drops slamming down in a solid wall. As I walked home up Fulton, I realized everyone who drove by was smiling big or laughing. Eventually I realized why. I looked down and remembered I was wearing all white. Ontop of that, my pants are see through when wet. I was wearing dark blue boxers. So yeah. I get home to find the power is out because the rain has shorted out our transformer. The power was out for two days following that. NOW, the power is back on but the internet has been disconnected. Dave and I decided with us moving soon, we need all the money we can accumulate, and then later pay off the bills once we are in our new place.

Something about this plan is itching at me. We'll see.

I need a cig.... perhaps I will read Spider Man and wait for Rachel to get out of work. I am actually down here at her work using the internet and sipping on free pop (compliments of one of her coworkers).

Falling For You

2006-06-30T01:38:00.000-04:00

Rei, the light of my day. "FALLING FOR YOU"
Listening to: The train somewhere in the city.

You're the anomaly of my fears.
The towel of all of my tears.
This hearts debut, is over due.
But with you, I know it's true.

My ardent lover, my heavenly bliss.
I thank God everynight, and dream of your kiss.
For he has delivered me an angel with goddess traits
A perfect companion and lover. A perfect mate.

Late at night, after all that we do
I admire your lips and all that is you
If I could only change the past
You would be my first, and my last.

Before you I felt like the worlds biggest zero
Now I want nothing more than to be your hero.
And I know one day the church bells will chime,
for the love of my dreams will be mine.

Until the day that I kneel and take your hand
while walking the beach, our feet in the sand.
Staring at the infinite horizon, the setting sky
breathing in unison, I ask God why.

Why he blessed me with someone perfect like you
an angel of beauty, perfect through and through.
Your smile radiating joy like the morning sun
even in my dreams, til the night has gone.

Our kisses and our bodies, mixing in a harmony
You are the perfect girl, the one for me.
Everynight I thank God, for a dream come true.
Everyday I am falling further, falling for you.

2006-06-29T02:06:00.000-04:00

Ok I am getting annoyed with whoever is getting into any of my accounts without permission. I have changed the passwords on most of my sites, than after a few months, changed it back to match all my passwords on everything else. Still I find every now and then, whoever this person is, still likes to toy with me. Grrr. I will find out whoever it is. If that means going to extreme measures to do so, I may just do it.

Well, now that I have that off my shoulders, what else could I talk about? Hmmm, work is going really well. I enjoyed work today! Even as tired as I was from not getting any sleep I still enjoyed it. After work, I hung with Ben while he was on his break and we sat outside, smoked, and talked. It is nice to have such a free life now. That only thing that stresses me right now are bills. I know once school starts up, that will change and I will be worried about affording supplies and what not. GRRRRR.

Elise and I walked downtown and got Ice Cream. She talked me into walking back down there to walk with her to DQ by offering to buy. Being I hadn't eaten in forever I said "oh damn, I can't turn that down." During this time, I had 3 high school girls stalking me accross the city. Thank God when I got to Elise they left me alone. Figures, we both have great significant others and the opposite sexes still go away when we are with each other.

I came home and veged on the couch and researched hacking FFXI. Still no luck without having to pay for the damn tools. I need FREE!

Tonight really has been me wasting time doing jack shit. I suppose this is why I am updating. JC and I talked as well and we both bad mouthed our... problems to no end. About this point I decided I was really hungry and made pancakes for Dave and I. Tomorrow Dave is buying pizza. WHO RAH! I don't remember the last time I had pizza....

So yeah. FFXI... I am doing this quest and it isn't working for me when I click on the item. It always says "It slips through your fingers and floats down the stream." Fricken thing. I give up... for tonigh that is.

YESTERDAY! Yesterday was when I had a slice of pizza from Peppino's accross the street. Ohhhh good ol 1.30 slice of pizza. Wow... I am loosing it. I need a cig and a glass of tequila... come to think of it... I have both!!!! I haven't drank in nearly 2 weeks I think...? Yeah. When BW was here. We drank. Oiy, night....

Oh yeah.... MEOW.

Twenty One, Tower is Gone, Heart Is Renewed.

2006-06-13T19:42:00.000-04:00

Twenty One, Tower is Gone, Heart Is Renewed.
Listening to: Videogame Remixes from OCREMIX.

I have a lot to catch up on as usual.

The week of my birthday was awesome. Saturday I went to a wedding with Elise. Heh heh heh. OPEN BAR! I also made both my hands into Popes using the napkins the had on the table. Elise kept yelling at me. *snicker*

After the wedding, her and I drove to Shelby for my family birthday party the next day. When we got there, my bro had a bunch of friends waiting for my arrival. Needless to say, he got me alcohol for my birthday, and we went out to the woods. Elise has never been out there. We had a good time and I saw Nessa too! I miss her. She wil always be one of my angels.

The next day, I woke up to my aunt mowing the lawns, and Elise and I chilled. Cody and I went out fourwheeling, ran out of gas in the woods, and eventually got back home.

When the party started, we had more people show up than we had planned. Friends I haven't seen in a year. It was amazing. It is nice to know, even when I move away and come back home, I still have this great legion of [eM followers].

My Mom really did make it an awesome party though. She made Tacos, and two cakes!!!! German Chocolate, and Cream Cheese Spice. MMMMMMM. It was the most memorable birthday for sure.

Mom gave me money, as did Grandma and Grandpa. Aunt Angie and Jody got me a fifth of coconut rum, buttershots and tequila rose. Joe gave me money and liquor! WOOT!

During the end of the party, I took cody outside with the wooden katanas and started showing him how to sword fight. The kid learns fast, and almost delivered the coup de grat (???) to me a few times. I played the defense and told him to attack me as if he wanted to actually hit me.

I love that kid to death. I am so proud of him. He has scored higher that his class on a lot of his subjects in school. We talk all the time, on the phone and online. He uses his gmail account I made him, and we use the built in chat system to chat.

ANYWAYS! After the party, Elise and I and Cody went to Crystal Lake and we swam out to the middle for a while, than swam back. Good times... good times.

The next day was a relax day. Elise and I went out to the Oval before we headed back to GR. It was beautiful out there as I expected it to be. I ran into so many people from my past, it was nice to feel like I still feel the past.

The following days were pleasant. I got my home fix. That following week my phone broke though. Grrrr. I went in to the phone store to see what I had to do to get another phone. They told me I was eligable for an upgrade after 18 months. When they checked, they said that day marked 18 months for me. WOW. Sweet timing. SO I got my new phone, but sadly lost a lot of numbers.

That Friday, I was working my stupid two hour shift and Rachel, a girl from college came in and as usual, we talked. She put her new cell phone number into my phone, and told me I should come into her work while she is working to have coffee and the such. Now, I was going to do this last time she came into the library. When she called my phone to leave her number on the call ID, I was out of service I guess (it was in my locker). I never got her number, therefore couldn't call her, and never ended up going. This time though, she started her shift just as I got off of mine. I decided I would.

Her and I were talking of good books, and she recommended Ender's Game to me. I figured, ah what the hell, I will try it out. I checked that, and a programming book out, left work, and went and visited her at the Mezze/San Chez. I ordered my coffee, sat down and started reading. She kept smiling at me from accross the room.

Something only a few people know is I have had a crush on her since Greenwood's class, first semester. Infact, in a previous journal entry I may have mentioned her as the girl at McDonalds who hooked me up with food. ^_^

When she finished work, her and I decided to get dinner at Jimmy Johns, and then went back to my place to have some vodka. Her, Dave and I sat around drinking, watching movies and having a good time. Well one thing led to another, and we hooked up that night. Since then, we have been inseperable. I talk to her about everything, and I try to get her to open up as much as possible to me. She is a pretty closed book, but it is more of a low self esteem thing I think.

Since then, we have practically lived together. Either my place or hers. She cooks for me too! A few mornings she made pancakes, and a few nights she made some really great dishes. On our free time, we have been reading, talking, playing pokemon, hanging out, surfing the net, or she watches me play videogames while she does her own thing. Life is good.

She just recently got a second job. I am glad for her. Being a semi-self supportive independant in college newely in the big world of adulthood is tough. I have been applying around for about two months now. I even was selected along with 2 others for a promotion interview. Sadly I didn't get it though. Seniority over ruled. Good for Roger though. He deserved it because he has slaved as a page for a few years now, and hasn't ever missed a day of work.

I went home the following weekend and saw the family for Father's Day. Saturday, I took Joey and Chris out to the oval. All three of us went out there without sunscreen. After only a few hours, we were all sunburned, wind burned and sand blasted bloody red. Joey has second degree burns, where as I have first, and Chris, the lucky bastard just got a minor sun burn. Last year same thing happened to me. You think I would learn. HA. Right.

Oh yeah I saw Molly too. Not much to say there. That's a book I have closed and don't really care to read into. I know how everything ends and frankly I didn't like the ending. If it would have ended differently... maybe softer, than I wouldn't really mind. Let me put it this way. You are enjoying a nice tall shake. A perfect shake, and right when you get to the bottom you find a dead mouse. It makes the whole experience seemingly vanish and replaces it with disgust. This last month, I found the mouse.

I am not saying I won't be her friend, but I refuse to be toyed with or watch my friends be toyed with. I would like to be her friend but for now, I am not making any effort into keeping this friendship alive when I am not entirely sure what the hell she wants out of it. We'll see where the scenario ties into life later on.

Besides, if her and I hadn't ever ended I wouldn't have found who I truly to believe one of my destined soul mates out there. A Kirsten Dunst look alike, Pokemon playing, Spider Man absessed, jewelry design major, artistically inclined with the heart of an angel. Her heart is as corrupted as mine, BUT she cares for others and me with love, respect and dedication. Another thing I like about her is she smokes and drinks. So when I am sitting with Dave having a cigar and a rum, she doesn't bitch at me, she joins in! That means when her, Mom and I all go out to coffee, we can all sit, smoke and talk. Which leads me to a major kudos about her.

She LOVES Egyptian type things. On her lower back she has a tattoo of a lotus flower (which is Egypts flower) and in the center of it is the Eye of Horus. Around her neck she wears a gold necklace with the Ankh of Life pendant. This is a kudos because My mom too is obsessed with Egyptian type things. The fact that she is a sweet girl capable of not being sneaky and a liar, sets her pretty damn good in my Mom's book. If she is right off with the most important woman in my life, than she is [eM] approved. I decided to start listening to my Mom's opinions on things because she is usually right (not always, don't let it go to your head Mom ~_^).

While she sits online, she talks with Cody, and he is thrilled by this. She has taken to those in my life so well, it amazes me. I love it. I love the fact she isn't jealous of Elise. Elise approves of her too. She gave a ring she made to Elise and needless to say, Elise was as happy as a monkey screwing a football. >,<

Dave likes her too. Infact, I don't know anyone who doesn't like her. Oh my sweet angel.

Well, Ender's game was fantastic. A book I would definetly read again. I immediatly picked up the parallel novel Ender's Shadow to start reading about one of the other characters. In need to get Rei and Mom to go to the book store for reading and coffee here sometime. That would kick.

Oh man, another tangent. Ok, so before going to the oval, I woke up to Joey screaming "THE TOWER!" I awoke to see that the tower was being torn down. I watched a chunk of my heart get destroyed. My most favorite spot in the world... gone. A monument of my childhood. Of my Mother's childhood. Torn down because of our new neighbor complaining about us "kids" going up there. He convinced Wiks that it was a liability issue. BOOM, they destroy it. In comes a great thing in my life and out goes another. Typical. Rei never got to experience it. #(&$#$&@ Just earlier Cody tells me "THE CHIMENY IS GONE!" WTF WTF WTF. THOSE FUCKING BASTARDS!!! Another monument that made those woods unique... GONE. How many woodlands can you walk into and find a 30 foot tall chimeny standing in the middle of it? NONE. I guess this is a sign that my childhood has ended. I always thought I would be able to show my kids the tower and the house foundations. I guess I will only be able to tell them of it. For shame.

This week I started my new position at the library. I work delivery now. Head guy of delivery left and I figured I needed more hours. So I switched. My work shift is now Monday - Thursday, 1-5, and alternating Friday and Saturday, 9-1. I get to listen to music, talk and hang out with Ben, and listen to books on CD. Rockin!

I need to figure out how I am makning rent this month. I hope I can go home this weekend and work with Don. It would save my ass. If not, I am going to have to talk to Mom. Damnit... this new job will help straighten things out in a few weeks. Thank God.

Speaking of God... Charity gets married in about a month. DAMN. Josh is also leaving for college in Indiana.

I have decided after college, I am moving out of country to settle down. To Ireland. Rei had the same plans, so hopefully we will still be together, and we will go together. By then, Mom should have her island (she is going to become a Millionare somehow) and I will be such a wealthy artist from my business plan that I can afford to travel home to see everyone.

It has taken a long ass time to type this. Close to two weeks. Futher Mucker. I am such a put off.

I think I will head to bed now. Just thought I would update on being 21, growing out of childhood and my new skater chick heart throb. I am sure I am forgetting something but that pillow is distracting me.

Am I Missing?

2006-06-03T06:30:00.001-04:00

Am I Missing?
Listening to: Dashboard Confessionals

Sharp disaster in a fresh new coma
Was it worth it when it was over?
Proving yourself right, you'd make the biggest noise

Well, I'd lock my hands behind my head
I'd cover my heart and hit the deck
I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you

Chorus:
(It's a long wait)
Is there anything?
(For an answer)
Worth looking for?
(Is there any news?)
Worth loving for?
(Is there any word?)
Worth lying for?
(Was there trama?)
Is there anything?
(Or a struggle?)
Worth waiting for?
(Am I missing?)
Worth living for?
(Or was the body found?)
Worth dying for?

I'm home (x4)

Sharp disaster in a fresh new coma
Was it worth it when it was over?
Proving yourself right, you'd make the biggest noise

Well, I'd lock my hands behind my head
I'd cover my heart and hit the deck
I'd brace myself for the impact if I were you

(Repeat Chorus)

I'm home (x5)

(Repeat Chorus)

I'm home (x4)

so yeah. Rachel from college and I hung out tonight. We, well, we sorta hooked up for the night. I have had a crush on her since fall, and I never had the courage to tell her, or even ask her out. That is, until tonight when I decided to drink the present Joe got me for my birthday. I am glad I did, because courage didn't even play a factor in it. It was more shear stupidity and freedom that made me take a hold of her hand, kiss her, etc etc. Right now, she is in my bed sleeping. I just put her to bed, and I am oddly still awake, even though I have to work in about 5 hours. Damn it all, I wish I could spend the day... the weekend... with her.

Her beuaty is spectacular. She looks like a punk Kursten Dunst. Maybe that's why I am so attracted to her. I could be her Spider Man. She is such a free spirit too. She has this interest in Egytpian stuff like my Mom, which is major kudos in my Mom's book, and mine! *sigh* I hope this goes somewhere... I really like her. She lives about 10 minutes away, and she too is open to her emotions.

I learned this week, I take bad girls and corrupt them. How? Well, she is such a wild sweet person. Only I know what I mean I guess.

Breathing

2006-06-01T01:11:00.000-04:00

Breathing
Listening to: Yellowcard

Breathing -
Eyes are feeling heavy but they never seem to close
The fan blades on the ceiling spin but the air is never cold
And even though you are next to me I still feel so alone
I just can't give you anything for you to call your own

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

Something I've been keeping locked away behind my lips
I can feel it breaking free with each and every kiss
I couldn't bear to hurt you but it's all so different now
Things that I was sure of, they have filled me up with doubt

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

How am I supposed to feel about the things I've done?
I don't know if I should stay or turn around and run
I know that I hurt you, things will never be the same
The only love I ever knew, I threw it all away

And I can feel you breathing
And it's keeping me awake
Can you feel it beating?
My heart's sinking like a weight

I can feel you breathing
It's keeping me awake
Could you stop my heart? It's always beating.
Sinking like a weight

God Damn It.

2006-05-31T01:15:00.000-04:00

FUCK! SHIT!
Listening to: Dave's friends talk about a game.

Just to let everyone know:

My phone earlier today decided to be connected by only one hinge. Tonight, as Elise and I walked out of her place, it fell off my belt and smashed on the ground into two pieces.

I took it apart hoping to reconnect the cables but it is unreparable. I will be phoneless for a while. Damn it all.

So email me or send me an instant message.

Sorry everyone.

[eM] - The Hero of Today

2006-05-30T23:35:00.000-04:00

[eM] - The Hero of Today
Watching: Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children with Elise

I decided to go to Elise's place to hang out there tonight. On my way out, I had quite an interesting event take place.

On the other side of Gay Street, there is this house that always seems to have a bunch of people there. One of the girls there, I see at work, and a majority of the time, while I am walking down the street. She is really cute.

Anyways, tonight her and a friend were standing outside the steps making a commotion. I crossed the street to get a better observation, and she looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and asked her "What's going on?"

They told me a bat was in their entry way and they were trying to kill it. I smirked and walked up and said "Don't kill the bat. He eats the bugs." They asked me what they should do. I walked over to them, set my bag down, and walked to the doorway. I sure enough see this bat clung to the corner of the mud room.

"You aren't going to go in there are you?" I laughed, and said I was going to catch it for them and release it. I walk in, shut the door behind me, and look around at this small room I am in. The door to the house had a guy and a girl peering through the window at the bat.

I reached up and poked the bat, and it started flapping around in this tiny 3x6 foot room. Eventually it landed and I reached out and grabbed it. I turned back open the door, held out my hand and let it go outside.

The girls walked up and thanked me and she introduced herself to me. Heather. She said she has seen me around a lot and I told her it's because I live across the street in the apartment building. She smiled and I told her to have a good night, grabbed my bag and walked back to the street. She called out "Stop by sometime. It was nice meeting you, and thanks so much!"

I have had this big smirk on my face. I love playing the hero. Even if I can't stand a bat flapping in my face normally. I honostly am really surprised with myself.

So yeah... I played the role of a hero to a hot girl in distress tonight. Just thought I would log it down and share it with everyone here on my blog/myspace journal.

I did have quite an interesting weekend too. I ran into the girl I saved from being stung to death by bees a few years ago at the Oval, among other things. I will update on the weekend tomorrow after work.

THE BIG 21!!!!!

2006-05-26T02:18:00.000-04:00

THE BIG 21!!!!
Listening to: Oleander - Unwind

Wow... where do I begin? How about Monday night?

Monday I got out of work and once it hit midnight I was out buying liquor. Ashleigh's bf came over with her, so it was all of us up all night partying.

I was so out of it, I recorded stuff down just so I wouldn't forget it the next day.

Elise came over Tuesday afternoon and her and I walked to get pizza, and to the bank. We then headed downtown to NQ to see everyone.

I got back to my apartment and her and I sat around waiting for Danielle and Yunyu, because we were supposed to go bar hop, but Yunyu was stuck in East Lansing (grrr stupid Chris guy) and Danielle wouldn't return my calls or pick up. So I never ended up going to the bar, but I guess it was a good thing because everyone showed up shortly after we got back.

Stevo, Mike, Ashleigh, Josh, Emily, Elise, Trevor, Hannah, Adena, Katie, Dave, Matt, Bernard, and I swear I am missing a few. There were so many people here at one point I had to move all the furniture. Elise ordered pizzas (little brat wouldn't let me chip in), and we all sat around playing videogames. Ashleigh continued to make me mixed drinks (she likes doing that for me) and sadly Elise went home. Stevo and Mike also sang an awesome birthday song for me. It was hillarious.

Ashleigh and Josh passed out in my room, Trevor on the couch, and the girls, Dave and I sat around playing guitar, singing, dancing and I got spoiled with attention from the girls. I ended up kissing all three of the girls by the end of the night, which roxored totally! Hannah and Katie were brawless, which was really humour because at times it showed. Especially Katie. I would kiss her neck and she would be all gitty.

The spin the bottle game was humorous though. Dave would spin and it kep landing on me, and vice versa. We would kiss each other's cheeks and forehead. *shudder* That was weird.

A 30 hour span of embibing alcohol.... and no hang over. I amaze myself. I didn't throw up once. Dave did around 5 AM Tuesday before he went to bed. The kid is a tiny but he can drink. If he slowed it down he may build a tolerance for it.

The picture above is me wearing Katie's black bra. This was sometime after 9 PM Tuesday...

She took it off and threw it to me, so I put it on and she took a snap shot on the last ounce of battery she had in her camera.

I am REALLY happy and shocked Katie came. I haven't seen her since Ryan and Dave came down to GR last fall the week I moved here. That's actually when I met her. When her and Hannah and Hannah's sister Adena walked in, it blew my mind. I was only expecting Hannah. Seeing her really helped make my night. Those girls are awesome!

This weekend Elise and prolly Yunyu are coming back to Shelby with me. We are having the family bday party on Sunday. From what I hear Jared, Ryan, Don, and a few others are going to be there. There is a chance Molly may be too! OMG, I haven't seen her since November. *sigh* The one person I expected to call on my birthday, and she never did. I was really bummed about that.

...

Well, I guess it doesn't matter. She has a bf now, and really doesn't care for me anymore. It still would've made me happy. Elise told me to forget about her. Maybe I should. I really hope she is coming to Shelby though.

Overall, this birthday was a blast. It will go down in history. The fun has just begun though. My new friends in GR take care of me and I love all of them. It's weird, in Shelby I had a lot of close friends but none of them were protective like the ones here.

Tomorrow, Katie is coming over in the morning and we are hanging out, walking to Little Bohemia, and she is going to make me a hemp necklace. We both have to work in the afternoon, but there is a chance we will be hanging out afterwards.

Saturday I am going to a wedding with Elise. After that, to SHELBY! BWAHAHAHA!

What a great week! Oh for documentation for future reference, I had Tequila, Rum, Smirnoff, Beer, and Vodka on this day!!!

Ce Suo Zai Na Er!?

2006-05-22T04:42:00.000-04:00

Ce Suo Zai Na Er!?
Listening to: Dave snoring.

Wow, what a day. I woke up still sore from the dance club the other night.

Once up though, I got ready for the day and walked down to the coffee shop with Dave. We sat and had coffee until Yunyu called me.

I made the walk back up past my house and like another 20 minutes to East Town. When I got to her place, Wong, her friend let me in and we went upstairs to Yunyu's apartment.

She was cooking when I arrived. She made a really... REALLY good chinese meal for me. Awww, she is such a doll. Even though she can't have spicey food, she knew I loved it. She spiced up the dishes and eventually we had dinner. Dave showed up just as dinner was starting so he ate with us three.

Wong and Yunyu both kept speaking in Chinese, so Dave and I spoke in pig-latin which drove her insane. She kept "lobster pinching" me in the sides because she knew we were making fun of her. LOL.

Sadly the comic store was closed when I got around to it. Thursday her and I may go and check it out. Wait... shit... I have to work Thursday. Damn, I may have to postpone it until next week.

Dave walked back into Grand Rapids from there to meet Leana for coffee. Yunyu and I headed back to her place and I studied Chinese for about 2 hours. Wong and Yunyu kept laughing at my attempts. Just because you say one thing in Chinese, it can have an entirely different meaning with the tone you use. I said "Where are the toilets" and Wong keeled over laughing stating that if I had said that in China I would have gotten my ass kicked. I asked why and he said "Because you just said 'YOU ARE A FEMALE TOILET!' The tone you used was the wrong one.

Wong eventually left and Yunyu wanted to show me all her clothes, dresses, shoes, etc etc. She loves my style and wants to go shopping with me. ^_^ She is so simple to make happy. She is an adult... older than me, yet, she is so pure and happy.

Afterwards, we layed on her bed and talked for an hour. We talked about our past some more. She has led such a sad sounding life in China, I am surprised she is such an angel. Heh... that reminds me of a post Molly once typed about me three years ago. So much for her angel now...

Laying there talking to her, I was happy and really torn up at the same time. I think she knew why though. It's funny how we can understand each other like reading a book, even when there is a slight language barrier.

She told me tonight my sense of smell is amazing. I pick up things that not everyone can sense. Laying on the floor drawing, she was cooking and opened the fridge behind me. I perked up my head and said "I smell Strawberries..." and than started sniffing the carpet. She laughed and said she picked up strawberries for desert. She was amazed by this. I also picked out pork, butter, eggs, pepper, and sour kraut (cabbage) while she was cooking. This thrilled her and said I must have a love for food. I laughed and told her "No, food loves me" as I patted my stomach.

Before I left tonight, she was cooking (again). I was sitting in the living room writing my book when she walked back in and asked if I wanted a snack. I sniffed the air, told her I smelled corn bread and her eyes went wide saying "YES YES!" I think she likes the fact I know my food. LOL.

When I got home, she called me (like 40 minutes later). She said she was in bed and was worried if I made it home ok. That made me smile. Simple caring gestures like that is what I realize I am looking for in a girl.

I just wish... meh.

In less than 24 hours I will be 21. TWENTY ONE!!! My Mom and Dad were this age when I was born. I just seriously hope this birthday is good. This is the birthday of everyones life. The official adult day. The day you can legally embibe alcohol. I remember when I was turning 18... where has this last 3 years gone?

Yunyu and Danielle are taking me to my favorite Irish Pub Tuesday afternoon. *sigh* Two souls I would love to be with, but for certain reasons, can't. Curse you God of bad luck.

I hope Yunyu and I figure something out. I don't like feeling like someone is just out of reach. It annoys me. Especially of late. I really like this girl.

I guess I will end this here for now. Need sleep for the day ahead of me (work and cleaning apartment).

Thoughts Part 2

2006-05-20T21:19:00.000-04:00

Thoughts Part 2
Listening to: Cleaning Out My Closet by Eminem

find your element
at mutedfaith.com.

So where was I last post? Hmmm, ah yes...

I realized I sustain myself by protecting my friends. Everyone has a reason they fight. Some fight through life for pride, others fight because at one point in life, they feel they failed for not being strong enough. Mine, I fight to protect those that make me happy.

I know that when I surround myself with friends who care about me, my problems seem to slip my mind. Elise and Dave have come to know me pretty well, and have learned what makes me tick. They both know my weaknesses, and they both know my strengths. Elise is the girl who helps me keep a straight mind amidst the hurricane of thoughts running in my head. She protects me because without me, she wouldn't have a big brother to protect her. I love that girl.

Dave, oddly enough is my other half. We think the same on a lot of personal issues. Him and I understnad each other because in an essence, we are the same person. Motivated by the same things, we often find ourselves either slacking or encouraged at the same time. Our humor is the same as well. This is what is beneficial about us being roomates. If he weren't here, I would just be laughing by myself, but we can make each other laugh, so we cheer each other up.

Molly is in a relationship with Ray now. It hit me hard when I found this out. I guess, in the back of my mind I always hoped she would realize what we had and would want it back. Now I see her with another guy, who she thinks she loves, and it's like watching our past be completly sealed away. I guess this is good, because if she doesn't want to be, it will force me to move on completly. The reason it hurts though, is I love her... still. Now I see her with a guy who has her and makes her happy. If she feels this way with him and let go of me so easily that means I must've failed. So now I have to figure out where I failed and why it happened.

I may see her in a week. As much as I am looking foreward to it, that I have been looking foreward to it, it is going to be different now. We have never seen each other when we weren't together with anyone. *big sigh*

Ashleigh and Yunyu came over last night. We ended up going to Mo'z in Muskegon. Mo'z is a mostly gay dance club. I was skeptical at first, but in the end I am glad I went. There were a lot of striaght people there. Yunyu and I danced all night. Damn, for being half my size I didn't think it would be possible to dance like that with her. We didn't get back until about 4:30-5 AM and her and I went to bed. I didn't sleep much. She was curled up to me and I layed staring at the ceiling. All night. I had so much crossing my mind. I like Yunyu. Last night was the first time I ever expressed it to her. I just don't know if it could work. Her and I have our reasons for coming to this same conclusion. None which I will post here. We figure it this way. By the end of the summer, everything is going to be figured out, and than if everything goes that way, we will try it then.

Ashleigh's coworker is turning 21 today and after work is having a party. She wants me to go with her. I don't feel up to it, but maybe I will meet some girl there. I could either stay home, and recluse myself, or go out and meet some people. God I am so warn out.

Yunyu and I talked for an hour tonight. I might walk to East Town and go see her tomorrow. We are going to go to the Anime Shop and some Garage Sales.

Well, I have a comic to finish for the comic site. Everyone check it out. I spent a long ass time redoing the template. New comic to be posted tonight as well.

Thoughts.

2006-05-15T21:33:00.000-04:00

Thoughts
Listening to: FFVII:Advent Children OST

I have been thinking a lot this last week. I didn't really have anyone over last week outside of my couch warmer (Elise). Elise lives here pretty much, and oddly I enjoy her company, even if we are doing our own thing (me playing a videogame, her chatting with her friends online). Once in a great while we will start talking, asking each other for advice or just making fun of each other. Actually, her and I are a lot like the way Dave and I are. Just sit and do our own thing. I don't feel crowded or feel like my privacy is being invaded because Elise is there all the time. It is odd. I rarely find people like that. Come to think of it, Dave is really the only other person. Molly would be on that list, but when I played videogame around her I felt guilty of not giving her attention. That's only because we never saw each other. I bet she would be on the list if we seen each other more often.

Anywho... I kept to myself a lot and tried to act cheery for those around me. Inside I was sorting things out in my life though. I was even thinking in my sleep. I came to a lot of conclusions.

Before Katie and I started dating, I was really scared to go with her. I had a lot of reasons I knew of, but something else I couldn't quite put my finger on. It wasn't just her though. Danielle too. I gave up on Danielle, which to this day may be a mistake in my book, and a select few of others who have come along. I distance myself.

Two highlights in my life I was more than happy. I felt on top of the world. With Charity and with Molly. I lost Charity because I wasn't a good enough Christian. This I am almost sure is the reason I walked away from the religion. It took a long time for me to find that happiness again. Then I met Molly. Sure she was 3 hours away, but the fact that I was happy knowing we were together gave me the urge to want to stay with her. No matter what. In the end, she was ripped away from me too. So suddenly too. My happiness, my heart, ripped right away from me. No matter how hard I fought to get it back, it only fell further and further away.

This leads me to my conclusion.

I am scared of being happy again. Burned in the back of my mind are memories that at one time made me happy but now make me sad. Unconciously, I fear those memories. I fear that whole part of my brain.

I am scared of happiness. I will eventually find another girl, but may miss the opportunity because of my fear of having the happiness ripped away again. I locked myself down, hid myself away and put on a front. This front blinds me from whether or not a girl is coming on to me. Unless she is upfront, I am completly oblivious.

I know who I am now. I know who I was in the past. I can't change back into the old me just for someone. But why would I want to? I have become a better person in everyones eyes. Someone everyone can always run to for shelter, protection and advice. It has always been my ambition to be this person. I want to be everyone's hero. I want to be someone's special hero though. Someone's Spider Man. *laugh* I am such a kid sometimes.

I guess what I am trying to say is, maybe I should whipe away the past because that was the old me. I want to be the new me and not fear my memories. Not fear of being rejected and having a happiness ripped away from me. Easier said than done though. I can't be as strong if I hold onto my hearts past.

I am happy with who I am. I am not ashamed of my DBZ action figures in my window, my insanely huge collection of videogames and anime, or the fact that I am a geek. This has always made me what someone referred to me as "a fun person". I'll just have to wait until someone comes along who enjoys the fact that I don't care what others think of me. Aiy, I will finish my thoughts some other time.

One more week...

SUMMER!

2006-05-09T16:10:00.000-04:00

SUMMER!
Listening to: Whatever Dave has playing on the box.

I have neglected my blog for some time now. But while doing so I beat another videogame I own. One down, many to go. Musashi was an alright game but they botched the ending so bad. It irritates me. I give the game 2 out of 5 stars. The music was relaxing, the gameplay was straight foreword, the story line was just like the previous games, and it's pretty much a simplified version of the Japanese Folk Lore. Slash swing, and occasionally you would use your special move. Like I said, straight foreword. It was hard at times. In fact, the second stage I was stuck on for all of January, which is why I didn't defeat it until recently. I got frustrated and stopped playing it.

If you are looking for a game with a decent challenge, puzzles and a cool visual appeal, and can afford $20-30 to fork out for it, have at it.

Right now I am playing The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker. I figure with Twighlight Princess coming out next month I should beat the only Zelda game I haven't beaten yet before I add another to the list.

I have been neglecting my FFXI Online account too. I should really pick that back up and get my stupid airship pass already. I have been playing that for 2 years now. Yikes. The new expansion pack just came out, where as I haven't even finished the first two.

I am glad school is done for the summer. I am still working at the library, which in a way blows. I am getting annoyed with that place. I have been looking for a new job this last few weeks. Perhaps a coffee shop. I enjoy serving customers and tips are always a bonus.

Mike moved back to Shelby. To compensate the other half of the rent, Dave moved in. It's cool having him as a roommate. We have been best friends since 6th grade. We always talked about escaping the clutches of Shelby and moving to Grand Rapids to find adventure. Well, we are both finally down here. He works at Discussions (the local gay hang out) and I find myself hanging out down there with him. Suprisingly, a lot of my friends from MS75 hang out there. People give me a funny look when I tell them that's where I hang out. BUT.. big but there... I think any guy would if he was hanging out with a group of Lesbians and straight girls all the time too.

*thinks* Two weeks from today, I will be 21. The big birthday of someone's lifetime. Wow, I won't be a kid anymore. I am an adult officially. I support myself, pay my bills, and live in my own place. Occasionally I need to run back to Mom for help. That's ok though. I think she likes knowing I can still turn to her. I will always be her little boy. Although, I have this pride issue where I like to try and be as independent as possible. Hence the reason all my things have the independence cross on them. I have kind of adopted that symbol as my own. I like crosses too.

This summer, Dave and I are going to get tattoos. I still want the cross on my arm. He is getting another, being he got his first one with Ryan in High School. He said something about a tat on his wrist. I hope to God it isn't like Joey's idea of getting a watch tattooed there.

I have been in a slump lately. It seems everything is hitting me all at once again. I am going to get a second or part time job to handle the bills. My heart is the one I really don't have any control over. I had my feelings for Molly locked away, ignored and hidden. After Katie and I broke up, Molly managed to reopen my heart and told me she would do anything to get me back. It gave me some kind of hope that she realized what we had, and it made me feel worth something to her. So I gave her another chance, but with a leary eye. I wasn't going to give in that easily. I mean fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. She betrayed me... us.. not just once, twice, but numerous times. I love that woman to death but I need to know for 100% that I can trust her again.

I have been talking to her a lot more recently. She called me one night, and I picked up on something right off. It broke my heart to think she was getting into that, although I can't be hypocritical. I just worry because she can't make good decisions as is. *sigh* I am so scared of her ruining her life. I mean, she didn't do so hot in school this year because of her new lifestyle. The Molly from High School wouldn't have let it slide. I am not the only one thinking so. Some of her friends and my close friends would agree. So I would try to talk sense into her, try to make her realize things but the more I tried, the more I failed.

I just want her safe and happy, and I knew when I was with her, she was. She hates tech, but not as much as I do. Brittany hates tech too, because it changed her ex Jack.

Anyways, recently she told me she would rather be with Ray than me. A KO to my open heart. Why did she open my heart just to do that!? Ugh, I have been trying to cope with it but I don't think I can. I either need to close my heart off to her, and find someone to replace that void, or drop her completely and decide until she learns what she wants. The thing about Ray is, some things he said about her piss me off, and she knows he said this stuff too. WHY WOULD SHE WANT TO BE WITH HIM!? I honestly don't see them staying together if they do hook up. She will get her heart broken and when that happens, where will I be? Will she come crawling back to me then like she did when she realized she was going no where with Aaron?

She could really regret this.

I went home this last weekend and hung out with Brittany until about 2:30-3 am at her place. We... "watched" Pride and Prejudice. We talked about a lot of things that night. She told me some things she hasn't told anyone, and I caught her up with my life this last year. Being she is home in Shelby, she wants me to come over and see her when I come home. I can tell she has grown up a bit since HS, but I think she is just as confused as Molly. She says she isn't with Jack anymore. Or so she tells me all the time. BUT, on Facebook and MySpace, both their profiles say they are, and they update those daily. Well, maybe I will ask Jack personally. I am not going to get involved with that shit, and be lied to the whole time. DAMN WOMAN.

Things between Katie and I are getting patched up, which means a lot to me. I enjoy hanging out with her and Elise. Me, Dave and the girls were like the four corners to my life. Hang out, movies, videogames, nerd stuff, and art. I was happy then. I wish I didn't fuck shit up there.

I'm a master at fucking shit up... what can I say?

Someone asked me why I always say "Love ya" to my family or Molly when I hang up the phone. I replied with "You never know if that will be the last time you get to tell someone that. You never know when or where something could happen. I always let the ones I love know that. It could be my last time to say it."

Well, I am going to go to NQ tonight, so I will wrap this up. Maybe next time I post won't be so far and in between.

Quitcha Bitchen

2006-04-11T23:06:00.000-04:00

QUITCHA BITCHEN!
Listening to: The Sephirtoh Theme Music

This morning I woke up trapped. I felt different this last few weeks but this morning was the button pusher. I felt trapped in myself, in my life, and I wanted out. I wanted change. So I did the first drastic thought that came to my head.

Now you all can quitcha bitchen, because I now have people bitchen at me for cutting it! I lost my sex appeal the girls said... *whimper*

Shitty Weekend ... Seriously

2006-04-10T01:55:00.000-04:00

Shitty Weekend ... Seriously
Listening to:

Hurray for the worlds shittiest weekend.

Here we go.

My account is -$88.00 overdrafted. This is because 5/3 Bank types negatives different from my last bank on the online balance. ($88.00) as opposed to the -$88.00 I am going to go bitch after class. What happened was I was confused by this, payed rent and went over, then saw I had ($12.96) on Thursday. Being I left home at 8:30 AM and wouldn't be back untill about 9:30 PM I needed to buy myself lunch. I bought Subway. Cheap, near by, fast for my short lunch break. Then a pop at work. 5/3 charges like $25 for every overdraft. This sucks ass. Hopefully the cute girl that help me set my account up, and deposits my money for me will understand and wave it. Time to wear my best clothes and actually comb my hair.

Snow angel, my mom's white ferret, is dying we believe. She could barely walk, and wouldn't eat. I found mom crying in her room the other night. Buffy is getting old too. His back legs are giving out. I can't imagine my dog not being around anymore.

I didn't get a chance to work with Don as much this weekend. I got the entire weekend off so I could, and we only worked 6 hours Saturday, and 2 hours Sunday. This blows ass. Obviously not enough to cover my over draft and bills I need to catch up on. He gave me an extra 8 1/2 hours advancement that I can work off later, but that still leaves a lot of my bills to deal with. Pay day is over a week away. May not have phone or net much longer.

Trying to find a way home Saturday night as well. Easter being on Sunday, dinner with the entire fam. Might not make that either cause Dave says he prolly isn't going home being Easter isn't a thing he does with his family.

I am worried about Molly now too. The way to end my weekend. We didn't talk much cause her family was up there watching her performance. Tonight, we really didn't get a chance to talk either. She always has Ray, and Aaron around anymore it seems. Well, Momma's Boys in general. Never just her and I. I feel akward talking to her about problems when they are around and she just doesn't understand why.

Tonight Aaron was drunk off his ass. He got in a fight with his fiance Beth, and now Molly has him staying with her at her dorm. Go figure. He is older then me, and she still thinks she needs to take care of him. She is completly oblivious. Does any one else see why I am worried about her? Especially given the dark past those two have had?

I know we aren't together anymore, but I seriously do love her yet. I worry about her, because she was a big part of my life. I know now I can't be with her again ... Stuff like that would destroy us. Not just trust issues. Faith issues as well. She just doesn't see why I am so concerned though. Now I am running in circles with my point. I tend to do this I guess when I am worried. Loop da Loop.

I didn't have the supplies I need for my homework due tomorrow. Why? Because I am poor. So I will go to class and let the teacher do his thing. I could give a damn right now.

Oh yeah, I forgot to mention I stood in 2 inches of human fical matter today at work. Sewage line from last spring and the spring before that clogged up, yet again. The worlds shittiest, suckiest weekend, and I took it on like a man. Lost miserably.

Katie and I haven't really patched things up either. I started to just say fuck it, and get over her, but I found something interesting out tonight on the reason she has been so moody. I take sympathy towards her now. In fact, given what I know now, would I really have broken up with her?

Enlight of this weekends events, not having anyone there, I wish Katie would still hold me. That's what I miss the most about her. When she would hug me, and hold me, I felt renewed. That's what I want in a relationship. Compassion, trust, and loyalty. Why am I so bad at picking the right girl? Why can't I attract the winner?

Thank God for Elise coming over tonight. We sat on the futon and watched The Girl Next Door together. She would tickle me and poke me when I wouldn't be on gaurd. This would throw me into a coughing fit which she would yell at me to quit.

Oh yeah, I have been sick for over a week now. Lost 7 lbs because of it too. Ugh, thank God I have Thurs. and Fri. off from class. I could kill any body that fucks with me. Maybe I can get Elise to come over tomorrow night so I have someone who will listen to me and understand me. She is the only one anymore. I am glad she is my best friend. She is such a little bitchy sweetheart. She reminds me so much of Mom, that being with her is comforting.

(Don't worry Dave, you are my best friend too... like... heterosexual life mate)

Ya know what? When my 21st bday hits, I am getting so smashed I for once have a hang over, and can't recall half the night. I dont' care who thinks what. I am sure I could defend my case with pointing fingers. Molly will yell but look at her pride and joy Aaron... Mom would prolly drink with me if I bought, and I know Elise would LOVE to get trashed with me. Grandma and Grandpa drank too. ... That's my goal. I wonder if Danielle still wants to liquor me up that night? If not, Dave and I and Elise will prolly.

Fuck it, I am going to bed now.

Fool Me twice, shame on Me.

2006-04-02T03:34:00.000-04:00

Fool Me twice, shame on Me.
Listening to: I have no idea.

I am bummed out tonight. I was looking foreward to talking to someone tonight because I had some questions for her. This last week, she kept forgetting, falling asleep, or just not making any time for me, like she promised she would. Go figure. When things get as bad as they did, change is an illusion. I actually thought she had started to change. I actually believed her when she told me I meant a lot to her, and how she loves me. I actually saw things for the better. But this week just showed me maybe the guys she has with her are better. So I guess screw it. I don't need this bullshit. I have been fed enough of it in my life, especially from her. I have had my full of it. Whatever.

Damn, I had a nice story I wanted to reminence on, but that just lost it's inspiration.

I'm Blue, Dabade Dabadi

2006-03-28T17:30:00.000-05:00

I'm Blue, Dabade Dabadi
Listening to: Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind OST

Your true color is Blue!

You're blue — the most soothing shade of the spectrum. The color of a clear summer sky or a deep, reflective ocean, blue has traditionally symbolized trust, solitude, and loyalty. Most likely a thoughtful person who values spending some time on your own, you'd rather connect deeply with a few people than have a bunch of slight acquaintances. Luckily, making close friends isn't that hard, since people are naturally attracted to you — they're soothed by your calming presence. Cool and collected, you rarely overreact. Instead, you think things through before coming to a decision. That level-headed, thoughtful approach to life is patently blue — and patently you!
What's Your True Color?

Brought to you by Tickle

Well, with only about 4 1/2 weeks of college left before summer, I have already begun to get impatient with how it seems time is slowing down.

I broke up with Katie about 2 weeks ago. Lately, her personality has seemed to change towards me. She went from treating me good, to treating me like Charity does now. I knew this feeling all to well, so I decided I didn't want to deal with it hoping things would get better. That's the short story. The long story is uglier. Her and I are trying to remain friends now though. I don't have a problem, she just acts different around me. I wonder if she still cares about me...?

Oh well, I guess that relationship was short and sweet... in a way. I have decided I don't want to be in a relationship right now. I will go with the dating, F3, FWB, attempt and enjoy life right now while I can.

Molly really wants to hook back up, but as long as she is at Tech, I don't think it would be wise for me to do so. I know she is trying to change, but change is hard when you are surrounded by all the temptation in the U.P. I love her still, but that doesn't mean I am ignorant and oblivious. I know how things go, and I do have several sets of eyes up there. I don't want to be taken for granted again. I don't want to be hurt again.Infact, I just want to be happy, and know that I can't be hurt like that again. The one way I have discovered this is to remain single and just date around. There is no way someone can hurt you if you stay unkept.

So, I have learned a few interesting facts. I know a handful of girls that want to hook up with me. This is interesting to me. On top of that, my friend Hannah said to me "You're a tall sexy stallion with gorgeous eyes." This was a blusher. Ego boost, majorly.

Hannah may come over this Friday, and maybe this Saturday if I don't go back to Shelby. WOOT! Looking foreward to that.

Happy Birthday Joe! His birthday was Sunday, the 26th. He is 19 now. Growing up good too. Cody's birthday was also Tuesday the 21. I am proud of him too.

Molly may be coming to stay with me!!! We'll see when it comes closer to the end of school. I hope so though. I haven't seen her in about 4 months, it being atleast 5 by the time she gets here. If she doesn't well, make that prolly 6. Half a year.

I don't know why, but right now I am in one of those moods where I feel... meh. Maybe some videogames will cheer me up. STD... sexual tension disorder. There we go.

I'm Gonna Flip Out Like A Ninja!

2006-03-24T18:26:00.000-05:00

I'm Gonna Flip Out Like A Ninja!
Listening to:

Wow, I am 98% Ninja. That means like... I am... 2% NOT Ninja. You know how much that kicks ass? It means I am a born natural Ninja, so don't fuck with me or my friends!

You scored as Ninja Assassin. You are MADE to be a ninja!! Quit your job immediately!! You are ready to kill people for money...they'll never even know you're there. Stay low so as not to be detected!!

Ninja Assassin

98%

Pirate Captain

80%

Drug Lord

73%

Cowboy Outlaw

73%

Mafia Boss

70%

Break-dancing Machine

55%

Pretty Princess

53%

An Old Prospector

53%

What should you be doing for a living?!
created with QuizFarm.com

Dude! Her Ass!

2006-03-14T19:39:00.000-05:00

Dude! Her Ass!
Listening to: Final Fantasy VII Advent Children Soundtrack

So I have a story I have been meaning to tell. Stuff like this only happens when it's irrelovant. An excerpt from our book on life.

1. The rules of man are created by man. 2.The rules of a deity are above man, if one believes in such a being. 3. There are however, laws that were created by the unexplained forces in the universe. 4. Such rules apply when they least seem useful.

5.When one accuires a significant other, the opposite sex (and sometimes the same sex) take interest in you.

So with that in mind, I start my story.

Dave and I went to the gas station the other night. When we pull in this really hot girl in tight white pants gets out of her sports car. My jaw hits the ground and I say "DUDE! Check out the ass on her!"

"Damn!"

We both walked into the gas station with smiles on our faces because of the nice ass we just saw walk by.

I wanted a snickers bar. Sadly, I couldn't find one.

"What are you looking for?" says a female voice from behind me. I glance over my shoulder and it's the hot brunnette with the nice ass. She was gorgeous. Completly and utterly beautiful.

"A snickers. I don't think they have any though. Sucks." I replied.

"Hmmm. Well..." she starts looking around with me. "Maybe they are by the register? " So I walked up and looked. Not finding anything, I went to continue to paruze through their large candy bar selection.

"Nothing..." I said kinda irritated.

"Awww, that sucks. They don't have gummy bears either!" She stated.

"What? No gummy bears and snickers? What is this world coming too!?" She laughed and I walked off accross the store to browse the pop. Dave is watching wondering "Why the hell is SHE talking to Marc?"

While browsing the pop, I hear a voice from over my shoulder again. "Soo, you go to college around here?" I turn and it's her again. She followed me across the store. By now, Dave has the 'holy shit' look on his face. I walked up to the counter with my pop, and asked for a cigar. They asked for my birthday and I told them. "5, 23, 85." Dave tossed me the keys to the vehicle and told me to start it as being I was headed outside.

It's thunderstorming yet, which made the night exceptionally good. So after starting the vehicle, I lef the door open and lit up. The hot girl then walks out and walks up to my door. "Your birthday is a week after mine."

I puffed on my cigar and asked her "to the year?"

"yep. May 16, 1985." This birthday rang a bell as well. It was the same birthday (except the year is 87) as my roomate Mike's.

"Happy early 21st birthday than."

"Yeah you too! I will see you there."

She then showed me her pitbull she had sitting in her car. After a few minutes of talking to her, Dave came out, and I said bye to her and got in the van.

"Dude, wtf was that? She totally wanted to fuck you!"

"I know! That was really weird. I have had girls hit on me before, but none were as hot as her!"

"Did you get her number?"

"No..."

"Well, what about her name?"

I laughed. "Nope, didn't get that either."

"WTF!? Why!?"

"Dude, I have a girlfriend."

"Oh yeah."

So overall, that was quiet the experience. An ego boost actually. Geez, it took me forever to finish this post. That just goes to show how busy I have been.

I have to update about the most recent events in my life, but maybe I will do that tomorrow night.

Familiar Faces... and voices?

2006-03-14T00:11:00.000-05:00

Familiar Faces... and voices?
Listening to: The thoughts running through my mind.

I am floored at the info I am reading right now. Many gamers out there have heard of or even played Kingdom Hearts for the PS2. As I am reading these names from the voice casting I can't believe these actors did the voicing.

(FF8)Squall Leonhart/Leon - David Boreanez (The guy who played Angel)
(FF7)Aeris Gainsborough - Mandy Moore
(KH)Riku - (Sora's Rival) David Gallagher (Look Who's Talking kid, and Simon from 7th Heaven)
(KH)Sora (The Kingdom Hearts Goodguy)- Haley Joel Osment (6th Sense kid, Forrest Gump Jr)
(KH)Ansem (The Main Bad Guy) - Billy Zane
(FF7)Cloud Strife - Steve Burton (apparently was a cover guy for Playgirl)
(FF8)Yuffie Kisaragi - Christy Romano (Kim Possible, Ren from Even Stevens)
(FF10)Tidus - Shaun Fleming (Jim Possible)
(FF10)Wakka - Dee Bradley Baker (Fairly Odd Parents as Sanjay, Binky, Bippy and Grim and Evil as Dad)

And now the bomb shell... the greatest and most respected videogame evil...
(FF7) Sephiroth - Lance Bass (from N'Sync)

Yup, you read that right. The great Sephiroth was pretty boy Lance Bass. Wow. Simply... wow. Damn that took a while to type and look up.

I talked to Molly on the phone for about an hour tonight. She told me of some of her accomplishments, yelled at me about "her sweater", and then yelled at me to cut my hair. I talked to her about some problems I have been having and some things on my mind. I am glad she still listens. It is nice to be able to talk to somebody about it. I can't really talk to Katie or Elise about it, and Dave, well, Dave knows everything, but he is the "Ah." guy.

Tomorrow I have illustration. Actually in like 6 hours. Sooo I guess I cut this off here. That way I can get some sleep.

Some quick photos for everyone.

2006-03-12T21:33:00.000-05:00

Some quick photos for everyone.
Listening to: I Get Knocked Down by ????

Meh, I am posting some pics. Enjoy everyone. Click to full size view.
1) Me, ten minutes before post.
2) Katie playing on my laptop.
3) Elise and Katie hoggin the futon. Typical.

[eM] - eNCHANT my fucking nAME

2006-03-12T13:25:00.000-05:00

[eM] - eNCHANT my fucking nAME
Listening to:

I am gonna bitch!

For the people who have known me since I was a Freshman, [eM] has ALWAYS been my alias. bracket, e, M, bracket. [eM]... just like that. NO ONE ever does anything like that with their name. eM is one thing, but to make it even more unique, add [] to it and it stands out. Well, it did. Till I found something that just pissed me off last night.

Click here to get pissed with me.

What are the fucking chances that a game comes out with the title being [eM]. WTF. I am mad as a hornet right now. %(*#@()%&

So yeah that's my rant for the next while... laugh.

Laziness or Lack of Time?

2006-03-01T21:32:00.000-05:00

Laziness or Lack of Time?
Listening to:

I am getting kind of lazy updating this anymore. I always want to sit down and relax, type up a nice entry but in the end, I never do. Go figure.

An interesting note, if Molly and I had stayed together, this would be our 2 year anniversary (since we WERE supposed to ignore the rest of the fish int he sea that is, and not since we started dating.) Confused? Yeah me too.

I was moody all day. Mainyl because our electric bill and gas bill are insane this month, and Comcast is pissing me off because we no longer have a six month discount. This means it is about $60 a month for cable internet. Instead of near $30. How the hell are we supposed to afford that? I have a back up plan though. Of course, I always have a plan figured out soon following...

Dave and Matt get internet and we just switch the router to their place. They get the six month discount, and we feed off them like they have us for the next six months. That might meen though that internet will be down here at my place until that time.

Today I had lunch with Hannah, a girl I met back in August at MorningStar. I met her sister as well, and we spent an hour or so talking over chinese. We might hang out next week sometime. I hope so, I miss Monkey (her nickname, Hannah banana... monkey...)

Katie and I are doing well. 2 months on Friday. Hard to believe our first kiss was almost 3 months ago though. My time with her has flown by. I guess time really does fly by when you are happy. I see her almost everyday.

Elise and Dave broke up Monday night. In a way, I wasn't really shocked though. He has been kind of distant to her lately. They have remained friends though. Thank God.

Spring break is this next week. I will be working my ass off all during break though. I forget what else I had to say. So I guess this is it for tonight. Wish me luck on my midterm tomorrow!

Curious [eM]

2006-02-11T23:00:00.000-05:00

Curious [eM]
Listening to: DDR 4th Mix Soundtrack

I was a Monkey today!

A few weeks ago, I found a note on my locker at work. The note stated they were looking for someone to dress up as Curious George for the little kids. My reaction...?

(^_^)!

I agreed. The problem though, was the outfit was made for someone 5'1"-5'5" Medium frame. I am 6'4" Medium Large. I managed to make it fit though. I was bummed because I didn't have a tail though. I guess chimps don't have tails. I never realized this.

I must've given 200 kids hugs today. The looks on their faces was precious. "I love you Curious George!" *hug* I only made one girl run out crying. I held back a laugh. For someone who loves kids so much, I can be an evil bastard.

Making those kids so happy made me feel really good. I forgot how much I love kids. It made me think about wanting them. Not now of course but definetly in the sorta distant future.

Yesterday, Katie and I went on our first date. We went to Olive Garden. I knew this was one of her favorite places to eat, and I even knew her favorite dish. She is vegetarian, so restuarants aren't usually a choice for going out. She got the cheesy ravioli, and I got the Chicken Fetitcini Alfredo.

Afterwards, we went to Mike's Art Supply, then we went to Meijer. Somehow, she knew to find me in the videogame section.

When we got back, the original plan was to have a lot of my friends over but they all ended up either going out with their girlfriends, or in Charlies case, being to drunk to come over. So Katie and I played Eyetoy Dance, DDR and the such. Kelli even came over! It was cool getting to hang out with her! I miss being able to hang out with her as much as we used to. Dave got out of work early so I really didn't see Kelli after that. Blah.

I also got rootbear sprayed on me, my couch, and the floor because Katie forgot that the Eyetoy records you dancing. She was by herself when I walked over to talk to Kelli, so she had fun and danced like a goof. We saw it, and this led to the rootbear incident. *chuckles*

God, I love being around Katie. We always end up having a lot of fun, and my days seem more worth while than they have been in a long time.

The rest of the night after Kelli left, it was just her and I. We watched a few movies while I sorted through some junk to throw away the uneeded papers. We can't figure out how to get comfortable. She has this thing where she wishes she could detatch one of her arms, because if she tries to lay on her side, her bottom arm is just... there and it can't go anywhere but under her side. Of course, I fell quickly asleep anyways. That's just me.

WHOA Almost a Month!

2006-02-04T23:30:00.000-05:00

WHOA Almost a Month!
Listening to:

Holy jeebus it has been a while since I have shedded some light on the ignorant of my life.

Well, Katie and I have been an official item for a month now. Things are going really good between her and I. I finally got her to give up and admit her defeat in wrestling with me.

School has been a royal pain ontop of work and everything else. I finally have almost all of my supplies now. The Goueche alone was like $60 alone.

Every Thursday night Katie and I stay over at either my place or hers. Lately though, Lisa comes over and wakes us up becuase she wants to walk to class with me, and I get annoyed with waking up before 8 am. So I might just start staying at Katie's. But, when you wake up to a tickling sensation that is not your girlfriend, it might just make you reconsider.

So I was sleeping and I thought Katie was trying to wake me up by tickling my upper leg. Eventually I realized it wasn't her, but infact something with fur, small and quick.

I went to grab it, but it got away. So I lunged under the bed, missing it completly. Katie eventually woke up, asked what I was doing, and I stated "Something furry was on the back of my legs. Little bastard is getting away..."

"Go check and see if my Hamster Mokey (after Fraggle Rock of course)is in the cage."

Sure enough, she was gone, and I walked back into her room to find her hiding under the desk.

You know what's cool? When every time you call your girlfriend, she is playing a videogame. That rocks. I am so proud of her.

I just got the wireless network connected here at my Grand Fathers for the family to use high speed. *yawn* I can't believe they have high speed out here now that I have moved away. -_-'

I also closed my Shelby Bank account today. While there I ran into 2 very unexpected people. The first one was Molly's Grand Father. I was shocked to see him walk in. He didn't recognize me at first. But I don't blame hime. I don't remember the last time I saw him. I think maybe it was Camp... yeah. That day *sigh* It was good seeing him again. Even if Molly and I aren't together, I knew her family before I even knew she existed.

The second was Ms. Furst, my art teacher in HS. She asked me about school and life. She also asked me to come in the beginning of May and tell the class what I have learned from moving into the real world, what to expect in college, and what to expect as far as everything else. So I agreed.

I shopped tonight with Mom, and took her out to dinner. Just her and I. It was nice as usual. I miss being able to have a family outing though with Joey with us. While shopping I got the coolest Valentines Presents for Katie. ^_^ I can't wait to give them to her. She is gonna love them, which means for the first time she will have a good Valentines Day.

My art is still on display at Kendall from last semester. Coolige.

Less than four months and I am 21. Wow. Less than 3 months and I will be a Sophmore in College. *yawns X10* Ok I am randomly rambling.

Time for bed because I have to work more outside construction in the morning. Not a break ever it seems. I guess I am getting used to it though.

Oh yeah! I am involved in the Gamers Club of Kendall College AND involved in a DDR tournement between other kids who want to try, including Teachers. February 21. Time to train!

Friends

2006-01-24T01:28:00.000-05:00

Friends
Listening to: The Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children Soundtrack

As I have posted before, every now and then I get an email foreward I actually think has some meaning to it. This was one of them. Although, I thank God that David never held my hand or told me he loved me. *snicker*

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one.

In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls.

In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully.

In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus.

In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan.

In fifth grade your idea of a friend was the person who saved a seat on the back of the bus for you.

In sixth grade your idea of a friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have to be embarrassed.

In seventh grade your idea of a friend was the person who let you copy the social studies homework from the night before that you had.

In eighth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pack up your stuffed animals and old baseball cards so that your room would be a "high schooler's" room, but didn't laugh at you when you finished and broke out into tears.

In ninth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to that "cool" party thrown by a senior so you wouldn't wind up being the only freshman there.

In tenth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who changed their schedule so you would have someone to sit with at lunch.

In eleventh grade your idea of a good friend was the person who gave you rides in their new car, convinced your parents that you shouldn't be grounded, consoled you when you broke up with Nick or Susan, and found you a date to the prom.

In twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you pick out a college, assured you that you would get into that college, helped you deal with your parents who were having a hard time adjusting to the idea of letting you go...

At graduation your idea of a good friend was the person who was crying on the inside but managed the biggest smile one could give as they congratulated you.

The summer after twelfth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you clean up the bottles from that party, helped you sneak out of the house when you just couldn't deal with your parents, assured you that now that you and Nick or you and Susan were back together, you could make it through anything, helped you pack up for college and just silently hugged you as you looked through blurry eyes at 18 years of memories you were leaving behind, and finally on those last days of childhood, went out of their way to give you reassurance that you would make it in college as well as you had these past 18 years, and most importantly sent you off to college knowing you were loved.

Now, your idea of a good friend is still the person who gives you the better of the two choices, hold your hand when you're scared, helps you fight off those who try to take advantage of you, thinks of you at times when you are not there, reminds you of what you have forgotten, helps you put the past behind you but understands when you need to hold on to it a little longer, stays with you so that you have confidence, goes out of their way to make time for you, helps you clear up your mistakes, helps you deal with pressure from others, smiles for you when they are sad, helps you become a better person, and most importantly loves you!

First day back.

2006-01-09T13:07:00.000-05:00

First day back.
Listening to: Dave talk to me about the flavor of our peach cigars.

Time to rant.

There should be a law against what I like to call "Public Obnoxious flatulence" or "POF". I have never seen so much POF, until I started working at the Library. Shelving books, like I always do, I can count on at least one person ripping one loudly. In the middle of a library that's supposed to be quiet. Sound carries.

Shelving books in my new section, I was crouched to the bottom shelf, and this smelly hobo walked by. I ignored the smell, knowing he couldn't do much about it right then. Just then I hear "*PTGRMMMSMSMSM* Uh, ahhhhh." WTF!? It went from smelling bad to worse. I had to go hide in a safe corner and gather my sanity.

I have seen even the hottest girls rip them too. Like they are proud of it. They hit the bottom of my list. Like, further down then my ex's. It's that bad.

Well I started my second semester today (Drawing II). Tomorrow I have Intro to Illustration with Katie and Color after that.

This last weekend Katie and I went with Elise to her hometown. I met her parents and we went to get her a new phone. Katie and I slept in a full size bed. Amazingly, she said I didn't snore. What's more suprising is I learned she has the inabpt ability to somehow wedge me to the edge of the bed. I also learned we could start with six blankets, and through out the night, wake up from being cold to find she somehow seperated six blankets into six piles on the floor. I would cover her back up and curl up next to her to warm her back up. I slept about 11 hours being I pulled an all nighter the night before.

Thanks to my Mom's help, I finally got caught back up with the whole bank account thing. I am closing my Shelby State Bank account because I opened a 5th/3rd account here in GR. This way, I can easily deposit checks, attain money via atm, and go home and still have a bank to do so.

Tonight Katie and I walked home after work. We hung out at her place for a while and talked, drew pictures, and she made pizza. Shortly after pulling the Pizza out of the oven Dave and Elise called her cell and asked if we wanted to go with them to TGI Fridays. We did, and man, we had a blast. I asked the waitress if I could take the tuba on the wall home as a dare by Dave. The girls barried their faces and said "We can't bring you anywhere in public can we?" *snicker*

Ugh, I had somethine I wanted to type about but I can't even recall it right now. So I will go for now. Class again at 8:30 am. *groan*

Over the Last 2 Weeks

2006-01-03T04:56:00.000-05:00

Over the last 2 weeks.
Listening to: The Offspring Splinter CD

It has definitely been quite the experience this last few weeks. Lots of good and bad have come through my life.

Dave and I went home to Shelby the Thursday before Christmas. I had a nice long 5 day break from work, and the insanities that are unfortunately a part of my life. I had only felt the Christmas spirit once before then. That was when Katie first stayed over at my house and her and I cuddled up and watched Christmas shows on my bed. I felt it even stronger when I came home Christmas morning from working third shift at Wesco, and Mom and Joey were up waiting for me with a "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" as I walked in. I truly understand what made Christmas so special to me growing up. Not the presents... not the decorations. It was the feeling of having someone who cared and loved you so much. My brother and mother. I love them to death.

The Friday before hand, Mom asked me to go Christmas shopping with her so she could finish up everything. She needed my assistance in getting those last second gifts picked out for Joey, Chris, Cody, Morgan, Grandma and Grandpa. I love it when Mom and I get to bond like that.

When we got home later Danielle, Brad, Christy and Zach got me to go back to Muskegon with them to do the same. I had a blast. I ended up talking to Katie for an hour and a half before getting off the phone with her. Not before Danielle could get, from my assumptions, jealous of Katie and snagging the phone to badger her. She kept saying things like "Who is this? I know your name is Katie... I meant who are you? How do you know Marc? How tall are you? How old are you? Uh huh... What's your zodiac sign? What color eyes and hair do you have?" Katie was pretty wierded out by it I believe. I never really got to talk to her about it. I don't want to. >,<' Danielle was shopping for who I thought was her brother. While looking at the videogames (which is a thing I always end up doing) I was talking to her about what games were really cool. She and I can talk videogames for hours at a time. I ended up going to look at some networking equipment while everyone else continued to shop. At Wesco the next night, I brought Danielle her Christmas gift. She ended up having two for me. She got Brad and Zach to each chip in slightly on one and the other. I opened them up and I was shocked at what I got; Castlevania Curse of Darkness and Samurai Legend Musashi, PS2 games. That's like $80 in games!

I thought she was buying for her brother because I helped her pick out his gift last year and he loved it. So we have the same taste in games. I figured wrong. They were all sneaky. I was completly oblivious to the fact that they were up to something. Curse my A.D.D. I swear I do have A.D.D. Katie says I have such a short attention span that it makes me the most random person she has ever met.

I seriously have the worlds greatest friends. Danielle, Brad, Zach, Dave, Brian, Ryan, Elise, Joey, and Katie. They are the people who understand me so well, they can predict me. I love them all to death. Especially Zach, Dave, Joey, Elise and Katie. They are always there for me and I try to help them any time I can.

Work was awesome. Imagine... getting paid $13 an hour to play Final Fantasy VII, drinking all the hot cocoa or pop you want, munching on donuts, and rarely having to serve a customer, for 9 hours straight. It was definelty the coolest Christmas Eve I have spent alone.

The sucky thing is my Microsoft Xbox live 2 month trial ended and I didn't realize they don't stop the service. Noooo, they go straight to the annual fee of 12 months for $50. This dropped my bank account REALLY low. Not knowing this I was using my Debit card to buy Milk, Bread, Eggs, pay a bill and even a cheeseburger for lunch. I was in the -$ zone. For every time I used my debit card, I was charged a $25 fee, regardless of how much I spent. That means I spent $26 on a god damn cheeseburger. I am now $250 in debt to the bank because of the charges. I didn't know this until 30 seconds after I punched my debit number in and Mom had called me to warn me not to use my card anymore. FUCK. Now I have bills, a 2 month past due phone bill of $100, and rent this week I have to pay, on a job where I make $340 a month. Plus I have to pay the $250 to the bank within a month or they charge me something like $5 a day more. That didn't help with my Christmas. *sighs* So now my body is sore as all hell from working whenever I can with Don, Library, Wesco or even my new job that I work when I get called (another under the table job). It's just not enough to slide into home safe this time. I hope to God my MEAP money can go towards rent.

Christmas was really good though. I didn't get any sleep after work that morning though. Mom, Joey and I opened our presents. Joey played Santa this year so I didn't have to. He loved the presents we got him. His eyes went wide when he opened the Gameboy and Games. Music CD's, kick ass clothing, and for the first time in like 15 years, we got matching jackets. We look like Boondock saint wannabes in our buster suit coats. I got some really nice clothing, a Eucher Card Set with rules (I can finally learn!), and of course, I got my laptop a month early. We all sipped on Egg nog and took pictures of each other on Mom's digital camera. We even watched a thing about Barbies, GI Joe's and other things like Slinkys, etc etc on TV together before we all went off to play with our new toys.

I actually didn't move any where. I sat right where I had been in front of the TV and popped in Castlevania Curse of Darkness. I played till we had to go to Grandma's for presents and dinner. At Grandma's I was swarmed as usual with hugs from everyone glad to see me home. Especially Cody. I love that kid like he was my own. I am proud of him. He takes his art seriously. He got a drafting table for drawing, an electric guitar and amp, a gamecube, a shit load of art supplies and tons of chocolate. He has taken an interest in what I do. He even has taken an interest in Kate already. *lol* I got some really nice clothes, cds and cases, new boots, and some cash from Aunt Angie. Spoiled again by those closest to my heart.

Something wasn't right though. I only ate one plate of Grandma's Christmas dinner. One of two major meals in a year I look foreward to and I wasn't hungry. I was thinking about someone in particular. After dinner I slid away to a quiet place in the house. I called Molly.

I called to wish her a Merry Christmas and let her know she was the one still on my mind that day. Now I wonder if it was worth the humiliation. She was in Shelby that day and didn't tell me. She didn't even want to see me. She told Brian some bullshit as they talked as well. Apparently there are two sides to our story and I don't know her side. As if cheating and lying are justified. Fuck it. I set Brian straight on some of the stuff she told him. He should have figured as much. I was a little sad at the actions above. I really wanted to be her friend. I didn't want to be with her like "that" any longer. I just wanted her as a friend. More than ever. And I am not even worth a friendship to her. Instead of being angry though, I just lowered my head, took a big breath and walked out of her life to leave her to herself and her problems. I did it with a numbness sweeping over me though. It would have hurt if I let it.

That Monday, Danielle volunteered to bring me, Joe and Cody back to Grand Rapids. She was supposed to call me after work on Christmas and never did. She said she was going to be at her Mom's all day. I called there and her brother said she was there for a little while and then took off. Zach filled me in that she was at John's. Go figure. She stayed at her abusive ex bf's house for two days. She blew us off completly. This broke my trust with her in a lot of ways. She didn't so much let me down, she let Joey and Cody down more. Those two have been looking foreward to staying with me for a whole month or so. Mom and I ended up bribing Grandma and Grandpa into letting us use their new car to get us down here.

That night was fun as getting to hell. Just us guys. Cody, Joe, and Me. Surfing the net, watching Anime, playing videogames, eating McDonalds, walking the city, jammin to music. It was a true guys night. We bonded. Cody stayed up till 7 am with me. When I took a shower he asked if he could take one after me. By the time I got out though, he was out cold on the couch. I walked over and picked him up, wrapped a blanket around him, and tucked him into bed. I sat down on the floor with a pillow and blanket and started thinking like I normally do before bed. It's weird to think so many people look to me, and look up to me. When did I become what I used to look up to? A hero.

The end of the week Katie came back to Grand Rapids. Dave and Elise went to Mason for Elise's birthday so it was just Katie and I most the night. Then they came over -_-' When they showed up, we all hung out for a little, and then went to bed. Katie and I pulled the futon out and slept there while Dave and Elise slept near us on the floor. Katie put me to sleep right away by playing with my hair. She abuses that ability. New Years Eve, us four went to a party at GVSU. Oz, John, Chuck, Brian, Jen, Steph, Dolpho, Moe, Elise, Katie, Dave and I brought in the new years together. Dave and I polished a 5th of Buttershots, a few beers, some koolade shit, and I had a shot of coconut rum. Katie was our DD. She doesn't like the taste of alcohol. What a great girl. Doesn't badger me for my celebration drinks, takes care of me, and protects me. ^_^

We got back to the girls apartment, and we went straight to bed. Twinsize beds suck when you are sharing it with someone. Thank god she is a tiny girl. Elise made omelets for breakfast and I played on Katie's playstation in the living room. After we got our day started, we decided to get ready and go to Shelby. They wanted to meet Mom and Joe.

We took Katie's car and I drove back. On the way back we decided to stop and get some Chinese food at a buffet. I suprised them with how much I could hold in my stomach. Mmmm. Katie is a vegetarian so she didn't eat much. Dave ate his usual 2 medium plates with a pot of tea, and Elise ate as much as someone her size could.... which isn't much at all. After dinner, I drove us back the rest of the way to Shelby, only to be called in Whitehall by my mom letting me know she was on her way to a movie and would be home later. Being that she wasn't going to be home for a while, we walked to the tower and climbed it. At the top, Dave and I enjoyed the brisk cold wind while the girls clung to us complaining that it was cold and we were crazy for being up there in the freezing rain.

Eventually, we took sympathy on their cold bodies. Upon the return to Mom's house we watched Krunks New Groove, hung out with Joey and Cody, and eventually, Mom came home. I introduced Elise and Katie to her, and she gave them both hugs and told them how they were all she ever hears about from me. I was really surprised that they all sat and talked for so long. Even though at the time Katie and I were only seeing each other, nothing more, Mom and her took to each other pretty well.

So let's fast foreward it a bit. The other day Dave was checking my MySpace and said somebody changed my settings. My sexual preferences were changed to Unsure, Married, and I was a proud father. They also changed my picture to one of my roomate and I. Also changing the caption on it to "Me and My man". They proceeded to delete Katie off my list of friends. I thought whoever changed my Facebook on Xmas also did this. At first I thought it was Elise and Dave. The only two with access to my laptop which holds all my passwords. Nope. It wasn't them. I know this on a few facts which are not important right now. So then I thought it was Kelli but she swears to God she has nothing to do with it. She didn't even know about it till I brought it up. That left only one person... She knows who she is. This would explain why Katie was the only friend deleted from my list. She is the only person who has my password outside of the three above. So a flag went up in my head. I quickly opened a new window, typed in an address, and tried to log in under her stuff and BOOM, her passwords were suddenly changed. I know that days before they weren't because when I sent her an email with a request, I checked to see if she read it. This must mean she was the one. Everything falls perfectly into place. I changed most of my accounts, and even created a new SN which she doesn't have. I have decided if she doesn't want to be my friend, and wants to be my enemy, then I'm not going to play her childish games. Instead, I will slowly start to erase her from my life:

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

I honostly figured out what I wanted from her and she just threw what was savable out the window. I thought she would want to be friends, but apparently I thought wrong. In better news; last night Katie and I watched Spider-Man together. Halfway through the movie she said (This is a rough quote...):

"So this 'What are we?' question that keeps coming up? Have you figured out an answer to it yet because it's getting hard to explain to all my curious friends and family." I sat there for a moment in silence, looking at the tv but not actually watching it. I finally turned and looked at her and replied.

"Well, what is it exactly we're waiting for? I mean, what are you looking for? A sign? The right moment? I know what... er why I am holding back and hesitating. What's your's?"

"I dunno. I mean, we do everything I couple would do. I care for you a lot. I started liking you faster than I have EVER started liking anyone else. I love being with you. You are easy to talk to. You listen and I feel really comfortable with you, which is extremely wierd being that I am usually shy and introverted. There is something about you... I say we are what we are... we just haven't chosen 'that' title to be there." I smiled and kissed her.

"So let's take that title. I have got nothing to loose but you and being single, oO(and honostly, I am sick of having to make up reasons to not go out with someone.)" She hugged me tightly and rested her head into me. "But before we decide this I need to know something. If we cross this line, where does the line appear for any other guy?"

"Well, as you know, a few weeks ago when my best friend Eric wanted to cuddle, I felt really really akward and couldn't do it. I think anything that exceeds just friendship. Hand holding, cuddling, etc and so on. No going on dates with anyone else. If being in a situation endangers the relationship and you know it, then you shouldn't be there."

I hugged her tightly and said "That's exactly right in my book. I agree 100%."

Sorry girls that I promised dates to eventually. I have a girlfriend again. Honostly, I am happy with her. Doesn't mean we can't be friends. It just means there is one less fish in the sea to fish from.

*yawns* Well, I have to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning to go to the post office to get a money order to pay rent. Then I work 3 hours and am going to hang with Elise and Katie for a while. Friday I meet Katie's Mom. She is excited to meet me and I to meet her. Saturday after work I am going to Mason with Elise and Katie to stay at Elise's Mom's house. I am happy. This is how I wanted college to be. Exciting, adventerous, and happy. Let's count the days till a storm hits.

Katie also gave me two of her Senior Pics. I needed to share them with the world because they are that good. Check out my hottie!

Past dues:
Happy 20th Brian! (December 21st)
Happy 16th Chris! (December 23rd)
Happy 10th Morgan! (December 27th)
Happy 19th Elise! (December 30th)
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Happy New Years!

Talking and Laughing and Having a Good Time

2005-12-21T04:10:00.000-05:00

Talking and Laughing and Having a Good Time
Listening to: Radio by Alkaline Trio

This last few days have been going pretty good for me. I have been talking to Katie on the phone, and online until 3 am every night. She wonders how it is I have been able to keep her up past 1 every night without her even getting tired. She would like to stay on longer to talk but her mom and dad have coniptions if she isn't up by 10 or 11.

We talked about a lot. What we thought cheating was. What the point of a relationship was. Our beliefs on everything. We discussed dating and relationship differences and where one thing cancels out the other. We hold true to the same beliefs. Even PDA. Religion we both agree on (my current beliefs, not former). Politics is still an undiscussed topic.

We continued to talk about where we were going with "us". We both agreed we want to be in a relationship with each other. We both know how much we are into each other. She loves guys who play guitar and wear glasses. She said the other night when she brought her brother over, I was hot. I would've been better if my sloppy hair wasn't hidden under my black Nike hat. She doesn't want me to get my haircut either. She thinks I look good like this. No arguement with that. That's totally fine by me.

The other night I asked her out to dinner. I am taking her to Olive Garden for a date because she is a Vegetarian. When I asked her she seemed kind of shocked. She was all "Um, are you asking me on a date?" I laughed and said "Well, yeah. i am asking if I can take you to Olive Garden and buy you dinner. So I guess that's a yes." She was happy about that. Especially since that is her favorite restuarant. I even know what her favorite meal is thanks to Elise.

She knows how scared I am about hurting her. She keeps asking me how she compares to Molly, and Charity. I don't know how to answer that. I keep saying "They are all really sweet girls. Well, were in the beginning. Things change though. People change, and I don't know if it was the fact that High School and College changed them a lot or not. But they both still have good hearts. Things with me just don't seem to be like that anymore. I am worried I am a fuck up and that's why I am affraid." So I still lay in bed and think on this. What is it exactly? Why is it I hurt the one's I love outside of family when I tried everything to do exactly opposite? She tells me not to worry because with relationships comes pain. She is prepared for it. If I get out of line she will slap me upside the head. *lol*

I finally have found my motivation to quit smoking completly. Katie is allergic to it. Just like Susan in 3D class and Lisa. I only smoked cause it helped me relax and unwind about my problems. When I have someone there with me who I am comfortable with, I don't have the urges. I started smoking to help ease the pain from the loss of Molly. Since then, I have cut back nearly the whole way. I still find myself grabbing one though when things seem to take my heart down. With her help, knowing of her being allergic, I know this won't be a hard thing to do. I feel confident on it.

Tonight BeeDub asked me if I was going to the Wyns' for New Years. I was kinda thrown back by the thought. I mean, if he went, and it was alright by them, and more importantly, Molly, would I go? I made the decision that Katie was coming back home to GR to be with me cause she has no plans as of yet, so no. Brian then stated that he wasn't going to go, but instead having a party at his place. If he can't have it there, everyone is going to GVSU at Oz's. I am supposed to bring Katie so everyone can meet her. I hope it's in Shelby. Mom needs to meet Katie and vice versa. Their backgrounds and interests are the same in a lot of areas. She also is anxious to pass the tests my bro has for approval. Looks and interests have passed. I know Joe is gonna love her. I believe my Mom would too. I could then take her to all the area's she has heard stories about. She could meet Ryan and Danielle, and Brad and Jared.

The nice thing is, she is two blocks away and has her own place. No restrictions a Dorm would. She pays her own bills, and is responsable, smart, and gets along great with my friends thus far. Whenever I would want to see her, I could. School, work, free time. *goes into a happiness slump* I forgot what a relationship was like when the girl was see-able every day. The great thing is, her being in the same major as me, we might have classes together. We beat each other up and wrestle all the time like we are best friends, so I question as to work getting done without us jabbing.

Now, I hold in one hand "Molly's regretful heart" along side mine. The other, I hold a potential happy future. I don't want to hurt either of them. I love Molly, but I know she isn't capable of staying true to me and can use Aaron and her other guy friends as a means of not having time for me. I still cherish her friendship and the memories that never happened with her. But let's face it. When our relationship was hanging off the edge of forever, she didn't try to hold on back so my grasp alone wasn't enough to save us. I fell so far down it took me forever to be able to get back up. I'm stil clutching the "chocolate wrappers" though. The other hand, I have a girl who is attatched to me and I to her. Nothing near love. God, far from it. But a strong care for her and vice versa. I am her first real relationship, even though it's not that yet. We both decided that maybe after a few weeks of this "dating" scenario we will go steady if all is still great. Choosing one will hurt the other. What am I supposed to do guys? I love Molly and don't want her to hurt anymore, but yet, I care a lot about Katie and not hurting her as well. I know what I want to do, but sometimes you have to do what is needed before being able to do what one wants. I will figure it out. I usually come out alright in the end. That's what is great about me. Advice welcomed.

In a change of subject for a bit, Elise, Dave and I were at Marathon getting some snacks. Dave was across the store, and Elise and I were by the cookies. Suddenly the word Pap Smear came to mind. I looked at Elise and asked "What's a Pap Smear?" She fell to her knee's laughing and stating how I am always so random. She explained it to me and suddenly I got this deviace grin on my face. From across the packed gas station I yelled "Hey Dave, how did your Pap Smear go!?" He looked up from what he was doing with the funniest look on his face. The face of total confusion and disbelief. (0.0)' Elise and I just lost it right then. He never answered either. He just stood there staring like "I'm gonna kill you asshole!"

That was the funny highlight of my night. Ryan is gonna be my next victum because I know he doesn't know what a Pap Smear is. He is going to be at Cherry Hill screaming across the store "MOTHER FUCKER! WHAT'S A PAP SMEAR!? DID I HAVE A PAP SMEAR!?" BWAHAHAHA. In-genius. You know what else is in-genuis? The boks on Bunny Suicides. Here is what they have to offer.

God I love these things. For more, go here. Not to be taken seriously by the Bunny lovers though!

Well, I have to work tomorrow. It is 5:37 already in the morning. Took me a while to type this laughing at all the Bunny Suicides and Music Videos. I am gonna go to bed. I think I am gonna sleep well again. Especially since I have good thoughts and feelings right now. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will find out my Semester one grades *worries*.

What a ride.

2005-12-19T01:52:00.000-05:00

What a ride.
Listening to: Bohemian Like You by the Dandy Warhols

I am starting to understand the meaning of life. It's not to let things get you down. One giant game where you are to try and stay on top at all costs. You shouldn't loose. If something is in your way, it's either a test or it's not supposed to be there.

I came to this conclusion laying in bed the other night. The other night was definetly weird. Let me fill everyone in about this last week or two.

I hit rock bottom last week. Totally lost, confused and sad. After venting on a disclosed location and recieving a comment from a close friend and family member, I thought on everything. I realize I was just lost in my own Emo world. A world I don't visit to often because frankly I hate being sad. It's just so depressing.

Dave has been staying with me for about two weeks now. This was definetly cool because I have missed my close friends the most. Ryan and Dave always pulled me out of my stoopers. Katie and Elise have been coming over nearly everynight since then too. Dave and I knew that telling one about the other would be like telling them indirectly, so I played the opposite cards. I would tell Elise that I really liked Katie and I would tell Katie that Dave liked Elise. This worked out in a nice way. I would discover from Katie that Elise liked Dave too. I would discover from Elise that Katie liked me as well. Heh. Soooo....

The for a few nights, Katie and I would find our fingers lacing each others. I told her at work that I wanted to talk about everything from the last week. She agee'd but with Dave and Elise always being with us, we NEVER got to talk. On MySpace I messaged her and told her how I've felt about her. I wanted to know how she felt.

I know this seems like a childish way to do this, but guess what? I don't care. It works.

She never messaged back. Instead, we were sitting on the couch later that night, all of us. As I was playing on my laptop, I felt someone grab my hand. I didn't even look. I just smiled and held on back. Then I felt her head rest down on my shoulders. That seems to be a favorite spot of hers. Either on my chest or on my shoulders.

I believe I already covered most of this in my last post... or maybe it was on my "other" blog... I dunno. I asked her as I walked her to her car if she would be bothered by me kissing her. She smiled at me and said "No... not TO upset." So we kissed. It last maybe 30 seconds but I could feel her shaking. My guess, she was new to kissing.

Later the next day Elise comes into my apartment and says "I heard you kissed Katie?" Me still being in bed on the futon, rolled over to face her. I said "yeah, it was nice." She then said "You are her first kiss Marcus!" My eyes went wide. I am still on that thought. I don't remember my first kiss. HOW!? How has she missed a first kiss until now!? I am someone's first kiss. That also means she is a virgin. She is new to the WHOLE relationship thing. There is so many pluses to this. I am ALWAYS going to seem really good, virgins tend to hold on a lot more because it's emotional, and they tend to be more trusting.

I am not looking to jump head first into a relationship. Knowing the above, I DON'T want to hurt her. I actually care about her, and our friendship a lot. Elise means a lot to me as well. If Katie and I had a falling out, Elise would be effected too. That would suck. So right now, I am looking at Katie as a really close friend I know I could turn to. Even though I haven't talked to her about personal things, I have been really comfortable talking to her about everything else.

She is into anime, videogames, the same music as me, AND her brother is an uber geek that thinks on the same pattern as Dave and I.

Then, the other night, her and Elise came over. I was sitting on the floor in front of her. She was sitting on the futon. She started playing with my hair. Within 10 minutes I was sleeping. I woke up when something loud came from the TV. Seeing Dave and Elise had pretty much taken over the couch, I pulled my twin sized matress into the living room, and Katie and I layed there. We watched Christmas cartoons, and cuddled. Eventually, I pulled out my laptop as I worked on some programming. She cuddled with me and watched on as I did this. After struggling with some pixel cordination, I called it quits and turned my laptop off. When I closed my eyes, I could feel Katie curl up to me and her arm went over me. I fell asleep quickly.

Every hour though I kept waking up. I was not used to having someone sleep next to me. I got up and went and got something to drink. I stood in the dark and sipped down my beverage. I watched everyone else and suddenly I realized what the difference in my life was. My Christmas spirit was being held down by the burden on everything that went down before with Molly. As broken as I was about her, I still loved her and I needed to make everything better for her before I said my goodbye. I decided it was time to grab life by the nuts and start taking control again. I couldn't just run from my problems anymore. If life wasn't going to rewind in events, than I must move on. I don't like to leave destruction in my path. Who knows when I may have to walk back down it.

I finished my drink, crawled back into bed, and fell back asleep. Katie and Elise said I snore. *laughs* Oh yeah, I must've passed out. Or maybe it was the fact I was laying on my back. Before getting up and going to work, Katie and I made out a little while longer. I knew she was going to pick up her brother later that day so I got my fill before saying by for a week or two. What I didn't know was she actually got up enough courage to actually bring her brother over here. She was affraid he would smash my face to a pulp. The cool thing was, we got a long great. We talked about geeky things we found online, and stuff we were into, such as Final Fantasy XI, Everquest, and World of Warcraft. I passed. He thinks I am cool.

Yuji came over last night as well. Yuji is the guy I met on my way home from Molly's last time. He came to see Aerosmith in concert and I gave him a place to stay for the night. He and I played Guitar and Keyboard after the girls left. We actually learned a lot from each other.

Today, Dave, Yuji and I sat around learning Japanese. That was cool because I was learning first hand with pronunciation.

Overall, I think I have finally found the key to being happy. I just can't figure out how else to put it into words. Hmmmm.

Well I have many things to do yet tonight, err this morning. So I end my post here. Night ya'll. I still can't help but feel like I am forgetting something. OH YEAH! I got my first Christmas decoration for our mini tree. Yunyu gave it to me! It's chinese!

Coconut Kisses

2005-12-14T03:15:00.000-05:00

Coconut Kisses
Listening to: Batman Begins

Tonight was exceptionally nice. I got a fifth of Coconut Rum. Katie came over after work. Dave, Amanda, Brad, Katie and I all sat around and watched Batman Begins. Katie and I were sitting on the couch together. Then we were laying on the couch together. Next thing I know, we were cuddling on the couch together. It was hard to concentrate on the movie because her fingers kept finding mine, and tracing them with hers.

Her MySpace

Her Facebook

She is REALLY CUTE TOO. What I CAN'T figure out is how a girl who is so pretty, and sweet, and intelligent, has remained single for so long!? She is into art, videogames, music and she hates the same thing I hate the most. She is like a message to me. A gift I hope. I really like her. Weird to think that I would see her at work and be like "Wow, she is cute. I wish she would talk to me." Then Elise told me that her roomate worked with me. When I went home with Elise one day I actually got introduced to her properly instead of my "Hi do you have a roomate named Elise? I'm Marc." *walk away*

After the movie tonight, I walked her to her car, and as she gave me this nice hug, I asked her "Would you be terribley upset if I gave you a goodnight kiss?" She smirked and said "Not terribley..." and we kissed. As the kiss progressed past 30 seconds, I could feel her body tremors from what I would guess is excitement. I remember my first kiss with Molly, Charity and Sara. I remember shaking like that. I can only hope that it was a good shake. *sighs*

I got back in and Bernard, Dave and I did shots with a cheer on them to me. Dave is like "Lucky bastard!" and I smirked and grunted. I am saving the rest of my fifth for later nights. Mmmm, coconut + liquor + cuddling + kisses + Batman = A good night. That's the formula of the day. I shall come up with more.

The Book of Esurience

2005-12-13T20:11:00.000-05:00

The Book of Esurience
Listening to:

This made me laguh my ass off. Dave and I have been slowly working on our MySpace accounts and Dave started using the journal system there. His post was on our quest for French Toast and well, the way he did it was hillarious. We were talking about "our quest" on our way to the store today. This is what he wrote.

The Book of Esurience

1 In the latter-most month of the two-thousandth and fifth year, Marc and David did wake up one morning.
2 And they said: "Lo, we are hungry!" 3 So they set about to make a great pilgrimage to the land known as Soopur Mahr-Ket, 4 knowing that there they wouldst find the ingredients needed to create breakfast.
5 After a time, however, David and his friend Marc grew lazy, and sat upon their haunches and deigned that they should play upon their computers instead.
6 And Marc said to David, 7 "Dude! We shalt wait until tomorrow for the French toast, for today instead we shall go out amongst the people and suffer ourselves to eat at the Chinese buffet."
8 Then David said to Marc, 9 "It is good."
10 And then they slept, but their dreams were fitful, for they could but taste French toast upon their tongues, and could but smell bacon which sizzled.
11 But the bacon didst not sizzle, for it still lay in the freezer.
12 On the second day when Marc and David didst awake, they said, 13 "Lo, we are hungry!" 14 And again they set about to go to Soopur Mahr-Ket, but after a time David sat down upon his haunches.
15 And he said, "Dude. I think I shalt eat the oreos which we have obtained instead, for they are good."
16 Marc said, "It is good, for we shalt lay in wait until tonight, and then if by chance our friends Katie and Elise arrive we shalt go to Soopur Mahr-Ket, so that we may make French toast and bacon for them."
17 But when night arrived, David and Marc sat upon their haunches and watched Kung Pow, which Elise did hate, 18 and thus everyone laughed at her, and called her retarded.
18 And Marc and David did not make French toast.
19 And then they slept, but their dreams were fitful, for they could but taste French toast upon their tongues, and could but smell bacon which sizzled.
20 But the bacon didst not sizzle, for it still lay in the freezer.
21 On the third day when Marc and David awoke, they said, 22 "Lo, we are hungry!" 23 And again they set about to go to Soopur Mahr-Ket, but after a time Marc sat down upon his haunches.
24 And he said, 25 "Dude."
26 And David did say, "What, dude?"
27 And Marc didst reply, "Let us go today to Subway, so that we may feast upon Bacon-Chicken-Ranch, and be appeased."
28 And David said, 29 "It is good, for the Bacon-Chicken-Ranch shall surely appease us." 30 And they did venture to that place called Subway, 31 but it was closed.
32 And Marc did say, 33 "Motherfuckers."
34 So they went instead to the land of the annoying singing gerbils called Quizno's, but that also was closed. So they went to that place called TGI Friday's, and there they did wait for an hour for their food, 35 and one of the waiters did most certainly look a lot like George Foreman.
36 And then they slept, but their dreams were fitful, for they could but taste French toast upon their tongues, and could but smell bacon which sizzled.
37 But the bacon didst not sizzle, for it still lay in the freezer.
38 On the fourth morning, when Marc and David did awake, Marc said, 39 "Dude. Today we shall have French toast, for we have most certainly been procrastinating for three days."
40 And David said, 41 "Let it be so." 42 And they did obtain eggs.
43 Then there was a great cooking of French toast, and a great sizzling of bacon. 44 And the food was good.

If you aren't part of the cure, you're part of the problem.

2005-12-13T01:03:00.000-05:00

If you aren't part of the cure, you're part of the problem.
Watching:

Dave sent this to me. I find it quite humerous. I am not smoking as much any more. Infact, nearly not at all. It seems like an idea to help me go numb again though.

A)Smoking shortens life
B)Death is inevitable
C)Delaying the inevitable is pointless
D)Not smoking delays the inevitable
E) Not smoking is pointless

So yeah, lately I have felt like my life is meaningless. I feel like a failure. Empty, disappointed, alone, angry and used. I haven't felt this way since... well since after Charity broke up with me. Everything I felt when her and I split, has come back again.

I have been restless and yet so exhausted lately. I lay in bed at night, er, morning and as I fall asleep I stare at the ceiling as I find myself constantly asking things like "Why is my life a very ugly pattern?" and "Is God really there?" I want to go back in time and change things. Knowing I can't, I am seeing my past run through my head. The only way I can go back. When I wake up, everything is as it seems. Desolate.

I forgot what I wanted out of life. As I write this I am watching Jerry Mqquire. It starts to bring back my dreams, and who I shared them with. Those people are gone. Gone because either I did something to make them walk away, or I walked away. I am a fuck up. My soft heart has a flaw. For every ounce of love and compassion it is capable of holding, it holds the equal amount of hate and bitterness. A very vengeful heart. I have always been good at keeping all that anger and pain pent up inside me... and I never once said shit I didn't mean to Molly. Not like I did the other night. But damn it, afterwords, I cried hard. I'm an asshole. I always said I was, and now I believe it. I am not gonna turn into my father when he was my age.

I kinda blew off being with Danielle this last week. She wanted me to come home and she wanted to drive me back to Grand Rapids, but I wouldn't let her. To avoid the later, I just stayed her in GR. Missing an opportunity to work and make some money to catch up with bills. Why? Because I am bitter towards the female population again. Right before I met Molly, I thought that all woman were the same. Cheats, heartbreakers, liars, and decievers. When I met her, I regained my trust in the world. I thought I finally found someone who I could give my heart to and trust to hold. Now that I was proven wrong once again, how am I supposed to deal with it? UGH!?!?!

Every night this last week, Dave and I have been hanging out with two girls I go to school with. Katie and Elise. Elise was in my 2D and writing class. Her roomate, I work with. She started working the same day I did. Infact she got the job I didn't want. *snickers* I should have taken it. She has a desk.

Dave thinks Elise is really cute and fun to be with. She is a pervert on the same level we are. We even think the same sometimes. Katie I think is cute. I like talking to her, even though she is the quietest person I know. She doesn't talk much.

One night when I got her to talk, I asked her what the one thing is that pisses her off and makes her angry is. Me knowing what my answer is, I was caught way offgaurd by hers.

"I hate it when people cheat. Adultry, betrayel, lies." My jaw fell when she said that. Finally, a girl I know who is fueled by the same hate.

She was laying on the couch, and I was sitting on the edge playing on my laptop at the coffee table. I leaned back and spanned my arms back over the futon. My arms then fell to the sides, and after a few minutes, I felt fingers playing with mine. The rest of the night, we had our fingers interlaced, and I even fell asleep on the couch for about 20 minutes next to her.

I dunno what last night was about. I haven't talked with her about it yet. I don't even know what she thinks. If this is something, I am not gonna fuck this up. "You were to blame as well." I don't know how I was to blame other than ending the last relationship but damn it, I WILL NOT FUCK UP NEXT TIME. I am taking this REALLY slow. I will not have my heart handed over to someone who is selfish and irresponsable.

I have a lot to think on yet. So I am cutting this off early. Night.

The good... the bad... the ugly.

2005-12-05T00:53:00.000-05:00

The Good... the bad... the ugly.
Listening to: Dave and Joe talk about their sex lives.

This last week has been stressful. I have been pulling all nighters trying to get caught up with school. Finances as well. Thank God for the good things that were there.

Good thing 1) Molly and I have been friends. She has been there for me. Thank God. It is nice talking to her and hearing her voice. She doesn't talk to me like she hates me anymore. I can tell her things I haven't been able to talk to anyone else about and vice versa. I give her advice and she is giving me advice. I lost my best friend when I broke up with her. We are patching things up, and trying to build our friendship again. I missed her a tons. I am happy to see her coming to realization on a lot of things. Her responsability that I once knew is coming back.

Good thing 2) Britt and I have been talking a lot as well. We stayed up all night a few times this week and have caught up. She is coming to stay with me for a day or two in a few weeks. To catch up and spend time together. We recently re-established the friendship we had back before our fling. She has also helped me come to understand some things. I am really happy I never burned these bridges.

Good thing 3) Dave is coming to stay for 2 weeks and he is going to help pay some utilities for staying half the month. This is a relief.

Good thing 4) Danielle and I have gotten closer. She is really worried about the things I am holding on the inside though. We have kept our distance as far as "us" went. I think we have taken a step backwards. To take two steps foreward maybe? I dunno, honostly. It all depends on next spring, if I am still single. Otherwise, by then I won't care.

Good thing 5) My apartment isn't so crowded anymore. I can sit at home a lot of times and work on my shit and not be bothered.

Good thing 6) I got to hang out with Elise and Katie the other night. I love those girls. They rock. Katie is my coworker, and Elise is in my class. They're roomates. Katie and I talked all night about Final Fantasy VII and Star Ocean. Nice.

So yeah, I am just gonna focus on the good and my finals this week. Wish me luck everyone.

Closure

2005-11-29T23:44:00.000-05:00

Closure
Listening to: The dead silence of my apartment.

Saturday night was a night I didn't know how to predict. I was so scared. I was shaking nervously. I snagged one of Jared's... Or maybe it was one of Joey's smokes. I sat with Mom in the living room watching Christmas love stories, smoking to try and settle down. You know the kind of movies where in the end, things always end up ok. But that only happens in the movies right? I was bracing myself. For the first time since before that night in September, I was going to see Molly. I was going to see the girl that haunted my dreams and lit up my nightmares for so long. I was nervous. I have never been nervous about seeing the girl I love.

Why? Why was I so scared? Could have been that maybe I was afraid that she would be hostile toward me. Did she intimidate my heart? Was I afraid of rejection, even as a friend? Or was I afraid to hurt at the sight of her?

From the moment I saw her walk out the door of her Grand parents house, till the time I drove away, my heart was pumping at a 1,000 miles an hour.

Her and I talked. We talked about a lot. I would tell her everything. I spilled to her about Danielle and I. About our first kiss. About the girls I have hooked up with since her, and about my bitter pain towards it all. The things I did in spite of her. The reason I smoke. The bare truth, and every thought I compiled this last 3 months. I even gave her the list of 30 things I knew I missed about our relationship. The highlights that made it all worth while. She would tell me one thing, then reveal later she wasn't telling the complete truth and reveal more.

We kissed. I couldn't walk away that night not knowing what the kiss felt like now. As I suspected. I didn't feel any magic from her end. I felt like mine was being fed in, but no output. Which makes me sad. Was she even kissing back, or did I imagine it all? I kissed her many times over and over hoping for a different result each time, and still in the end, nothing.

On the bed in my old bedroom, I leaned against the wall and I held her. We talked, and our fingers interlaced. Our goodbye wasn't turning out to be a goodbye. It was turning out to be more of a get well/good luck. Goodbye's are forever. Is that what we really wanted?

...never...

As much as it hurt me to hear about her and Aaron, and her new lifestyle, I beat that demon down, so as it wouldn't surface. When I wrapped my arms around her, I shed one tear before cutting myself off. I refused to cry. I knew what would happen. If I started letting go in her arms, she would loose it. I could see in her eyes how hard she was trying not to cry. When she cries, I am vulnerable. I break down harder. Nope, not this time. I wasn't going to make her cry. I didn't want her to take this hard. As much as she has acted like she hasn't cared, and as much as she has acted tough, I knew her inside and out. She wasn't. She did care and acting tough was a front for the little princess she was inside.

I looked into her eyes one last time before turning away. All I got to say was "I love you." What I really wanted to say I didn't have the time for. Her parents being there and all.

"After all the pain and troubles I went through staying with you, it was worth it. Maybe one day our paths will cross in the future. Until then, you're my dream and I don't want you to fade away. Thank you."

It wasn't closure. It wasn't a good bye. In a way, it was a "See you again. Good luck. Thank you."

Also, in an insignificant note... I got my things back. My sweater, blanket, shirts... I returned my TOC Buddy... Diabletto. 1 year, 6 months or so I had him. He always stared down from my monitor. I am actually gonna miss seeing him up there. I have been so used to it. Next to Molly and Axe, and Melody, the other three ducks. Diabletto though, was king of them all and so young. *laugh* Geez, it's bad when I go off in a fictional rant about rubber ducks.

Here and I have been making a lot of effort to patch things up between us. We have weaved to many threads to cut away. Our family, friends... either way, we will cross paths. After all, it was through Brian that I met her.

I finally feel at peace. Like something ended right for once. I won't forget that last look into her eyes before I walked away though.

Eyes On Me
------------------
Whenever sang my songs
On the stage, on my own
Whenever said my words
Wishing they would be heard
I saw you smiling at me
Was it real or just my fantasy
You'd always be there in the corner
Of this tiny little bar

My last night here for you
Same old songs, just once more
My last night here with you?
Maybe yes, maybe no
I kind of liked it your your way
How you shyly placed your eyes on me
Oh, did you ever know?
That I had mine on you

*Darling, so there you are
With that look on your face
As if you're never hurt
As if you're never down
Shall I be the one for you
Who pinches you softly but sure
If frown is shown then
I will know that you are no dreamer

So let me come to you
Close as I wanted to be
Close enough for me
To feel your heart beating fast
And stay there as I whisper
How I loved your peaceful eyes on me
Did you ever know
That I had mine on you

Darling, so share with me
Your love if you have enough
Your tears if you're holding back
Or pain if that's what it is
How can I let you know
I'm more than dressed and a voice
Just reach me out then
You will know that you're not dreaming

Kill the Gobwer!

2005-11-26T04:19:00.000-05:00

Kill the Gobwer!
Listening to: Requiem Zenthor Dei Kai

Wow, this is gonna be quiet an entry.

BW and I drove back from Grand Rapids. Wow I missed that guy. He walked in and we rejoiced with big brotherly hugs. It was great to see him after so many months of not. Our ride back was entertaining. Music that brought back great memories of our childhood. The Offspring at the end of the trip, and of course, 'Padrino' by Smash Mouth.

Thanksgiving was excellent. First time in months I have been that full. Oh man, there goes my figure... not like I had much of one. Afterwords, Joey, Chris and I watched Final Fantasy VII - Advent Children while I let Cody play my Pokemon XD Gale of Darkness game. Eventually, it got late and Joey went off to bed. Chris and Cody headed home, and I went to Danielle's to finish fixing the computer for her.

I came home and passed an hour playing Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles. At 3:30 AM Mom and I left to Ludington to get in line at WalMart, hoping to get one of the 20 laptops that was on sale. $800 laptop, on sale for $278. It was hell there. Anyone ever see those movies, like 'Jingle All The Way', where everyone is fighting over the last toy on the shelf? They don't exagerate. WalMart was worse though. It was so bad, this guy destined to die a virgin (greasy blonde and grey hair, bald spot, fat, coke bottle glasses, and a fucked up goofy look) elbowed a teenage girl in the chest, and layed all over the cart like he was a god damn Allegator on it's eggs. When that buzzer went off, these insane people started ripping that cart apart. I saw my mom dive in between some people to try and get one, as I looked on in complete disbeliefe of the sites. I was wanting that laptop really bad. But, the horror I saw stopped me in my tracks. As I saw my mom diving in, all I saw was her ass, and then nothing. I couldn't see her anymore. I started ripping through the savages trying to get to her, and when I finally pulled everyone away, I saw my mom fighting one guy, holding on for dear life to the last laptop. She was screaming and cussing and he ended up winning the struggle. He took off running with it.

My Mom was in tears. Her glasses were bent into something resembling a Picaso' piece, and there was chunks of her hair laying on her shoulders and caught in her glasses. The guy was fighting dirty. A guy (Nate)standing next to me, and his mother (Sherry) rushed to my aide. They were both employees of that WalMart and had the day off. He was there to get a laptop as well. He succeeded. We guided my mom to the layaway desk and got her some water and coffee and tried to get her to settle down. On our way there, I saw a pair of black gloves that I recognized. My Mom had earlier attatched my gloves to her purse so I wouldn't loose them. Well, they got ripped away from the hook and material and ended up on the other side of the aisle. It was a blood bath.

Nate and Sherry looked at each other, and she said "Merry Christmas" as she handed my mother their laptop. My Mom didn't want to take it. She tried to get them to keep it and said she couldn't accept that. They insisted, and right then, my mother broke down. As mad and evil as I felt seconds before, I suddenly went completly soft, and teared up. I've seemed to have lost my faith in the world. I didn't believe there were people like that anymore. But, I was proven wrong and shown that there are a few good people left around. It took a lot not to show my emotions right then. My jaw just hung there stupidly though.

I guided my mom around the now dying flames of hell, and we looked at what was left. I found a few GameBoy Advances left for $48. I grabbed a red one and got the Kingdom Hearts game to go with it. Why? Well my story for this reasong goes back to about a year ago:

Dave, Bob and I met Danielle, Pat and Catherine at the bowling ally. Danielle told me how all she told her boyfriend she wanted was a Gameboy Advance for Xmas. She bought him a new Xbox and games and a bunch of accessories for it. He got her candles and lotions (if I remember correctly). I thought this was the lousiest move he could've made. I never forgot about that and since then I was determined to get her one as a gift. Now was my time.

I got her the GBA and Game for a Christmas present. I knew she was going to be working thirdshift a lot in the next month, and I remember how much it helped me pass those lonely nights. When she does work the third, and I am in Shelby, I go in and clean the store for her while she serves customers. She is free to relax for about 5-6 hours after having everything done. So we spend our time together at work. Now when I am gone, she has something to keep herself occupied. I knew she was going to be happy when I gave it to her.

As Mom and I continued to walk around the store, we heard people talking of the woman who got trampled in a fight for a computer. It was the talk all of WalMart. We left there and headed down the road to Meijer where my aunt and cousin were. Apparently, she was the talk there as well. It was so known, the radio stations were talking about it, and other injuries others encured. A lady in the WalMart in Muskegon and her daughter are hospitalized. In Seattle, Washington, a mob fight broke out in the store, injuring the workers on the other side of the counters. Another lady is in critical condition. She is/was(?) pregnant.

Like I said, Hell...

That afternoon Mom and I went to the Wooden Nickle to sit and have coffee together. Something her and I love to do. It's how we escape the escapeds of Joey and everyone else, and have our adult conversations. The owner came in and started talking to me. We are pretty good friends because I used to be a regular there. He started telling me how he heard in the WalMart in Ludington a woman was beaten up for a laptop. Mom's eyes went wide, and she looked back at me, and all I could do was smirk and through my head back laughing.

EVERYONE heard of the curse of this black friday. Everyone didn't realize it was the only officer in Oceana County that has made Michigans scariest murderers cry. Nobody realized it was my Mom.

I got my laptop. My Mom lived through Black Friday to get it for me though. What suprised me though was before the buzzer went off, she looked at me and said:

"Marc, everything I have ever taught you about loving people, having the highest respect and manners, and being kind... forget I ever taught that to you for the next half hour. This is going to be a violent scene, and it's either you get rough or you get fucked."

I have said this before, and I will say it again. I have the world's COOLEST mother. If anyone would like to argue that Mom isn't totally kick ass, speak up. I love my mother. Her and I have a friendship bond that is hard to be broken. I am the only one that understands her she says. Before, there was only one other girl that held such importance in my life, and she seems to have given up on 'us'.

I waited for Molly to show up tonight. When I called I found out she wasn't coming up tonight cause of the weather. Bummer. You know, it only goes to show that always trying to see her becomes a problem. The tests of life. She is coming up tomorrow morning, but as she is coming up, I am going back to Grand Rapids to work. I will most likely be back in Shelby tomorrow night. Bobbo and BW are coming down to GR and staying at my place for a few hours whilest I work. Then we are gonna head back this way. Hopefully, Molly will want to spend time with me still.

I brought Danielle down some dinner tonight while she was working. Then I came back home and spent time with the family and their gf's. Mom, Brittney, Mary, Chris, and Joey all played Scrabbled while I played on my new laptop. When it came time to go, I packed everything up and went to Danielle's. I gave her the present, and I have never been hugged that tight before. She gave me a bunch of kisses out of it as well. The rest of the night consisted of playing on the computers, our gameboys. eating milk and cookies, and watching TV together. It got late eventually so I made my way back home. I walked into a dark house, with music playing. Christmas music. And My Mom sitting in the dark enjoying the peace.

Just then a song came on. This song, I have heard EVERY year since I started dating Charity. It always makes me think of what I would do if I ever lost my mother. So I will end with the lyrics of the song, and I highley recommend downloading it and giving it a listen.

--The Christmas Shoes--

it was almost christmas time, there
i stood in another line
tryin' to buy that last gift or two,
not really in the christmas mood
standing right in front of me was a
little boy waiting anxiously
pacing ‘round like little boys do
and in his hands he held a pair of shoes
his clothes were worn and old, he was
dirty from head to toe
and when it came his time to pay
i couldn't believe what i heard him say

chorus:
sir, i want to buy these shoes for my mama, please
it's christmas eve and these shoes are just her size
could you hurry, sir, daddy says there's not much time
you see mom's been sick for quite a while
and i know these shoes would make her smile
and i want her to look beautiful if mama meets jesus tonight

he counted pennies for what seemed like years
then the cashier said, son, there's not enough here
he searched his pockets frantically
then he turned and he looked at me
he said mama made christmas good at our house
though most years she just did without
tell me sir what am i going to do,
somehow i've got to buy her these christmas shoes

i just had to help him out and as i laid the money down
i'll never forget the look on his face when he said
mama's gonna look so great

chorus

bridge:
i knew i'd caught a glimpse of heaven's love
as he thanked me and ran out
i knew that god had sent that little boy
to remind me just what christmas is all about

chorus

Advent Children

2005-11-22T02:18:00.000-05:00

Advent Children
Listening to: The Black Mages Soundtrack

OMG

OMG

OMG

Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children is BY FAR, the best movie I have EVER seen. I was sucked right into it and my jaw hung done the entire time. Don't believe me? Ask Amanda, Mike or Matt. LOL they'll tell you. I got aggressive whenever someone interupted me.

The movie was so nicely put together. The fight scenes were insane, and the music... omg, they had the battle music, Jenova's music AND Sephiroth's music!

*goes to change pants* >.>

I can't wait for the English Dub to come out!

My life is an oxymoron cliche'

2005-11-21T02:38:00.000-05:00

My life is an oxymoron cliche'
Listening to: The peace and quiet, finally....

So this weekend was definetly different. Yet again, I am really confused about Danielle. I am getting to the point where mind games are not my favorite hobby anymore. I am so confused on what Danielle feels, and it's making me think about everything. One second, she acts like she really likes me, the next, she acts like she doesn't want to be any thing more than JUST FRIENDS. *shakes head* Ugh, it makes my head hurt. I wish she would make up her mind.

Tonight, I talked to Molly on the phone for I think, about 40 minutes. I really enjoyed it too. We laughed, caught up, talked, and overall, it wasn't a bad convo. It was almost like the conversations her and I used to have before... well, you know.

Some doors are starting to open and now I am at a crossroads in my life. Windows that were sealed by the shades are now shining light in. I can see things I could barely see before, and I am starting to come to terms and realizations with a lot of things. What is sad about it all is that no matter what window I look through, I see pain. It makes me want to sprint back down the path and take a different road hoping there might be something better.

Danielle is hurting me by playing these mind games, and of course, my infinite love for Molly is hurting me and will one day serve an extremely painful blow to me before finally going numb indefinetly.

151... relaxing... medicine for the confused. Mix that with Fight Club, and maybe half a 2 liter of coke, and well, it makes for a night where you see things clearly for the first... or second times.

I am going to crash hard. Will I have more oddball dreams? My dreams have started to cross. The fear of never seeing Molly again. The fear of seeing her. Danielle and everything that is fucked up about 'us'. It's enough to make for a fucked up dream. It's enough to make a grown man scream insanity.

These thoughts eat away at my skull, on top of the many worries and struggles in life.

This week... Black Friday... closure... will this be my last good bye, or my final hello? *smiles* Life can be so bittersweet. Life is one giant oxymoron. As humans, we strive to find an indefinate happiness. Peace, security, love, and safety from any form of pain. What we get is one with the other. One thing I have always told myself, with every ounce of love, there is an equal or greater amount of hate. With peace comes war, pain comes pleasure, and a beginning comes an end. A chain is only as long as it's weakest link. I temper myself with each painful thought, and become stronger.

I can only hope one thing. This confusion that acts as a storm in my head eventually runs weak, and dies out. *shakes head* Ok, I am now ready for bed. I am rocking back in forth in my chair trying to stay awake.

I could snap anytime now...

2005-11-16T21:53:00.000-05:00

I could snap anytime now...
Listening to: Oh Brother Where Art Thou

Last night, I came home from class and a bunch of people showed up. It seems since MS75 is closed, our apartment is always busy. I haven't even had a chance to sit down and relax and play my new game without any interuptions. My tv and couch is always accupied. If it's not, my computer is, and there is always noise. I wish sometimes, I could come home and expect to find either just Mike or no one at all. I miss having quietness. All this contact with people nonstop is really starting to grind at me. Now it seems I can't get away from anyone anymore. Dave is always playing the computer in our apartment. When Amanda isn't working she is always up here, Kelli comes to see Dave but he is on the computer in our apartment. Phil and Kyle show up every now and then because MS is closed so they hang with Mike, everyone, and me here. I just wish people wouldn't just invite themselves over ALL THE TIME.

Mike and I pay the bills. We pay for internet, which I have to ask to use numerous times. We pay the electric bill and it seems everytime I come home, all the lights are on. The dishes are always dirty and piling up, counters always have food and shit drying on them. Food ends up laying in the sink. I feel like I am the only one who knows how to clean up after myself. When the house gets cleaned, it's because I clean it.

Last night, I chipped in half for a pizza. That means 4-5 slices should have been mine. SHOULD HAVE, being the key words. I got 2 small slices and then next thing I know, it's all gone. I couldn't study for my exam because of everyone coming over, using my internet, and talking, blaring music and watching tv. I couldn't even think or sit in my living room. I was about ready to go on a murder spree.

That's not the only thing bothering me lately. I have a lot of emotions spinning around inside of me right now. Next week, Molly is going to be in Shelby. It will be the first time I have seen her, since a few weeks before we broke up. Why do I want to see her? Everyone keeps asking me this. I have to bring closure or something to my broken heart. I have to see her one last time before I finally accept what has happened. Before I have to let her go for good.

I think Danielle is worried I am going to go back to her. She seemed pretty concerned when I talked to her last night. It makes me wonder what she really feels for me. Does she really get jealous or worried about stuff like this? It is so hard to read her. I am so confused about her as well. When I am with her, I am happy. I like to do things for her, and make her smile. I think for the first time in my life, I am scared of falling for a girl. I just fell down a cliff this last two months. Do I really wanna try climbing back up? I can't think... just so much noise.

*sighs* Stuck between Molly and Danielle, and I can't understand either of them. I don't understand what either of them want.

It was kinda nice to wake up today and see snow pouring down out of the sky. I have been waiting for snow for a while now. I hope the holiday season starts soon. I know the Christmas music has on the radio. There is a few other things eating away at me, but this seems to be the one crossing my mind often.

Insert Swear Words Here

2005-11-14T14:52:00.000-05:00

*Insert Swear Words Here*
Listening to: A Fate Preordained

I had lots to tell on my next entry. About this last week or two. Me loosing my phone, almost blowing up, etc etc. I am going to skip most of it.

Thursday, the 3rd, MorningStar 75 closed. EARLY TOO. This really sucks. No more coffee shop groups. No more friends through that place. No more good times everynight there. I am going to miss that place deeply. I was a known regular. Somewhere I belonged.

Friday, the 4th, I was walking with Charlie and Talon to go to the ATM to get some cash so we could go buy dinner, sit at my place, and play videogames. On the way there, I realize my phone was no longer at my hip. Freaking out, I accused Charlie of having it. He laughed and said he didn't have it, ditto with Talon.

So I walked up and down Grand Rapids looking for it. I was out untill 3:30 AM looking for the damn thing before I finally got to cold, and walked my ass back to my apartment. I crawled onto my couch, and instantly fell asleep.

The next morning I awake to what sounds like a construction truck dropping it's load. I roll over and went straight to sleep again. Five minutes later, Anime Dave comes shooting into my apartment yelling "MARC, THERE WAS AN EXPLOSION ON THE FIRST FLOOR BY OUR ROOM. WE NEED TO GET OUT OF THE BUILDING! I AM GONNA GO AND MAKE SURE EVERYONE ELSE IS OUT. SEE YOU IN THE PARKING LOT!"

He then exited and I sat up out of bed. "Oh great... first morningstar, yesterday, now this. I don't even give a damn anymore."

I got out of bed and looked at the pair of pants at my feet. Nope, decided not to wear those. I kicked them out of my way, and made my way to the bedroom. Found my holy cargo's, and pulled those on. I waled back out into the living room, sat down on the couch, and reached around under it for my socks and shoes. This whole time, I am not rushing to get out, I am just doing it. I was not in the mood, and frankly, I had my fill of shit for the month arleady. And it was only the 5th.

As I stood up, I thought to myself "If my house were to blow up what things would I want to grab before leaving?" As I thought, the first thing that entered my mind was my Gameboy. Very pathetic I know, but that thing gives me my gaming fixes on the go. I grabbed my back pack with my sketchbook, and ran into my bedroom. On my dresser I have this picture of Molly, My Mom and I from my prom. I snagged that up too. A lot of things crossed my mind as I slid the picture into the bag. Stuff I decided not to think about providing my current situation.

As I walked back out of the bedroom, I went to my kitchen table. I found my leather racing jacket, my nike hat, sunglasses, smokes and keys. I was good to go. I had what I needed to survive. So I walked out into the pitch black hall. FIre alarm going off on the floor below us.

Eventually I made my way to the bottom. Matt met me in the parking lot, along with Dave and Kelli. As we are all standing around, Matt was like "SHIT, I forgot something in my apartment!" I decided to go back up and lock our door just incase people inside decided to pillage our place. As I locked my door, I went into Matt's apartment. We got some left over pizza, and walked out. Apparently, the site of Matt and I walking out of a ticking time bomb eating pizza was humerous. The fire department showed up about then.

Standing around, I got annoyed with life, and pulled out a smoke. I sulked as I realized I left my lighter in my room. So I walked over to the fire fighter and asked him for a light. Suprisingly, he had one. Heh. Kelli and Dave were just looking on in complete disbelief. I didn't care though. I was getting really annoyed with my shitty hands in life.

I called my mom at work and she was freaking out because a GRCC teacher found my cell phone. I still hadn't contacted her so she was worried about my where abouts. I was happy to find out my phone was only 4 blocks away and ready to be picked up.

Eventually, we discovered that what happened was the transformer box blew up and took the telephone pulls outside with it. Explosions... so big it knocked Dave and Kelli out of bed, and stirred me from mine. Aiy, that day ended with the biggest storm I have seen in a long time.

Now we fast foreward. A week or so later. I woke up yestersay morning after a few dreams. Some sudden realizations on my part. I am so down now. I don't know what I want to do. I know what I want and feel, and I don't know what I want at the same time.

I woke up wanting to go back to sleep. I didn't want to wake up unless I was waking up in my room in Shelby. My bedroom still decorated the way it always was. The only annoyance I had in the world was knowing I had to work 40+ hours a week. Being able to see my family and take care of my mom.

The late nights with Ryan and Dave. Playing Halo and beating each other up.

and...

waking up everyday believing she loved me, and knowing I found the one I wanted to be with forever...

Where did everything go wrong? Why did everything suddenly change on me!? I just want everything I love back.

Osama the Llama

2005-11-10T12:04:00.000-05:00

Osama the Llama
Listening to:

So I was gonna adopt a tiger, but Molly had one already. I might later, but for now, here is Osama the Llama. He is so sad because he is so blue. Thus is the way of a blue Osama Llama. Blue Osama Llama's don't do anything really. Infact, they are just blue and that's all they do. Blue blue blue, Osama is blue, blue blue blue, he will spit on you!

adopt your own virtual pet!

Empty Apartment

2005-11-02T22:02:00.000-05:00

Empty Apartment
Listening to: Empty Apartment by Yellowcard

This song seemed to fit my mood in the back of my mind. I dunno why though. I will think on it tonight I guess.

-----------
Call me out
You stayed inside
One you love
Is where you hide
Shot me down
As I flew by
Crash and burn
I think sometimes
You forget where the heart is

Answer no to these questions
Let her go, learn a lesson
It's not me, you're not listening
Now, can't you see something's missing
You forget where the heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

Waking up from this nightmare
How's your life?
What's it like there?
Is it all what you want it to be?
Does it hurt when you think about me?
And how broken my heart is

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay to be angry and never let go
It only gets harder the more that you know
When you get lonely if no one's around
You know that I'll catch you when you're falling down
We came together but you left alone
And I know how it feels to walk out on your own
Maybe someday I will see you again
And you'll look me in my eyes and call me your friend

Take you away from that empty apartment
You stay, and forget where the heart is
Someday if ever you loved me you'd say, it's okay

It's okay
It's okay

Halloween Weekend

2005-11-01T19:27:00.000-05:00

Halloween Weekend
Listening to: Everyone discuss what will happen to MS75.

Man alive... an update is due.

I talked to Molly on the phone the other day. She said something that really stopped me in my tracks. She still loves me somehow, but she just wants me to be happy. I don't know why hearing that stopped me, but it did. I am kinda upset at her for getting involved in her old problems again. Involved with guys who do shit she told me she didn't want me doing. The difference? We were together, she just benefits with them. Ugh, I hope that Aarron kid gets what's coming to him, and I hope she realizes the human heart isn't a thing to toy with. She of all people should know what it's like to be broken hearted because of actions like her current ones. Birds of a feather, stick together. Go figure, she leaves Lakes, and starts a sorta fling with atleast 3 guys all at once. From the stories I have heard, and the shit she told me was said about her, I can only guess it was all true. Things didn't change. Well the school and this time, the guys are older.

Ugh, I am so bitter towards her, yet, I know I still love the her I fell in love with. Does anyone know what it is like to be called by the one you love because "I had no one to talk to, so I decided to call you."? *SLAP IN THE FACE* Gee, thanks woman! I am just good for your entertainment when you don't have anyone kissing your ass. Is that what that means? Aiy, especially when she is the one who really wants the friendship to work, but yet, only contacts me when no one else seems interested in her. That's all I feel like I was this last 2 years anymore. I know I wasn't the cutest guy on the block, but God Damnit, I took care of her, I was honost with her, and I was always loyal to her. I always tried to be the best boyfriend. Apparently I wasn't good enough for her. She gets guys who fill her appatitie there now, and discards her old teddy bear.

Ok now that I have got my bitching out of the way, I guess I will start on my weekend. Danielle couldn't come Friday like planned. She was gonna show up Saturday afternoon, but this turned into Saturday night because of plans going wrong with certain situations. I fell asleep and awoke at 9:45 to her outside beeping my apartment. I let her in, and gave her a big hug. Everyone else went to Ty and Trea's party already. We were both hungry so we walked and got Pizza. The woman wouldn't let me pay. She convinced the girl working the counter ( a fellow KCAD student too....) to let her pay. Ugh. So I let her, and then I went and bought pop because I purposely left it out so she couldn't buy it. We enjoyed our dinner with each other, and then went to the party. OMG.

So the party cast was Charlie (the russian from KCAD), Amanda S, Treant and his gf Amanda, Tyler, Dave and Kelli, Marshall (Trea and Ty's gay uncle), one of Trea and Ty's friends, Me, and Danielle. Kelli must've had like 5 shots of "dirty girl scouts" and I ended up having 12 shots, a yeagar bomb, half a beer, a cup of vodka, and a yeager, mint things mix double shot. Danielle had a few shots and a beer. Dave and Charlie were well drunk before I got there. So were the twins and both Amanda's. I think that is the first drinking party that I have really been to where it was more then just about drinking. I mean, we all had a blast. Danielle and I walked Charlie home, then her and I went home and went to bed ourselves.

We didn't awaken till the next day around 11:30. That's after the time change back. We then woke up, laid and watched TV together, and decided to go to Meijer to get food. She spoiled me rotten. ^_^ I wanted to go to Taco bell. We went in, and BOOM, before I could get my debit credit card out to pay, she was shoving me backwards and paying. I was like "GOD DAMN YOU WOMAN LET ME PAY!!!" She laughed at me and said "Nuh uh." -_-' Why do the girls I get interested in always wanna pay?

We came back, cuddled while watching movies, and occasionally, I picked up my homework. Later, we went to MS and met everyone. Sitting there, we got the munchies bad. So we went and all got McDonalds and then came back and talked about the party the night before with everyone else. Wow, time really does fly by when we are all together.

Before we knew it, it was late. Danielle and I headed back to my apartment, playe don the computers and videogames. I was playing guitar for a while as well. I played the Balamb Theme Song from Final Fantasy VIII. Then Danielle goes "Hey wait, that's the song from Final Fantasy... Balamb Garden right?" I was like "OMG, I AM GOING TO MARRY YOU WOMAN!"

This still totally blows my mind about her. I cannot believe she knows videogame music, and listens to it often like me. *sigh* Pro's and Con's to every relationship I guess. You can't have one thing without sacraficing the other I guess.

I put Boondock Saints in, and she fell asleep ten minutes into the movie. I figured as much would happen. SHe was extremely tired. We slept all day, and I emailed work sick. I could barely swallow my own saliva or water. We laid in bed all afternoon and watched Boondock Saints over. Then we watched some TV, ate food, and more lounging around.

Trick or treating... we didn't do it. Instead, Danielle put eyeliner and eye shadow on my and I waltzed around in my outfit from last year... with one difference. Insanely long hair that covers my eyes, nose and ears. Flipped outword. So I looked like a genuine creature of the night... or to some, an EMO-Kid. Bastards.

Sadly, she went home last night. I awoke this morning sad because of her absense. We talked last night though. I asked her where we were going with this. I knew right now, with her being in Shelby, and working 40+ hours, and me only coming home sometimes on the weekends for only a day or two, a relationship was not possible. That is the only thing restricting us right now. But if she enrolls into GVSU for spring and DOES move here, she said we are hooking up for a fact. So until then, I am single, until something or someone else comes along and grabs my attention. Right now, I think of only 2 others outside of Danielle that could grab my attention. Doubt that would happen though.

In sad news though, MorningStar 75 is closing. Thursday this last week is it's last night. Right now, we are all devising a plan to get a business loan, and buy the place, and run it ourselves. We all have some special talent we will attribute to making this place what it has been, and better. The owner is a complete asshole, and all we have to do is get him to relinguish his death grip on this building with a small sum of 30K. Dave, Steve and Phil are all heading this up. They all are going to invest into this place. No body is taking our place away from us. Fuck them. This place is a home to so many. The lady from Goonies comes in here every morning to buy coffee.... $400 a month they say she spends on average. That is a fricken shit load. From one customer. So he can't say he isn't making any money off this place. I am sure I have spent my good share here as well.

Oiy, I am sick as all hell right now. Medicated. So I might be heading to bed here in a bit. Night y'all.

The Following Weekend

2005-10-25T19:33:00.000-04:00

The Following Weekend
Listening to: Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon

Wow, I am pushing myself to near exhaustion. Running around, trying to keep up in school and work. I wish I ould just relax... no homework, no job, no responsabilities for just a week. Unwind. I guess that's why I look foreward to the weekends again.

See, back in Shelby, I have my brother and Jared of course. They are always up to something. Great thing about them two. Then there is Zach, Dave and Trombley. Three guys who always like to just chill. Josh, great for laughs as well as is Jake. Justin and Brad are always there to hang as well. They make the weekend worth while.

Saturday evening, Zach picked me up and brought me back to Shelby. That night, Danielle came over after work, and her, Joey, Brad, Jared and I all walked out into the woods where they have been hearing noises. Noises like, little girls singing and laughing. Wierd shit happening lately. Sure enough, I heard the little girl noises. I told them exactly what they had heard, before they could tell me. So I was convinced we weren't hearing things. Danielle and I stayed together. Actually, I was the back end of the group. We made a Diamond around her as we proceded deeper into the woods. Although, Jared and Brad were talking about stuff I found kinda silly. Sometimes I wonder if it's just their imagination getting the best of them. Possesing the spirits out there into their swords. *lol* Ok, I am a game obsessed nerd, but that's extreme right there.

We got back and it was like 4 AM. Danielle and I went into the basement to watch Desperado, but 10 minutes into the movie, Danielle was passed out in my arms. -_-' Figures. I wanted to talk to her, and we ended up spending the night in the woods before going back to my moms place to crash.

The next morning I woke her up by nibbiling on her. In mid fool, Joey comes down and was like "Mom wants you to go fix Grandpa's Computer." -_-* OIY. Of all the times. I decided that they can wait another 30 minutes or so, and spent that time with Danielle. Glad I did.

When Danielle and I emerged from the basement, we talkedwith everyone for a few, and then walked outside to the cars. She had a flat tire. Well, me being the guy I changed it for her. Got dirty and such but hell, I did it! She went home to get ready for work. I spent time with my grand parents, and went on through out the day. Guys night was in a few hours, so I got everything I needed out of the way.

When Dave and I showed up for guys night, everyone who had a dick in our group was there... except Trombley ofcourse. *l* I asked Josh if he had a girlfriend and he said "No." Then he asked me who mine was. I chuckled and replied with "Pick a girl off my list." as I was walking out to have a smoke on the porch. Just after I said this, Mom sitting at her desk goes "Probably the girl he was sleeping with last night." My face turned beat red, jaw hung down slightly and I felt about 21 eyes on me. Yes, 21 cause Joey techinically can't see with one. Anyways, I just said "Well, ummm, I'M GOING OUTSIDE TO SMOKE! ANYONE CARE TO JOIN DAVE AND I, PLEASE FEEL FREE TO!"

Dave and I walked out laughing in disbelief. I couldn't believe my mother had just said that. We cross different lines every day.

It got late, and Danielle ended up coming over after work. Her and I cuddled and she fell asleep in my lap. She woke up later and drove home because she had to get new tires in the morning. Why? Because Friday around 6-7 she is coming to GR to stay with me all weekend. Just us! Dates, parties and movies planned! *major happy smile* So all for her, I am working my ass of this week, work and school, and doing 12 hour shifts for my days just so things can get done a little better.

Wow, I am so pumped about her coming down here. She has no idea how she makes me feel. I am so happy when I am with her. Anyways, gonna go to Morning Star and do my homework. Oh and for the record, I resisted buying 4 games today. 4 games I have been looking for, for what seems like forever... ON SALE TOO.

Oh! Here are some pics for everyone:

This is Danielle and I a few weeks ago at my moms house. We were having a bondfire party. I came up behind her, poked her sides, and she grabbed my hands and wrapped them around her. Joey pops up ou of no where and snags a shot of us. We are both exhausted from the drama of our lives. Can't you tell. We look stoned.

Danielle's Senior Picture. She looks a lot younger in this. It's amazing. I love her eyes and smile though. She looks like a girl from Final Fantasy. ^_^ That Dog is her ex-boyfriend's dog. She is an animal lover.

The Best Weekend In A Long Time

2005-10-19T01:13:00.000-04:00

The Best Weekend In A Long Time
Listening to: Trapt - Someone In Control Album

I had a great weekend. Life is going back to being good. Really nice, because I was really getting upset at everything.

Let's see where do I start? Hmmm... Ok well, Thursday I went to Jessie's with my neighbor Matt, and we hung out there for quite a while. I passed out in her room, half on her bed, and Matt woke me up to say "Let's go back." I stayed there instead.

The next day, Friday, I woke up and went to school, just to find out my only class for the day was canceled. The class I was going to originally skip to see Molly. Well, that was cool, so I went out to lunch with Jessie and ate her chilly cheese fries. It is amazing what you will eat when you're hungry. I then went to work, for a whole 2 hours.

After work that night I was in a college movie. I took the bus to the mall, and then walked to the middle school to meet Aubrey. Aubrey is a girl that started working at the library the same day as me. Megan, Shelby's other pastors daughter, whom I sorta dated in between Sara and Charity, and Charity and Molly, and who I took to my Senior homecoming, moved away. Her and Aubrey at one point were best friends at her new school. So anyways, I hung out with her, played a part in the movie, rode the bus back, and talked to Molly on the way back.

Saturday, I went to work, came home, and the entire apartment was empty. It feels so nice to have privacy again. I love Anime Dave, and I love Amanda, but sometimes, I need my privacy so I am sociable later on. I sat around waiting for Kevin, to see if we were going back to Shelby. It got late and he didn't call back. Zach then calls me, and says "I'm in Muskegon, I will come get your ass and bring you back to Shelby." Muskegon is about the halfway point so he came and got me and we drove back together.

We talked for a while, then my phone rang. It was Molly. She was telling me about her day at home, and we carried on a civil conversation. No fights, some hidden pain of course, but we talked like we used to. It was nice. I didn't want to get off the phone with her, but I wanted to talk to Zach on the last 20 min. of our drive. So I got off the phone with her, got some McyD's, and continued home. We talked about our problems, and stupid things that have happened recently.

Danielle couldn't hang out that night after work. She had to go to her mothers and do something, so we made arrangements to hang out before I left, and before she worked on Sunday. Well, she never showed up. Some things came up and happened differently then she expected. She felt like crap and said she wanted to spend time with me after work that night and she was going to drive me back to Grand Rapids herself before I had work on Monday.

This totally made my weekend the best it has been in a long time. When she got out of work, we all loitered around outside of Wesco. Danielle, Brad, Catherine and I, the Wesco worked possy, and Justin. Afterwards, Danielle came back to my moms house with me. Everyone was playing cards, and you couldn't have more then 4 people in that game. So Danielle and I went into the basement to play videogames. I fall for that woman more and more every time I swear to God. She beat me in every round of Super Smash Brothers, and in Pokemon, just before I could beat her, the game reset on its own. While playing videogames, I was laying on the mattress, and she was in chair. Halfway through the gaming session, she came down and laid under my arm. After Videogames, we decided to turn the lights off and go to bed. She slept in my arms all night. She ran her fingers through my hair too. OMG, pure, utter heaven. Everything that followed that... was like one great dream.

Everything that happened. I won't say here, but she makes me feel comletly different. I felt something that night that was different from the past. The feelings... the emotions. We learned so much about each other that we didn't expect. A lot of it was first times when it came to the experiences and discovery's. We also talked about what was going on between us. We aren't a couple. In fact, we aren't "dating" parsay. We are really close, and the feelings are quite obvious. We came up with really close friends, with those special benefits. Untill, we decide what's up. So in a way, we are both single, but I know I am really not looking now. I think I found the only other person I want to fill the void from Molly.

She said so much to me that night that made me feel better. She made me feel that "they" were fools for giving someone like me up. She said I was the most passionate person she has been with. We felt wanted, needed, and in place. Who knows what will happen with us in the future. A relationship may happen, but right now, we both decided it wouldn't be good.

She is planning on moving down here in the spring, to attend GVSU. Kelli goes there, and her and Danielle have been acquainted. Danielle is going to get an apartment, so I am shopping for her right now. I would love it if she lived here in the Highland Apartments with us.

When we awoke the following afternoon, we both showered and got ready to head to GR. I called into work, and scheduled my hours for Tuesday and Thursday after school to make up for not working. I wanted to spend more time with her. The whole ride back we enjoyed each others company, and told stories from our past. When we arrived back in GR, her and I stood outside and had a smoke before coming in.

We downloaded the entire Trapt soundtrack, and some Final Fantasy music. She likes videogames and videogame music. That is a woman after my own heart. With my new CD burner, I burned her a few CDs with the game music, and other songs. She watched almost all of my music videos and she really liked them. What is so great though, was we talked about Anime and and Videogames, and she knew every scene from my videos. Her favoritr DBZ character is Piccolo. Her favorite FF character is Squall. This whole time I was clung to her, like a kid on a new toy.

She is very playful. VERY. Her favorite pass-time is to get me on the ground, screaming, crying and struggling as she tickled me to tears. She knows about cars, she loves dirt biking and 4-wheeling, she is a hard worker, and she has a very serious side to her when she needs to. She is the country girl that I never really dated, even though I was looking. She hates and loves Shelby the same as I do. She has been on her own since like 17 as well. She is also the first girl I have ever had anything with, that is older then me. Almost 3 months exactly. Her birthday is February 21. On my 21st birthday, she said she is getting me so drunk and having her way with me. *laugh* Yeah, like alcohol needs to be involved.

This is all the stuff I learned this weekend alone. She made me completly forget about my problems, and pain. I like that. I need that. It was Monday, the day that my $1,800 tuition payment was due, or I wouldn't be in college anymore. Did I care? Yeah I did, but when I was with her, it didn't bother me. Of course, that day I got a letter in the mail saying I got the loan I needed. ^_^ All was well in the world again.

I walked her back down to her car around 9pm that night. Our goodbyes are always so hard for me. I get lots of kisses and tight hugs out of it. Everytime we depart, I feel lonely. I feel like next time I see her, things won't be the same between us. That I would "loose" her. I guess it should be a normal feeling for me though. Instinctive fear from past pain and loss. How do you loose something that isn't your's though? When I was with Molly, I honostly never believed any of this was ever going to happen. I had no intention for it. Sure I have always had a crush on her. Before Molly that started. But who doesn't have crushes? It's whether or not you let those crushes cross a line or become a threat, and I never let Danielle come in between Molly and I. Even when Danielle was always telling me to leave her because of the situation from last summer. Oiy, went off in a tangent again.

She left, and I called her to make sure she made it home safely. We talked for a while and then did our things for the night.

I got my grades for the midterms. I have to talk to my Drawing 1 teacher about my grade. I am a bit confused on the C+ I got. I have got nothing but Excellents and Good job's! A's in other words. Why C+? Did she miss me while taking attendance a few times? She loved me. She is one of my favorite teachers and she calls me by my name outside of class. Tomorrow I find out about my Art History Mid-term.

Tonight, I got out of work. Long day. 8:30AM-9:00PM. I came home, played Diablo II online for an hour and then walked to the Gas Station to buy a drink and a Black and Mild cigar. As I was leaving the apartment, Danielle called me and she talked to me the whole way there, and the whole way back. She was worried about me getting shit from the bums. ^_^ *sigh* Make it to Saturday, and I can see her. I am kidnapping her after work that night because Sunday she doesn't work.

Zach is coming to GR on Monday, so I will be staying till Monday afternoon in Shelby. I just have to be back in time for work at 4PM. He is staying for a few days here in GR. Then Danielle is coming down the following weekend for a few days. We have a date on Halloween. If everything goes like planned, this is going to be the best 2 weeks in a long time.

When I got back to Morning Star from the gas station, I let Danielle go so she could do some grocery shopping. I hung out with Phil, Dave and Amanda. Dave, Phil and I learned how to pick locks. It is so cool. I know how to pick basic locks now. I have been practicing all night on the portable lock we are using. This weekend, we will learn Bolt locks and door knobs. Accuired New Skill! Lock Picking Skill +1!

So yeah. I am gonna go to bed now. I have class then work tomorrow. Then projects I have to get done for Thursday. I just figured I was past due for a happy post.

The Sniping Dolphins

2005-10-13T20:04:00.000-04:00

Dolphins will snipe you...
Listening to: Terra Reborn

Ok, so this has to be the most unusual article I have ever stumbled upon on the internet. I couldn't help but laugh after reading it. Though, could be serious, it also the most retarded event to happen following a Hurricane.
Sniping Dolphins

Well, Molly called me this morning, and told me she wasn't going to be stopping into Grand Rapids. *sigh* I didn't even care about getting my stuff back that much. It was because I wanted to see her again. I wanted to look upon her and read her from her eyes. I wanted to know something. But suddenly, for some reason, her ride decided to drive her all the way home. Why? So, that is a no go. I was really looking foreward to tomorrow.

I got the apartment to myself tonight! YES! Dave is downstairs in Amanda's I am guessing. Mike and Jaime went back to Shelby for the weekend. So it is just me. ^_^

I am glad this week is almost over. I am going home this weekend hoepfully, and I will get to see the fam, and hang out with my friends and of course, Danielle.

I am gonna walk to MS75 and then to the gas station for a drink. I just ate some homemade potato soup. :-D Now I am thirsty.

It's a night.

2005-10-11T23:49:00.000-04:00

It's a night.
Listening to:

Well, tonight is all about getting my studies done. Mid-terms in the morning.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BOBBO! Guy just turned 20! To bad I am not there, I would hassle him in person!

Ugh, I just wanna go home and see the family, Danielle, and my close friends. I am getting really annoyed with the ignorance of people around here. Just can't seem to get away from it.

Oiy.

Headed Off to Work

2005-10-10T14:31:00.000-04:00

Headed Off to Work
Listening to: Fantasy Reborn Piano Music

Oiy, I am exhausted. I had a pretty exhausting weekend. Friday night, Dave, Kelli and I went with Kevin to Kareoke. Kelli got some pics of me singing I guess. I haven't seen them. I sang Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand again, along with The Middle by Jimmy Eat World and What's My Age Again by Blink 182. We got back late, so Kelli and Dave slept on the couch. Right before going to bed, Danielle called me. This shocked me... she never calls. She called because she heard from Bob I wasn't going to be able to make it home, and she was about ready to come to Grand Rapids and get me. So her and I talked for a while. Then I went to bed.

Saturday I woke up and went to work. Worked four 4 hours, came home, packed up and waited for Kevin to swing by and get me to head back to Shelby. I got home and helped clean the house. Mom and I then ordered Pizza and watched TV together. Just mom and son time. I miss her a lot. It's hard to do anything because of all the people that come over. But towards the end of the night Brittany showed up and we went to the dance to see everyone and to pick up my brother. I slow danced one song with her, and talked the rest of it. Amazing how everyone in HS looks so young. What really sucks is when songs you listened to growing up are on the classic rock station... songs that came out in your generation.

Britt left and I hung out with Joey and Mom for a little while longer. When those two went to bed, Danielle called me and we decided to meet at the laundry mat. So I grabbed all the laundry and met her there. I had a good time there. I sat inside the dryers, and the only thing you could see was my legs hanging out and my head poking out. She still had laundry in it, and I wouldn't move. I made her pay tolls. But I got drafted.

When I got out of the dryer, she unclipped my belt hook and pantsd me. I chased her with my pants at my ankles and then a car drove by. I stood in the window waving. >,<

That wasn't so bad... it was when she came up to me and I thought she was going to give me a hug. Instead, she tickled me and when I was vulnerable, pantsd me AGAIN. This time... EVERYTHING. She said she didn't see, but jesus... that draft. So I held her down and tickled her till she couldn't stand it anymore.

We spent a few hours just sitting there having a good time. She then told me she got an entire week off around Halloween and wants to come to GR and stay with me. Then go out together on Halloween Night. This was great news for me. I have such a great time when I am with her. The other guy she is sorta seeing is really jealous of me. And of course, her ex bf Jon hates me as well.

After hanging with her, and finally saying our goodbyes, she told me she better see me tomorrow. I told her I was fixing her furnace for her. She replied with "That's great! I will have heat and I get to watch a hot guy fix it!" I blushed and she kissed me goodnight.

Sunday morning I woke up and went to work. I worked at her place and Don's as well. Got payed about $45, and $5 in bottles. I stopped into Wesco to see Danielle before I went home. We went on a smoke break together and we talked about our next few hangouts. Next weekend we are going to hang out sometime. Following weekend, Danielle is coming to GR.

Last night, I was caught completly off gaurd though. I was working on my homework. My phone began to vibrate. When I looked at the name it was Molly. She told me something that kind of made my heart stop. This Friday, she is going to be in Grand Rapids.

So... now I am really pushing through this week. Midterms aren't going to stop me from getting through it.

Thoughts

2005-10-07T18:28:00.000-04:00

Thoughts
Talking to: Anime Dave

Well, I realy thought these were interesting. Enjoy.

--THOUGHTS FOR 2005--

Number 10 - Life is sexually transmitted.

Number 9 - Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one
can die.

Number 8 - Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him
without an erection, make him a sandwich!

Number 7 - Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach
a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.

Number 6 - Some people are like a Slinky.....not really good for
anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one
tumble down the stairs.

Number 5 - Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in
hospitals Dying of nothing.

Number 4 - All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays
no attention to criticism.

Number 3 - Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred
dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?

Number 2 - In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird.
Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2005:
We know exactly where one cow with mad-cow-disease is located among
the millions and millions of cows in America but we haven't got a
clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are
located. Maybe we should put the Department of Agriculture in charge
of immigration

The Date

2005-10-07T11:36:00.000-04:00

The Date
Listening to: The fan and construction work.

Well, I pulled an all nighter Wednesday night finishing a project and helping Mike finish his. We went to class, and after class, we came home. My second class was cancled for the day, and my third one was a work day. Being I am working this project in Photoshop, I woulda just ended up playing Gameboy all class without a laptop to work on. So I decided to skip that one too.

Mike left for Shelby, and I fell asleep for about 3 hours. I then got up, and cleaned the apartment. Dishes, etc. Kelli, Dave and Amanda came over and we were all hanging out waiting for Brad and Danielle to show up.

When they showed up, we talked for a little. We then all went to dinner at TGI Fridays. We all had a good time. Al of us except Kelli and Amanda sat around smoking, being loud, and having a good time. Kelli was always using Dave's face for an appetizer, and Amanda talked up a storm. Brad and I smirked and sat there as everyone else converced, sliding a word in when we could.

After dinner, we walked to the Ford Museum and caught the tail end of the fountain shooting off. They turned it off shortly after arriving. So then we walked to the "boob" hills. Played there for a little, then walked to the bridge. It was a bit nipply out.

On our way back towards my apartment, we decided to go to MorningStar 75. On the way there, Jared called us up to see if we could get near the freeway. I was like "why dude?" He responded with "I'm on my way back to base, I wanted to say goodbye." I kinda just froze there thinking... why so soon? So I talked him into coming to my location and saying bye.

I love that kid. He is like my brother. Sure we get in disagreements everynow and then, but who doesn't? I am gonna miss him.

Kelli and Dave split and the four of us left watched Luther. Excellent movie. The night I met Moly, Brian was telling me about that movie... took me two years to come to watching it. I better put that in my bag to return today... *runs off*

After the movie Brad and Amanda went down to her apartment, and Danielle and I crawled up onto the footon and talked and wha not till about 4 am, before we both finally passed out.

We woke up about 11... well she did, I was awake at 10:30. The nice thing about her is when I sleep, I will roll over with my back to her, and she will roll over and curl up to me. Usually, I end up being the predominant cuddler. But she said she actually likes to spoon up and hold me. Especially since "You smell really good... everywhere!?" So yeah. Her and I talked a lot and decided we didn't want to take a risky chance on ruining a relationship... a friendship, so we are taking things small steps at a time. But one thing we know is, I am a different type of guy then she has ever gotten close to, and she is a girl that has gone through exactly what I have been through. We are both bitter towards the same pain, so we know not to cause it... we know what it's like.

Who knows where everything will go. Even if we remain friends, we still know of the feelings we share. Kinda nice. I really like her. I feel as though someone actually understands me. She shows she cares. She doesn't act all put out b having to show her feelings. Infact, she could give a damn about what others think. She has a social life, and that's not realy what matters to her. I think it's that she is looking for a sense of security. But she is scared. Then again, I don't blame her. I just gave up everything I had and loved because the girl I love has a new life and didn't want to make me part of it. So I finally decided I will let her have her new life, and if I happen to be single when she realizes what exactly she started giving up that made me end it, then I might just take her back. BUT, I doubt that will ever happen.

I had an excellent time last night. Danielle made me forget about ALL my problems and we had a great time. And to let all you wondering minds know.. WE DIDN'T Have sex. I know you were all going to make some kind of comment if I didn't state this. Oiy.*runs off to class and work*

The Ghosy of 'You'

2005-10-06T15:21:00.000-04:00

The Ghost of 'You'
Listening to: So Long and Goodnight by My Chemical Romance

The Ghost of You
By My Chemical Romance

I never said I'd lie and wait forever
If I died we'd be together now
I can't always just forget her
But she could try

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever ever...

Ever...
Get the feeling that you're never
All alone and I remember now
At the top of my lungs in my arms she dies
She dies

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna catch me

If I fall…
If I fall…
(Down)

At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
Never coming home
And all the things that you never ever told me
And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me
Never coming home
Never coming home
Could I?
Should I?
And all the wounds that are ever gonna scar me
For all the ghosts that are never gonna...

The Full Weekend

2005-10-03T21:18:00.000-04:00

The Full Weekend
Listening to: Vivaldi Glorias

Ok, so I am going to recap on the weekend. But I would like to first give a congrats to my bro and Josh for kicking everyone elses asses in the lipsync dance. They beat the cheer dancer chicks and got best choreography. Great job guys! AMILIIOOOOOOOOO!

Happy birthday Ryan (yesterday). He turned 20. Now, he has joined the turned 20 club.

Ok, so Kareoke was great. I sucked it up on The Killers - Somebody Told Me, but I did pretty damn good on Here Without You by 3 Doors Down, and Kevin and I did especially good on Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand.

Well, after we left the bar, we went to Molly's house. Molly was one of the waitresses Kevin knew. There was a poker game going on so we chilled there for a while.

I came home, and went to bed. The next morning I got up and Kevin and I headed to Shelby. When I arrived at my mothers place, I fell asleep on the living room floor for a few hours. Then I woke up, and walked to my grandparents. The whole family but Mom, Joe and Kadence were there. So I had some KFC for dinner and spent time with them. My cousins about knocked me over tackling me for hugs. ^_^

I went back home and visited my mom for a while. She was in a grumpy mood but I don't blame her for her reasons. I then went to Wesco and spent some time with Danielle on her smoke break. We talked, flirted, tickled each other and laughed about stupid random crap for about 20 minutes. I told her I ws going to kidnap her for the night, but she replied with "You can't kidnap me if I decide to just show up and stay."

After she got out of work, her and I climbed the tower and talked for about 3 hours. There was a really nice wind blowing over our area, due to a big cloud coming over the lake. Afterwards, we walked back to my house, curled up in a blanket and watched a movie. She played with my hair and I fell asleep curled up to her. My mom came out of her room around 5:30 am to leave for work and I woke up, and gave her a hug. I then went back to bed.

This morning, I woke up and Dave, Brad and I did speed racer all the way to Muskegon for the Chinese Buffet. We had our full, and then went our ways. Dave and I came back to GR, and I got ready for work.

I am pushing through this week because Danielle is coming on Thursday to stay with me. We are going to go out and get dinner at TGIFridays, and then I am giving her a tour of GR. She is planning on moving to GR sometime for college. Transfering from MCC. Afterwards, we will come back to my place and watch some movies untill we fall asleep. I might check and see if Dave and Kelli wanna do a double date thing. Who knows? Maybe even a tripple date because Brad and Amanda wil be around as well.

*yawn* I got to go. I have homework to do before my class tomorrow. It is 2:15 and I am finally finishing this post. Got a little sidetracked with some emotional problems earlier and I needed to get out of the house. So I went to my favorite spots in GR.

Night yall.

Wow, what a hole!

2005-10-03T15:22:00.000-04:00

Wow, what a hole!
Listening to: DaveH playing Guitar.

Wow, what a weekend.

Well, let's see... Friday I hung out at morningstar with everyone. Dave's cousin Mandy sewed my pants up while they were on me. Right in the crotch I had this huge rip. So she fixed that. People kept giving me these weird looks as they walked in.

After we left morningstar we went to Jessies, and I found her Vodka. It mixes quiet well with Liz Bliz Sobe. The side effects were mild. Like Jessie being able to knock me accros the room with one swift blow. Oiy. I was out to. Not for to long either. I got up like 3 hours later to Kelli ripping the blankets off me. So I got up, came home and got ready for work. Work sucked. >,<

That night I went to a bar and did kareoke with my moms friend Kevin. That was awesome. I sucked at the Killers but was decent on the other songs.

The next day Kevin went to Shelby and I tagged along with him. I hung out in Shelby all day expecting to head back last night. But Dave said he would bring me back so I ended up staying. This rocked too. Danielle came over for the night. ^_^ her and I laid on the top of the tower in the wind and talked for about 3 hours, then we went back to my house and watchd Kung Fu Hustle. I fell asleep on her lap a few times... but she knows I am a sucker for my hair being played with. Well, early the next morning she left so I walked her out to her car and we said our goodbyes. BUT BUT BUT!!! The best thing is, she is coming down to Grand Rapids Thursday after I get out of class, and she is staying here with me. So we are going on our date that night. Then I am going to take her around GR, and prolly come back here for some movies. Mike will be gone back to Shelby by then because of homecoming, but I am sure Dave and Kelli will show up to keep us company. :-p

Well, I gotta go to work, so I might fill in more about the weekend later!

Kinda Ironic

2005-09-30T18:04:00.000-04:00

Kinda Ironic
Listening to:

Here Without You

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same

All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.

The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.

Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time

I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me...

I should have seen this as a message. This was our song. A now, I understand what he is talking about. I told Mike the story behind this, and he got chills. In a way, I still have them. None the less, I love this song.

I will admit... I still really miss her. What are you supposed to do about that? How do you let go of something that you claim to love forever?

I like this song, but it is sad.

One Last Thing Before Bed

2005-09-29T02:23:00.000-04:00

One Last Thing Before Bed
Listening to: The wind and the rain.

One last thing before bed...

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...	breath taking
Your hugs are...	to die for
Your eyes...	sparkle like the stars
Your touch is...	heart warming
Your smell is...	beautiful
Your smile is...	encouraging
Your love is...	everlasting

Quiz created with MemeGen!

I am so confused right now.

2005-09-29T02:11:00.000-04:00

I am so confused right now.
Listening to: Hikari by Kaoru Wada from the Kingdom Hearts OST

Click to Enlarge---^

This is a representational piece of art. I did it during my pointless history class today. I swear, I don't do a damn thing in that class. The teacher refuses to let me raise my hand anymore. Dr. Buttfuck. That's the nick name I gave him.

Ugh, I don't know what is going on inside my head. I am fighting with a lot of feelings all at once and I don't think I am winning right now.

Anyways... god I am having such a bad day. Thank god it rained so I didn't have to. Good night.

Heart In A Blender

2005-09-26T00:36:00.000-04:00

Heart In A Blender
Listening to: Walk Away by Dropkick Murphys

The last few days, it finally hit me what it is like to be lonely. Not having someone to hold you. Not being able to be held, or even look into someones eyes, and not have to say a word. Not like I really had it this last 2 years. Rarely I got it, but atleast I had someone there every night who looked foreward to talking to me. At least I had the knowledge of it.

It hit me hard... so hard it hurt. I started wondering why one morning Molly woke up and decided she didn't feel the same for me anymore. Why she, the person who was willing to walk 1000 miles for me, and do anything to keep me, woke up, and decided she just didn't want to put the effort towards it. Why did she stop caring?

I am confused as well. Of course, I have feelings for some girls. But I don't want to act on those. I mean... it's just so confusing right now. One is a small distance away. She is a girl I liked before Molly. Long distance things... just not in the books I guess. The others, well, I don't want to loose our friendships trying anything I am not totally sure about. I mean, what if they don't like me like that? It could effect the whole friendship aspects.

I am not over Molly yet either. I don't know how long it will take me, but I remember that moving on helped me get over Charity. So this is a path I might have to walk. Molly doesn't seem to care anymore, or even want to hold the last thread of what we had. So if I walk away, the thread will break, and it will be done. My back will be to her, and I will be walking away. It has never been in my nature to just walk away from my feelings. Especially ones this strong.

I don't know what is going on. My feelings are starting to become one giant unorganized mess. I am so confused. I know I care a lot about my friends. Am I starting to mix intimacy and care up with each other? Am I blending the two together? On top of everything else, I miss home. I miss my brother, and Jared. I miss the way things were a few years ago. I miss the good times we could all sit around and our biggest problem was how we were gonna pass our test tomorrow.

I feel like I blinked and missed a giant chunk of my life. My two closest friends are Kelli and Mike. I can always count on those two. Which is really weird for me. Mike and I were bestest of friends while we were younger, and grew apart. I didn't think we would ever be living together. Kelli, she was a friend of Molly's. One I met only a year ago, and I never really anticipated on her and I becoming so close. I feel like when I talk to her, everything seems to go away for a while. We can understand each other, and what the other is feeling. Both of our childhoods were lonely when it came to our parants. We both can't stand cheating in relationships. We both like the same movies, and she has an excellent taste in music. So yeah, I would say Mike and Kelli are my best friends. 2 people who I can always count on. Even if I don't go to them right away, I know I always can.

I think I am affraid of loosing the one closest to me again. So what do I do? How do I precent it when I don't even know what happened this last time? I am just a giant psychological mess right now. Ugh. I want to sleep but i just end up thinking while I sleep, and sleep gives images to go with it.

*yawn* Although, maybe I will sink into the bedroom and play my piano for awhile. I have a tune in my head that I want to learn to play. Maybe I will right words to it as well.

Not So Junky Mail

2005-09-23T17:40:00.000-04:00

Not So Junky Mail
Listening to: Anime Dave snore on my futon.

Every now and again... actually, who the hell am I kidding, all the damn time, we get junk email. Stupid forewards, snowball games, you have been hit by the sex truck who's driver is a complete shit stain, etc etc. Today I actually took the time to read one from my mother. Amazingly... it was worth my while.

No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand and touches your heart.

The worst way to miss someone is to be sitting right beside them knowing you can't have them.

Never frown, even when you are sad, because you never know who is falling in love with your smile.

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one, so that when we finally meet the person, we will know how to be grateful.

When you were born, everyone around you was smiling and you were crying. Live your life so that when you die, you're smiling and everyone around you is crying .

Don't cry because it is over, smile because it happened.

But this one actually hit me hard...

Don't waste your time on a man/woman, who isn't willing to waste their time on you.

Could they be right though? Am I really just wasting my time? I don't want to believe I am.

Well, on a happier note, Kelli might be coming over again tonight. ^_^ I like it when she comes over. She plays with my hair and lets me lay on her hip... most of the time.

There is also a game tourny tonight as well. Either here or Jessies. My first DDR dance off in god knows how long. So this is gonna be fun.

Tomorrow I have a meeting for work, then I have to work 4 hours. I am gonna clock in really early so as to be done by 3-4. Zach is gonna pick me up here in GR and we are going back to Shelby. Jared and Joey said I had to. Danielle is even gonna come over after work to see me they said. *big ear to ear smile*

I also get to see my mom. I miss her a lot. So yeah, that's my next few days in a nut shell. Just thought I would update before jumping into some plans.

CREE-------PY

2005-09-21T11:13:00.000-04:00

CREE-----PY
Listening to: Airship Theme by Nobou Uematsu for FFXI

Yesterday my mother called me and said "A Federal Investigator from the Government was here. He said he needed to talk to you."

The first thing that came to my mind was "Oh...my...god.. they finally have caught me for my music, movies and program cracking! Oh shit, I registered my copy of windows... I bet that's how it happened. Damn it... not now, I am in college."

She then goes on to say "They need to ask you a few things about Teddy."

Apparently Teddy is going to be promoted into the Secret Service. He is in the Army now. But before they can rank him up, he needs to pass background check after background check.

So this morning I got out of bed, opened my door, and there is an FBI agent flashing his badge at me. I was like "OH MAN THIS IS SO COOL!"

The guy walked right by my computer not realizing he just walked by 3 gigs of music and is running off an illegal version of Windows. He walked by my CD wallet, which has about 40 copied DVDs in it. He then sat on the couch.

He asked me questions. Lots of them. Now Curt should be expecting a guest. I referenced Curt. I hope he cleans up his house a little. Heh heh.

Other than that exciting piece of info, my life seems pretty bland as of right now. I started working at the Library the other night. I have class from 12:30-3:30 today and then I work from 4:00-9:00pm. I then come home to build some dumb stick projects or bridges or something. I also have to work on a project which is due for 2D tomorrow. Aiy...

I try not to think about my loneliness. I try not to remember much of the past 2 years. Everything I think about always leads back to Molly. When it does, it makes me question why she was that way back then. Why did I fall in love with her? Why did she hold onto me until this last month? Why did college change her. Real love doesn't just go away unless you make it go away. After the letter I got from her, it took me about 15 minutes to stop crying. I was even more confused. She realizes that she did this all. She realizes it was college. But what she doesn't understand is why she let it happen, or why she doesn't care sometimes.

I know when I finally decide to date someone else, they won't like the fact of Molly and I hanging out as friends. I wouldn't either. God, it would drive me insane... it almost did with her. So that means Molly and I may never see each other again outside of "Here is your stuff back."

We're gonna be walking the streets one day and we will pass each other by, not completly knowing of the other. That's the future life has infront of us now. All because of what? College and tech guys...? My failure as a bf?

God, I have had some weird dreams the last few nights. Each time I have woken up stressed, heartbroken, or disoriented, confused, lost. My body has also been sweating reallybad while I sleep. It is really bugging me. I sleep without the covers hoping that helps but I always awake in a sweat.

*yawns* I got to go to class in a few. Oiy. I wish I could go back in time.

Once Upon a Time

2005-09-19T03:09:00.000-04:00

Once upon a time...
Listening to: Internal Screams of disalution.

Once upon a time, a troubled girl met a troubled boy. She was visiting her family, who happened to live in this boy's village. The boy, unknowing of this girl who came every year to see their village, decided one day to travel with his friend to see his family. His friend brought him to where the family would meet every year. This boy was introduced. As the names went around, he laid eyes on this girl. This girl held his attention and he was captivated by her demeanor. The boy, noticing she hadn't even given him a second look, brushed off this infatuation with her.

The boy and his friend decided to part from the family gathering, and the girl wanted to come along. When the three of them left, the boy and the girl began to talk. They were both troubled, and had seen the roughest roads life had to offer at that age. Struggling with demons of their own, they became quite close. They took care of each other, and eventually, everything was perfect. They had fallen in love, and the boy gave everything he had for her. She gave back to him. For the boy and the girl couldn't be with each other daily, due to her living in another village, the distance never once dented his love for her. But one day, some demons came back to haunt them.

The girl struggled with her demons, and failed. She failed the boy she loved. Not just once, but countless times. The boy knew of this. He knew when something was wrong. In his heart he formed a perfect bond of love and compassion. These demons came back to haunt him in his sleep. Not his demons, but hers. She succesfully vanquished all of his demons prior to the down fall. She then replaced his orignal demons, with hers, creating a new set to haunt him. Even though she had failed him, he loved her even more. He never left her, but stuck right by her through all her problems and troubles. For they weren't just her problems, because he loved her so deeply, they were his own too. He gave his strength and peace to carry the burden of her demons on his shoulders. Nothing was going to come in the way of his love for her, and when she realized this, she looked at him, smiled with love, and clung on to him. He held her tight. He never wanted to let go.

2 years had gone by. Then came the day. They day when the boy and girl had to move to different villages, which were further away than before. They had quests they were to complete. The boy, head held high, still carrying these burdens, was confident in his return. He wasn't out to finish his quest for his family and village. He was going to finish the quest to be with her. Forever. His love was stronger then any thing he had ever felt. It only became stronger when she showed him love back. He thrived on her. His love thrived on her love. This is what kept the demons at bay. He still struggled with their demons, knowing he was the stronger of the two. But it was a burden he was willing to take. Just so after their quests were finished, they could be together. He made a vow.

"I will carry these demons for us. I will fight them to hell if I have to. But that is where they will stay. I will not fail you."

The boy wanted to make the girl his wife. He knew where and when he would make the proposal, and when they were finally together, the demons would be defeated completly, for the combination of their love was the only power to do so.

As they left for their quests, the girl forgot about the boy. From so far away, the boy loved her. But, he could feel the demons getting stronger, as her love and memory of him weekend. One day, the demons broke free. They tortured the boy, to the point where his love, the last shining ray, made him realize what had happened.

The girl, hundreds of miles away from the boy, forgot about him. Her love faded and this gave the demons the power to rip apart the boys heart. When the news of his bloody battle reached her, she acted as if it didn't bother her. The demons thrived off of this.

For every ounce of love, there is an equal, sometimes greater amount of hate, barried beneath it. When all that love disappears, the hate stays there. This hate the demons took hold of, and convinced him to abandon all hope with the girl. He was sin... brainwashed by these demons he fought so long. The demons he kept for the girl he loved.

So he did what they convinced him. He left the girl. She forgot about him. Numerous times, as if the past 2 years was nothing. As if he was nothing. These demons had totally possesed what good heart he once had. When all the damage was done, his eyes opened. He saw the damage he had let loose. He saw what failure he had envoked onto them. Not being able to handle the truth, he revoked himself. He decided he had nothing to live for. So he turned and looked the demons in the eyes.

"I vowed to fight you to hell. That is where I will keep you if I must. Even if it means keeping myself there, as your ever binding chains, I will not let you go back to her. Whatever demons you may have on her now, you are still [our] demons. Even if [we] are no longer."

The boy lunged at the demons, grasped them by the throat, and fell into a deep, dark, lonely pit. He fell and fell, for what seemed like weeks before he hit bottom.

When he awoke, he found himself in a world like his own, but this world was lonely and dark. The demons were everywhere around him, connected to invisable chains. These chains were attatched to his mind. Dancing and laughing. He was in hell. His hell. The hell his mind had created. A world without her.

He wanders the world today, looking for the answers to what had happened. Why the girl he loved more than life itself, started to forget about him, day after day. He wonders why she acts as if she hasn't lost anything. But most of all, he wonders why she didn't love him after they left for their quests. What happened? Did she really love him like he came to believe? Or did she just use him untill she no longer needed him there?

No one but the girl knows the answer... and the girl seems to have cut off her connection with her previous life. No one can say how long this boy will be in his hell. No one can say whether or not him and the girl will ever see each other again. Some say they hear the boy at night crying for his love to come back to him. He lays there, night after night, crying as the demons torture him. For his strength is gone. It left him when she had left him. When her love disappeared, so did his protection.

Happy Birthday Kelli!

2005-09-17T12:33:00.000-04:00

Happy Birthday Kelli!
Listening to: Reach For the Sky by Firehouse

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI!!!

Today Kelli turns 18. You know what that means? She is legal! Bwhahahahaha. Now she can buy smokes, porn, and even go clubbing. She is finally an adult.

Last night she came over to hang out with me. We watched Constantine, and then we watched Butterfly Effect. We also went out and got dinner. After dinner we walked over to the park and looked at the fountain. It wasn't spraying upward, so we walked around the edge of it, and by the time we got back to the beginning it had started. Kind of weird how that worked out. To me, it looks like the biddet from Hell.

On our way back, I showed her my campus. We also stopped and pet a horse. One of the ones that carry you around the city. $40 to ride for 30 minutes!? Jesus... that's a horse of a different price. I will stick with Patroleum.

But anyways, Kelli went home at like... 3:30 last night. When she left I surfed the net for a few, then passed out on the couch. Just woke up a few minutes ago.

Well, gonna get some stuff done. HAPPY BIRTHDAY KELLI! HAVE FUN AT YOUR DAD'S!

The Suprise Party

2005-09-16T15:33:00.000-04:00

The Suprise Party
Listening to: THE DINNER BELL WENT OFF!!!

So I guess life has been getting some what better. I mean, you can hide in the shadow all you want, but eventually the sun will move the shadow and it will reveal you. I really miss Molly, but this whole "work on our friendship" front isn't really covering her story. I mean, honostly, I email her, no email back at all. She doesn't call when she says she will. Actually she doesn't call at all. So maybe I am just not important enough to be her friend. Grrr... but I miss her.

Right now, I only have $50 to my name. But good news is, I had an interview at the Public Library, and it went extremely well. In about 30 minutes, I am going to go get my physical and take a drug test. No worries.

Yesterday, Mike and I rushed home from school, cleaned the entire apartment, and decorated it with balloons. Kelli was coming over and we wanted to through her a "suprise" party. Saturday is her birthday, but Mike had to go back to Shelby this morning. When she walked in, the lights were off, and we turned them on and yelled SUPRISE! She turned around and stormed down the hall. Mike and I chased her down. I grabbed her legs, Mike grabbed her hands, and we carried her back to the apartment. She kicked me in the stomach the whole way back to. She was even dropping cookies on the ground... Oh well, I ate them anyways.

When we finally got back into the apartment, Mike and I showed her the penguin pictures we did for her in photoshop. ^_^ I hope she liked them.

Well, Amanda, Kelli and I all walked down to MorningStar75 and hung out. Just for a little bit though. They only wanted to get something to drink. On our way back, I found this really cool grass hill. So I started rolling down it. Fun stuff too! It was the kind you see people roll down on tv. Mike showed up, and he seemed bothered by something. So in all our efforts, we all rolled down the hill together.

While I was laying at the bottom, Mike came up to kick me in the side, but I rolled over and he kicked me right in the croch. >,< I will get him back one day.

We went back to my apartment. Kelli brought Phantom of the Opera for me. I have never seen it. It was one of the movies I wanted to see with Molly, but never got to. While we were watching it, Kelli let me lay on her lap and she played with my hair. ^_^ She likes to play with hair, and I like my hair played with, so we both win. I told her, her hips were mine now. She has some comfy hips. Half way through the movie, I gave her a back massage. She laughs, because it tickles, but she likes it at the same time. -_-' I then relocated my head on her hip as she played with my hair more. She also likes to tickle "my spots". The spots behind my ears, on my lower back, and hips. Oiy.

After that movie, we put in Invader Zim. I gave her another back massage as I fell asleep. I was laying on the couch and she was sitting on the floor infront of me. So I played with her hair and next thing I know, she is waking me up telling me she is going to go home. So I said that I would see her tomorrow, and she left.

She forgot her balloons and pictures though. She better take them home tonight. I wanna go get junk food tonight. Maybe her and I will go out and get malts and walk to the park. Hmmm... Malts...

The Unwanted

2005-09-13T01:44:00.000-04:00

The Unwanted - by [eM]
Listening to: The Moonlight Sonata (Sonata Op.27 #2) by Beethoven

The Unwanted

I remember just yesterday
when you said that you loved me.
We talked of all the good times we had,
and nothing bad from memory.

You kissed me like you meant it,
and loved me just the same.
But a new day has come and gone,
and now I'm lying here in pain.

How does someone go,
from loving you more than life,
To not wanting to be with you,
8 hours over night?

How does someone say their sorry,
when yesterday was so brand new?
How does someone suddenly change,
and they don't wanna be with you?

What did I do wrong,
why did it end up this way!?
When will your heart come back around,
for good, and to stay?

I don't know why you suddenly changed
when you met all those guys.
I don't know why you play these games,
and every night make me cry.

I tried to give you all I could,
what those other guys couldn't do.
I tried to make everything perfect,
my heart was all for you.

What could these guys give you,
that I couldn't achieve?
Can you risk finding better,
when you can't even make time for me?

So what is a guy to do,
when he seems to have nothing else?
His love doesn't want him anymore,
does he even want himself?

He will put up a wall of insecurity
and no one is to blame.
Except this sniveling mess of loneliness
that locks away his pain.

-[eM]
One final poem for her.

GAH #*&%#^%@#

2005-09-05T21:26:00.000-04:00

GAH #*&%#^%@#
Listening to:

Grrr I am having such a bad day. I had this entry typed out and explorer decided to say "umm, I got to go..." and closed.

Today I got stung by a small swarm of bees, wasps, whatever they were. That sucked, majorly. I think had to work with draining, and that is literally, the shittiest job. I left my phone charger in Shelby, lost my phone headset at camp, and lost my favorite metal lighter with the cross on it. *sigh* And I hurt. I feel so empty. My life seems like I lost everything now. What's the point?

Today while driving to work with Don, he was listening to a CD he burnt. The song "Last Kiss" came on and I was doing fine untill it got to the part:

Something warm rollin' through my eyes
But somehow I found my baby that night
I lifted her head, she looked at me and said
"Hold me darling just a little while."
I held her close, I kissed her our last kiss
I found the love that I knew I would miss
But now she's gone, even though I hold her tight
I lost my love, my life that night.

I just started bawling. I couldn't hold it back either. Don looked at me wide-eyed and asked me what was wrong. I filled him in. He didn't know what to say except for "sorry bud".

I miss her. I wish things didn't change so bad. I wish she still wanted me. I wish she still cared. Anyways, I am posting these pics that are past due. They are crappy quality but hey, they work for now.

Labor Day Weekend

2005-09-04T23:25:00.000-04:00

Labor Day Weekend
Listening to: My mind collapsing, my heart screaming. My soul vanishing.

When I woke up this morning, the first thing that entered my mind was a day that has stayed in my mind fresh, and clear as a blue sky.

2 years ago, I woke up and went to church. After church, I was invited to the Hendersons to have lunch, but something told me to just go home. So I went home, and Brian came over. He invited me to Curt's horseshoe tournament. I went along. Afterwards, he talked me into going to his family camp. I wasn't going to go, but I finally said screw it and did.

When I arrived, he introduced me to his family members that I hadn't met. Then I met her. The woman who changed my life forever. This girl, she had some issues she was working on... because of friendship issues, guy issues, and self security. Buther and I connect that night. We fit together like a puzzle. PErfectly.

That night, we went back to Brian's house and watched "Young Frankenstine". During that movie, I threw a pillow over her cousins face, and kissed her. Our intemacy didn't end there though. We slept in the same bed and I held her all night long. Kissing, petting, holding. I ran my fingers through her hair, and finally, after two years of searching, I found someone I could be with. I found the woman who would change my life forever. Every adventure, every arguement, every embrace, was always a new, exciting rush. Even when she cheated on me with her ex-boyfriend, we were still together. I never gave up. I always hoped she was turning for the better.

She always cared... always showed it. Well, mostly. But when she didn't, it was a defense she would put up automatically. In the end, she ALWAYS came back around and realized her mistakes.

I am not saying I was always in the right, but when I would be out of line upset, it was because I was erecting a defense of my own. I didn't want to hurt again like Charity hurt me... not again.

She taught me so much. She helped me realize so much. She opened my eyes to so many different subjects.

My friends, have you ever felt the blade of un-wantedness... have you ever tasted the bitter, evil taste of being not important by the ones who are supposed to hold you otherwise? Parants who should protect you no matter what, and hold you dear to their hearts, and do everything in their power to keep you safe? What about fiances, boyfriends, girlfriends, husbands, wives...?

For people who claim love and don't show it. Damn you all. For people who are selfish, and irresponsable when it comes to doing what you are supposed to do... damn you. You people are the reason we have this kind of pain. But most of all, damn you ignorant bastards who refuse to face reality because you don't want to see yourself in the wrong, or in danger. Damn my soul to hell. Damn me.

But that is not all... you people who claim your unconditional love to someone, and continue to tell them how important they are, but put random, new people, especially of the opposite sex, before that loved one, fuck you. You people deserve to suffer everything I stated above. You people deserve to be alone, and unwanted, and you deserve to have your heart captivated, and then thrown away like your just baggage. Fuck you all. I hate you. I hate all of you. Even if you happen to be someone who captivated my heart. I hate you for doing this to me. I hate you for convincing me one thing, and showing and doing exactly opposite. Maybe I am being selfish.. maybe I am being greedy... but not like you were. You ditched your responsabilities... you ditched me... time and time again.

Now I hope you suffer this. I am sorry things turned out this way, and I am sorry if I did something... or didn't do something. I am sorry I couldn't live up to the other guys. I am sorry I failed as a boyfriend, but when you started doing this to me, I did what was best for me. And that was to rid myself of the constant pain. Every time you come to Shelby, I hope your heart throbs from that hole that isn't filled. I hope everytime you see something that had some sort of connection to me, that you remember what you had, and didn't work to keep. Being in a relationship is about making certain sacrafices... and you couldn't give up one fricken night of hanging out with those Michigan Tech fuck stains, even after being with them all day, to be with me, on our 2 year. You showed me how important I was to you. You showed me your true, evil, self centered, monster self. Now I let out my anger and my pain. You know what is sad? Is your best friend has been there for me more then you have.

I love you. I always have. But I will not let you hurt me over and over. I will find someone better then you... if there is such a thing. A guy can hope. If not, than I don't want to be with anyone. I wanted to be with you... forever. I wanted to make things work. You didn't. You showed that. You didn't even try to keep me. You didn't fight for me. Going out with them was more important then giving up the night to be there for me. You are horrible. I want this to burn into your mind. I want you to think of me constantly and realize what we had. All the times we had... the tears we shared, the memories forever burned in our heads. Our private moments. The things you said you could never feel with anyone else. I hope everything we ever shared, flashes constantly through your mind. Then, in the end... I hope you come crawling back to me. That just might show me how important I am. But in the end, for what? For you to do it again? God, why did my life have to turn out like this.

One thing I know though... I don't wish I could change it. I keep all this sacred in my heart. The best 2 years of my life... coming to an end, on this night. I would not go back and stop any of it, because I honostly mean this. Thank you for everything. Thank you for making me happy... even that long.

God... this seems like a letter to Molly... but it is not. It is what is running through my mind right now. I am going to go and drink my night away. I am starting to feel numb already. I will fall asleep and dream of nothing. I will not have nightmares. I will sleep a peaceful sleep. God I hurt. I feel so empty. So alone. Why does this stuff always seem to happen to me?

I was sitting with her family tonight. I felt comfortable. Completley comfortable. Welcomed. They... hey family... liked me. They let me come to their family camp, even without her. Now I am loosing that. I just hope she will find someone better then me. I am worthless. I am hopeless. I don't deserve this. I don't deserve her. Maybe I deserve to suffer. God I am so confused right now. I am freaking out. I don't know what to do. I left her. I left her on our 2 year because she didn't hold true. FUCK YOU GUYS FOR STEALING HER AWAY FROM ME. FUCK YOU ALL FOR STEALING HER HEART SO EASILY FROM ME. Jon...Molly's ex... I am sorry for putting you through this 2 years ago. I didn't mean to cause you this pain. Maybe that's all she knows how to do.

Good night everyone... good bye Molly. I hope you enjoy college, and I hope one thing. You keep sex sacred to your heart and not to their dicks.

Love, Lust, Marriage

2005-09-03T14:48:00.000-04:00

Love, Lust, Marriage
Listening to: MMX4: The Father of All by Darkesword

I have a follow up post on this later. But for now,this kinda makes you think.

LOVE......................when your eyes meet across a
crowded room.
LUST.......................when your tongues meet
across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE............when your belt won't meet around
your waist, and you don't care.

LOVE......................when intercourse is called
making love.
LUST.......................all other times.
MARRIAGE............what's intercourse?

LOVE......................when you argue over how many
children to have.
LUST.......................when you argue over who
gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE............when you argue over money.

LOVE......................when you share everything
you own.
LUST.......................when you think twice about
giving your partner bus money.
MARRIAGE............when the bank owns everything.

LOVE......................when it doesn't matter if
you don't climax.
LUST.......................when the relationship is
over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE............what's a climax?

LOVE......................when you phone each other
just to say "G'day".
LUST.......................when you phone each other
just to organize sex.
MARRIAGE............when you phone each other to find
out what time your son's game starts.

LOVE......................when you write poems about
your partner.
LUST.......................when all you write is your
phone number.
MARRIAGE............when all you write is checks.

LOVE......................when you show concern for
your partner's feelings.
LUST.......................when you couldn't give a
shit.
MARRIAGE............when your only concern is what's
on TV.

LOVE......................when your farewell is "I
love you darling ..."
LUST.......................when your farewell is "So,
same time next week?"
MARRIAGE............when your farewell is silent.

LOVE......................when you are proud to be
seen in public with your partner.
LUST.......................when you only ever see each
other in the bedroom.
MARRIAGE............when you never see each other
awake.

LOVE......................when your heart flutters
every time you see them.
LUST.......................when your groin twitches
every time you see them.
MARRIAGE............when your wallet empties every
time you see them.

LOVE......................when nobody else matters.
LUST.......................when nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE............when everybody else matters and
you don't care who knows.

LOVE......................when all the songs on the
radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST.......................when it's just the same
mushy old shit.
MARRIAGE............when you never listen to music.

LOVE......................when breaking up is
something you try not to think about.
LUST.......................when staying together is
something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE............when just getting through today is
your only thought.

LOVE......................when you're interested in
everything your partner does.
LUST.......................when you're only interested
in one thing.
MARRIAGE............when you're not interested in what
your partner does and the one thing you're interested
in is your golf score.

One Week Down

2005-09-02T17:27:00.000-04:00

One Week Down.
Listening to: Everclear

Well I had my first full week of college. I haven't even drawn a picture yet... -_-

I really like Art History, Writing, and Drawing I so far. 2-D and 3-D are going to be pains.. I can tell already. I like 2-D more than 3-D. 3-D, it's just... annoying. Geometry without the formulas.

Today I had writing class. It was fun. I can't wait to start writing. I also went down to the art supply store in the college and bought all my supplies (well, most...) I also bought my text books for english. I decided to wait on the history one because it is like $90 or somewhere up there. I will just get it for $15 on half.com

Tomorrow night I may be heading back to Shelby. For about a day or two.

I wish I wasn't so far away from Molly. This distance thing is taking a toll on us, and I feel lke I am the only one hanging on this tight. I wish I could feel Molly holding on as tight. It sucks she is oblivious to mens ambitions, and her own actions. I also wish she would show more love to me on the phone... she isn't any other way. Grrr, stupid college.

My fist is starting to heal up. Thank god. Showers and hair gel hurt.

Ugh, I am really hungry, but I had a huge breakfast today. I actually made myself breakfast. Bacon, eggs, toast and milk. mmmm. I was so full though.

Last night Kelli and I talked a lot. Her and I have had the same rough style of life with our parents. It's no wonder her and I hate cheaters so much. She says she just doesn't understand me sometimes though... as far as my actions on things going on in my life.

After hanging out at Morningstar and Skeletons, we came back here and we all just laid here and watched Evangelion. First disk. Kelli liked it because there was a penguin in it. We might watch the second disk some other time. I wonder what she is doing tonight. I don't wanna be alone. When I am alone I think, and honostly... it hurts. Maybe I will call her in a while. I am going to go clean the house though, take pics, and send them to the family and girlfriend. Ciao~

^_^

2005-09-01T01:57:00.000-04:00

^_^
Listening to: Rough Draft by Yellowcard

I am happy right now. ^_^

My girlfriend and I talked for a long time tonight. Although I never wanted to get off the phone with her, because hearing her voice comforted me, we talked for a good while. I am feeling happy again! My baby is coming back to me. She expressed her love to me again, and had love and compassion in her voice tonight! *goes to bed with a smile*

Nightmares and first days.

2005-08-30T18:44:00.000-04:00

Nightmares and first days
Listening to: Empty Apartment by Yellowcard

Last night I had a really bad nightmare. I mean, I thought it was real. So real infact I ended up swinging punchs in my sleep. I woke up from a pain in my fist right after I swung, and when I looked, I had blood running down my knuckles. I was so upset and exhausted, I just wrapped my other hand around it, and went back to sleep.

In the dream, I walked into Molly's dorm, and Erin, her roomate said she was at "his" dorm. She just said "his". I knew who "he" was. So when I walked through "his" door, she was sleeping on his futon with him. My entrance caused them to stir, and she jumped off him and just stared wide eyed. The guy and I got in a fight and he told me to leave. I told him to fuck off. When he came at me to tell me to leave, I just swung at him. That's when I woke up. The bloody pain that shot through my fist. Oh god... the dream, it was so real. I was crying but not cause of the pain. I hope I am just dreaming.

Well, today was my first day of College. I got homework for 3D Design. '>.> 2D Design was fun too. But my Drawing I class, my teachers name is Patti Constantine. I cracked a joke, and she went with it. WHOA! lol. I need to go get a bunch of supplies. OIY. I also bought my first text book today. Outside, I chilled with a bunch of other students. Made a lot of friends. Anways, Kelli just showed up, so I am going to go hang out with her. I will update on my first day of class (writing) tomorrow.

18 months. Last day of my 1 1/2 year vacation as well.

2005-08-29T18:04:00.000-04:00

18 months. Last day of my 1 1/2 year vacation as well.
Listening to: Invader Zim on TV

This last week has been torture for me. Molly moved to Michigan Tech, and she forgot about me. She wouldn't call, and when she would, it was only to talk for a few. She would be with these guys she met all day and night long, going to parties, or sleeping/napping at their places during her free time. She wouldn't call me at all. When I would really want to talk, she would throw me off like I was just a guy... not her guy. So when I couldn't take it anymore, I tried calling her and calling her, and she wasn't calling me back, I broke up with her over voicemail. I admit, it was drastic to do, but worse has been done on her part, and this was just as bad. We talked things over for 20 minutes the next night though and we decided we would work things out... well, I decided.

The "abuse" continued for a few days, and I talked with her best friend about it and even my mother. Aiy... they gave me some good advice, but it's not always what a person would like to hear. Me, I am the type of guy who wants things that are good to stay the same, or get better. Not just suddenly get worse. I didn't like the fact that as soon as these "guy friends" came into the picture, she became exactly opposite of what I have grown to love this last 2 years. For no reason at all, it was like these guys were more important to her then spending some time with me on the phone. Why suddenly did I become this shadow in her life. Why after everything I have done for her, did I become this un-important, un-loved, person? I was being torn up by it. It ate away at my mind, 24 hours a day.

Yesterday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to sleep my life away, with hopes of waking up to the girl I loved. With everything being perfect. Mike and Lisa came in and both woke me up. (-_-)' So I kept to myself all day. I think I REALLY worried Mike. Lisa thougth I was mad at her. But I didn't want to talk to people. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

Molly then called me.

She called to apologize for not being there for me. She called to say sorry, and went on to say how she wasn't being a good girlfriend, and how she should be scheduling her plans around our phone time... not trying to fit me into her schedule. I have never felt that kind of pain and stress wash away. I could feel all the horrible feelings wash right out of my body.

We only got to talk for about 30 minutes last night. Kinda bummed. I wonder when I will get my girlfriend back. I wonder if when she is with these guys, she forgets about me. Maybe I am being replaced. All because she thinks she can handle commitment... but she knows, she admitted, she has a commitment problem. So why jump into something you know you can't handle, and deny you can't? It just doens't make any sense to me. She is so blind sometimes.

Anyways, even after all that, today is our 1 year, 6 months since we went steady. A week from today is 2 years since we have met. So in a way, this is quite an event. I love her to death, and we'll just see if she makes time for me on our day. I hope she does. I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HER. ESPECIALLY TO SOME SOCCER PUNK, COLLEGE SENIOR, OR ASSHOLE PLAYER. By loose her, I mean let small things happen (cheating). I hope she doesn't contract ostrich syndrome.

Happy 1 and a 1/2 years Molly. I love you!

In other news... I start college tomorrow. Tomorrow at 8:30 am to be exact -_-* Kelli is coming over tonight. We are gonna hang out and go to coffee shops and crap. She is so fun to hang out with. Here is my schedule for school this semester.

Monday
No Classes

Tuesday
8:30-11:20 (3-D) Design
12:30-3:20 Drawing 1
3:30-6:20 (2-D)Design

Wednesday
12:30-3:20 Western Art I

Thursday
8:30-11:20 (3-D) Design
11:30-12:20 Kendall Experience (Optional)
12:30-3:20 Drawing 1
3:30-6:20 (2-D) Design

Friday
12:30-3:20 Writing Studio

Wish me luck, and if you're into praying, please keep me in your prayers. I need help. Lot's of it. So stressed, and lonely. With no one close to me.

One Last Time For The Bros.

2005-08-20T16:30:00.000-04:00

One last time for the bros.
Listening to: -----

I had one of the best times last night, since I have been here in Grand Rapids.

Jared and Joey came down to drop me back off. But they ended up staying because Jared's car's front right wheel is about to fall off. So with that problem keeping them here over night, Kelley about left Joey (sooo close... damn) and Joey, Jared and I went out to eat at a bar and we played pool. We then went back to my apartment, got a deck of cards and went to MorningStar75 Coffee. There were live bands playing there, and we sat through some songs before getting coffee, and playing cards.

We ended up getting 2 girls sitting at the next table over from us, Angie and ...uhhh... well Angie was easy to remember cause that's my aunts name, but anyways. They ended up playing cards with us for a while. When they left we went outside and sat, and talked with a bunch of kids hanging out there. I talked with a girl named Hannah, and she is starting at GRCC (next to my house) here soon. So with her being a regular around here, we made a friendship and slight possibilty of hanging out at the coffee shop again. When she went home, Jared, Joey and I walked down division to the gas station. We met up with some kids in the parking lot there, and together, the 10 of us walked around all night talking. We found a road where construction was being done off of division, and we sat there and talked all night. They had a lot of questions for Jared about the military, and we talked politics, psychology, music, religion and just hung out for a couple of hours there. Max and I traded phone numbers, that way we could all hang out again soon.

Exhausted from all the excitement, Joey, Jared and I walked back to the Apt. When we got back, we fell asleep watching Invader Zim. We slept for about 12 hours each. *yawn* My body didn't want to wake up today either. But I had some stuff I had to get done.

After Jared and Joey left, I hopped on the bike and stroled to Kendall to drop off those forms. Guess what...? THEY ARE CLOSED TODAY AND TOMORROW.... GRRRR. Soo I make it before 5 pm and then they decide to be closed. Oh well, Monday for sure.

I left my wallet at home. So now I have to hope there is change in my bag so I can buy a Yoohoo before heading back. I might even pick up a job app for the library. Hmmm, that would be a nice job ^_^. Right near school too!

I met her.

2005-08-19T01:31:00.000-04:00

I met her.
Listening to:

I am back in Shelby right now. I have finally met my niece. She is so tiny. I held her and everything. ^_^ Now I can say I met her.

Everyone was shocked to see me back in Shelby. No one knew I was coming back. I saw BeeDub when I was filling up the van. Sorta. He drove by.

But just doing an update before I go back. Things are going pretty easy. I still need to get this loan but I am going to wait for my mom to get home so she can help me.

WhaHooo!

2005-08-16T17:30:00.000-04:00

WhaHooo!
Listening to: ClickClickClick

I think I failed to mention I actually won a scholarship!!! *^_^*

So my mother calls me up the other day in Grand Rapids telling me I got an important document from Kendall. She read it to me and it stated after close examination of my art portfolio, they placed me in a contest and I won $8,000 because "you should be proud of your talent and skills" or something like that!

Yeah that really helped lift the pain of finances of my shoulders a little.

I am still at Molly's. I am kinda bummed. This has been a really fast week for me. I am going home tomorrow morning. Then, 2 days later, Molly moves up north, 10 hours away, instead of only 2. *big sigh* Ok, I am proud of her, but damn, why MiTech?!? It's one thing to need tree's to study biology and the enviroment first hand, but when you tree's up the ass it is ridiculous. There is less to do up there than there is in Shelby.

Mike and I start college next week. I am excited. I have finally made it to college. What do I expect? I honostly don't know.

Lisa called me this morning. She was the girl I met at the art comp. She is the one who is still living at OakWood. Anyways, she called me up to ask let me know OakWood was screwing her over on rent. I directed her to the HighLand Place for next year. Hopefully, she can make it through their games.

I'm Still Alive and In MI.

2005-08-13T19:58:00.000-04:00

I'm still alive and in MI.
Listening to:

I am here at Molly's right now. ^_^ Happiness!

I am trying to fix her computer, sign my MPN, and entertain her as well. Quite a task at hand.

Just thought I would let everyone know I am still alive and somewhere in this world. Oh yeah, Dave, what's the URL of your new journal?

For anyone else who reads this... my new address is

405 Washington Street SE Apt.37
Grand Rapids, MI 49503

I might have posted this earlier, but still, updates are updates. Make sure to write that address down somewhere, so I can recieve all yar snail mail.

Well, I am gonna get back to work. Ciao!

My Worries

2005-08-09T14:50:00.000-04:00

My Worries
Listening to: Take me Out by Franz Ferdinand

I'm starting to wonder if there is anything I can't find my way around on a computer. These library computers have it so volume is muted, and you can't listen to CD's or music. You can't open volume control by clicking on it, or right clicking on it, in the taskbar. Right click is disabled in fact.

They use mozilla and not IE, so you can't cruise around on the computer except for the icons they give you on the desktop. Even when you open the quicki drive folder, or burning rom folder, the address bar, drop down menus and everything are hidden so you can't open them. Heh... but I found a way to open up te volume control and un-mute everything. ^_^ It took me 10 minutes, but I did it! Bwahaa! SIMPLETONS!

So yeah I didn't sleep much last night. I am really worried about this loan thing. I need another loan to cover $11,509 and I really don't know what I am doing. I can't exactly get the parants/student loan, because my mom has bad credit. So I need to get the loan with a co-signer... but who? My grandparants just got their new car, and Don is wanting to get his Nieson 350z. I have no credit or very litle. I have about 2 weeks or so to figure this out because my first payment is due the 24th I believe it is. *huge sigh* I am going to college this year, damnit. Ofcourse God saw fit that I was born into poverty. I still have to get online and ign an MPN for my masters loan. But where the hell do I do that. I swear to god my financial aide officer is a lazy bitch. She just gives me this same crappy brochure on where to go. LIKE THAT HELPS BITCH!

When I make it in this world, after al this pain, I am going to spit at the ground of the people who made it even more difficult for me. The people that help me, I will remember when I am rich. *squeezes hand in a fist* CURSE YOU MONEY GRUBBERS!

The Tower

2005-08-07T06:21:00.000-04:00

The Tower
Listening to:

I came back to Shelby this weekend. My brothers baby girl was born Thursday, August 4. She weighed 6 lbs 7 ounces. Kaydence Nicole Morris.

So I came back hoping to meet her this weekend. The sucky thing was, she was in Muskegon, and I ended up in Shelby. My boss, Jack, also called and was desperate for me to work some hours this week, but Saturday was the only day I could. So the schedule got switched around and I worked at Wesco today (Saturday).

But yeah, so that's why I was up in Shelby. Weird how things will bring you back like that.

I got back and I heard Danielle was excited I was home this weekend. So when I got done with my Grand Fathers birthday (which is the same day the baby was born... lol) I went to Wesco to see my Wesco girls. But Cat works third now so I only got to see Danielle.

I came home and worked on an application for Best Buy, and got a craving for a candy bar. So I drove down to Wesco. It was like 12:10 am. I knew Cat would be there. When I got there, both Cat and Danielle were there. We hung outside of Wesco and I told them I was off to the tower to look at the stars and think, and what not. Danielle said she might stop by so I said, "ok, call me before you come over. I am not going out there for a few yet." So she did. I was shocked. Her and I climbed up the tower, and we talked. For hours. I learned stuff about her I never even knew.. or thought. We came back to my house, and after a few minutes of sitting around here talking, she went home. It was going on 4 am. So I went to bed as well. Weird how her and I are friends just cause I would go into Wesco everyday to bug her, and eventually got a job with her. We have both shared the same hardships in life (mostly), so it made it all the better to be able to talk to her.

I missed her and Cat, and all my other friends a lot this week. They have always... been there. Now it's different. I even had a dream Tuesday night that I came back to Shelby to find out Danielle was moving out of country that day, without saying goodbye, and how depressed I felt when I woke up. Outside of Molly, Danielle is the closest female friend I have. I have always been able to talk to her about anything, and not worry about feelings getting hurt, or akwardness in the mixed company. We were friends. We could trust each other.

Cat is cool. She is this slightly older then us, girl, who is into all the stuff Mike and I are into. She is trapped in an older body (not to much older mind you >.>) and if we ever needed advice, we knew we could count on her because of her experience in SO MUCH. Infact, I just spent 2-3 hours hanging out with her and Brad and Amanda at Wesco.

Nadine, her sister and I climbed the tower. I think that makes every one of my friends, but Molly (and Cat) who have climbed it. Kinda like the final initiation test of faith. We all have agree'd on one thing though, it is awesome up there. Nadine and I must've counted 30 shooting stars in the hour we were up there. *sigh* Good times.

*yawn* I need sleep. I am supposed to meet the guys at the Nickle at one tomorrow for lunch. Then I head back home. My advice to the younger... don't be in such a rush to move away from home. You leave more then just your home, family, and problems. You leave the rituals, good times, and your friends as well.

Still hunting.

2005-08-04T16:03:00.000-04:00

Still hunting.
Listening to: @ teh library.

Well, I got my address changed, and I got my library membership now. ^_^ BOOKS!

Mike and Dave have left me. >,< Mike had to work this weekend, and Dave had to work today so they both took off. I am still looking for a job. This is going to be hard. Trying to budget my money untill I get a job to start supporting myself again. I might even decide on a full time job, ranging from 32-48 hours a week. It's going to be tough, but I need money to live.

I have to run over to this building (94.5 rock) to get an app. So I am cutting this off early. Caio!

Oh yeah... HUGE ASS SPIDERS EVERYWHERE! *shudder*

Moved in and rolling.

2005-08-03T17:32:00.000-04:00

Moved in and rolling.
Listening to: Nothing, I am in the library.

Moved in and rolling. Our apartment is decked. Sound system, life size darth vader, cool neighbors that I have hung out with already. I am fitting in here better then I thought I would.

I love it here. I just spent about 3 hours walking around here, applying at jobs, and talking to people. I met a girl from Silver Lake who is friends with Amber Veltman and Andy Tracy, who are two people I went to school with. Heh, wild eh? She is going to try and hook me up with a job at her work (coffee shop).

I just spent 30 minutes walking around with the crew from the 94.5 rock station, and helped them out. A girl dropped me a tip, that they need a tech support position filled, and she gave me her as a reference, and where to get the app. That would rock ( no pun intended ).

I am still internetless at home, but in a week or two, I hope to have cable internet ^_^. That, makes me VERY happy.

Next week, I am off to Molly's for a week. I h ope to get home sometime this weekend. My niece is gonna be born either tomorrow or Friday sometime. Wow, my bro is gonna be a daddy, me an uncle, and my mother and grand mother. Things are happening so fast.

Wel, i gotta jet... gotta get home and call the cable guy. Maybe relax and play some videogames, or even work on a comic. Who knows? I am living life by the second right now. I am loving it.

...

I miss home.

Moving Day

2005-08-01T07:35:00.000-04:00

Moving Day
Listening to: Josh and Dave ripping on each other.

Well, I haven't slept in what seems like days. My eyes can't focus on one thing for to long. My body is running in over drive mode to just stay awake. I am beat. BUt today is far from over. I worked through the night vigorously to finish packing (for the most part).

My aunt started crying when I was saying good bye to her this morning. Britt showed up to say good bye about 20 minutes ago. I haven't had a hug that tight in a long time. Months it seems. She really clung to me and told me how much she was going to miss me and how I was actually moving. I needed that hug. I am sure my mother is going to give me an even bigger one tonight when she leaves my apartment.

My Grand Parants... I think they are really sad. Cody, I wish I would've spent more time with him while I was here. He always looked up to me, and without me here, I don't know what to expect him to be like. What is he going to do without me?

Danielle came over last night. I gave her a present I bought her. It was a poster of a dragon/tiger, yin & yang symbol fighting each other. Like me, she loves tigers and dragons. I also gave her a copy of "Inner Demons" for her wall. She has been wanting that piece for a long time. We talked for a while, and as usual, saying goodbye was hard. So we both agree'd that it wasn't a goodbye, it was just a "I will be back." and a "I will be here, waiting for your return." Sad thing is, when I return, it's only a short time. My life is now done here. I don't think I will enjoy life here the same way I have learned to. It's quite a bummer.

It will sink in when I sleep. When I wake up in an unfamiliar location, my mind will race, and the last week will slap me all at once... then the break down will come. I need to be embraced. I need love. I need Molly. She is on her way home right now as we speak. I pray to God she comes back to me safely, and alive.

The Goodbye Party

2005-07-30T16:21:00.000-04:00

The Goodbye Party
Listening to: The Unwritten Law CD

Ok let's try this again. The first attempt to post about it was screwed over by XP.

Last night, I had a huge party. Recently, I have had this ability to throw together a succesful party at the last minute. It was not just a good party, it was one of my best yet. I had the party because I am moving and I haven't had much time to hang out with all of my friends. So it was a good bye party. The stats of the party were:
About 60 different people showed up through out the night.
About 40 all in my house at one time.
We ordered like 12 pizzas
$20 in 2 liters of pop
Bondfire
Guitar and Singing

It was great. So many people I haven't hung out with in forever showed up. I even had people I didn't know there. Friends who brought friends who brought their friends. I ran around in my blue jeans, white button up and brown cowboy hat acting as hyper as everyone else was.

Brad and Amanda parked their cars and turned their neons on (blue and pink neons, respectivly). We then played club music and Josh and I got in front of everyone and danced through half the CD.

I also played guitar and sang, as did Justin, Dan, Dave, Mario, Joe. We all just sat around playing and singing. I learned a few new songs as well.

Joe had plans with Kelley and her friend last night. They knew I was having this party, but Joe forgot it was last night. So when he broke off plans with her she went on a rampage. She got all pissy and Joe told her it was his last night to be able to hang out with me like this for a long time and she got pissed and hung up on him. So he called her back and she said "I don't want you there, because those girls will be there." He got pissed and told her they were hear to see me and say goodbye, not to try and take him away from her (not like they ever try to anyways... they are just FRIENDS). She hung up and sent him a text message saying "I am sick of you walking all over me." I about lost it right there. God I hate that woman. She is going to get my say before I leave Monday. I DON'T care what it is she does to piss me off, but I will say something to her. But in the better note, Joe blew her off to hang out with me! ROCK ON BRO! Don't let her walk all over you. You don't always need to be with her. Priorities and time come first.

There were more girls there then guys I think. Which in a way doesn't suprise me. A lot of girls came to give their goodbye hugs and the guys came to give me crap as usual, lol. We are a weird group of friends, but anyone who hangs out with us, grows to like our style.

It was a succesful turn out though. No alchohol or drugs (rest assured Molly) and we all had a great time. I wish Ryan and Brian would've shown up.

Danielle came out after work and I brought her to the top of the tower. We saw the coolest crescent blood moon, draped with grey clouds. Saw a few shooting stars and in the towns around us, bondfires could be seen being lit up. Which was weird because I saw one, then another on the other side and made a comment about it being like Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. Within the following 10 minutes, 6 more lit up in the surrounding towns. *lol* I was like "QUick, Muskegon calls for our aide!" where David followed up with "There is no helping them..."

God I am gonna miss my friends. A few said when I move it's like our group is going to collapse because I was one of the main supports bringing us all together. My house always being open to everyone, and me always being there when they are in a pinch, financially or emotionally. This made me smile, knowing I was an important part in our clique.

Tonight will be my last sleep in this house. Tomorrow I am staying at Ryan's and playing Final Fantasy XI with him all night. Then the following morning, I am packing up and moving out. Where has time gone?

Dave and I were talking on our way home from Rothbury this morning. He brought up how much we have both changed in the last 6-7 years. He said:

"This is going to sound gay but, you were always like the Knight in Shining Armor/hero who everyone looked up to. You always did what needed to be done, and what was right. Now your more like the adventuring hero, instead of the gallant one. You're not so conservative and your more open minded. Me, I used to be very cynical and negative towards most of the world. Now I am just living and enjoying life as it comes at me. I wonder what brought this change to us?"

It made me think. How many more times are we going to change. Will we loose friends over these changes, or will we loose ourselves or self worth? Dave was right though. Now that I look back on it, we are completly different then what we were when we started forming our clique. All of us.

@&%@#^%!&@^$

2005-07-30T06:09:00.000-04:00

@*&%*@#^%*!&@*^$
Listening to: The angry voices in my head.

Fuck it... I had a HUGE post about tongight but Windows Fucking X.tra.P.roblems fucked that one up. Way to go William you piece of shit. Grr... maybe when I am not so tired I will update... like when I wake up. Fuck you Bill Gates! You can take that money and burn in hell because you sure are not doing us any good rolling in it. -_-

The Relay For Ultra Light 100's

2005-07-17T07:47:00.000-04:00

The Relay For Ultra Light 100's
Listening to: Sonata K. 12 in G Minor by Scarlatti

Work was definetly... unique last night:

I discovered I had Super Saiyan speed because when I got to work, we were SWAMPED. Relay For Life (Cancer) was going on a block away, and all night, untill like 4:30 it was busy. I was handling these customers by myself too.

I had to laugh at some of these Relay For Life people though. One lady, flying the colors and shirt, came in and asked me for a whole carton of Malboro Ultra Light 100's in a Box. That's 10 packs of cigs. Jesus... I looked at Brad after she left and said she should join the relay for WHAT THE FUCK!?

Halfway through the night, a 34-35 year old woman came in, called me "hot hunny" and asked me out to coffee, thinking I was around 27-28. It was her bachorlet(?) party last night, and she said to me "I dunno if we will work out... but if not, you can gaurantee I will be back to ask you out darling." *lol* Aiy, the world we live in.

This one kid wouldn't get the picture. He kept asking me to sell him alcohol, when it was after 2 am. He even tried bribing me. He would leave each time and come back shortly after, to try again. He even asked me to let him leave with some food and he would come and pay me back tomorrow. He made the mistake of calling my mom a bitch ... wit my aunt standing right next to him in line. SNAP.

Lisa came in and said hi! ^_^ That makes me happy. I miss her.

Throughout the night, I would take short breaks and play the harmonica. I learned to play amazing graze, and the first few lines of the Zelda overworld theme song.

*yawn* I stuck around and helped the girls today. Danielle came and picked up the papers to do her paper route and I helped her load her car. I then said my farewells and came home to check the darkhearts forum. WHich reminds me.

My mother has been a member of a chat RP community for... oh, since I was in 7th grade. She signed me up as a member and sent me my log in and password. I took up the name, and joined the community. Now I can chat with my mom, and her friends while I am in college, and escape from reality. These peeps are funny as hell. It's nice to read the stupid shit everyone has to say. So ya, that's my life as of right now.

Jerk It Out Check It Out!

2005-07-13T06:02:00.000-04:00

Jerk It Out Check It Out!
Listening to: Jerk it out by The Casears

Heh, I like this song. I was driving home from Dave's house about 5 am this morning and this song came on the radio. I memorized the chorus and found it online. Check it out.

Wind me up
put me down
start me off and watch me go
I'll be running circles around you sooner than you know
A little off center
and I'm out of tune
just kickin this can along the avenue
But I'm alright

'cause it's easy once you know how it's done
you can't stop now
it's already begun
you feel it
running through your bones

and you jerk it out
jerk it out

shut up
hush your mouth
can't you hear you talk to loud?
No I can't hear nothing 'cause I got my head up in the clouds
I bite off anything that I can chew
I'm chasing cars up and down the avenue
But that's ok

'cause it's easy once you know how it's done
you can't stop now
it's already begun
you feel it
running through your bones

so you jerk it out
jerk it out

SHIT, FUCK!!! JOEY YOU BASTARD! OZ YOU SUCK!

2005-07-12T01:28:00.000-04:00

SHIT, FUCK!!! JOEY YOU BASTARD! OZ YOU SUCK!
Listening to: Some baseball game.

Tonight I went to Ryan's and played Final Fantasy for a little while. Afterwards, Ryan and I met up with Chuck, Oz and Dave at my house and as we were leaving to go to the Pizza Factory, I got stung by a wasp... 5 minutes after my little cousin got stung. This started a war with the bastards (7-8 of them by my house door). So, I took my shoes off and gave one to Ryan and we ran hit them, run away, and repeat.

After 10 minutes of this we went and got dinner. Good times. Wait till we are all 21, bwahaha.

After dinner, we came back to my house. Joey bought an Xbox the other day, so the guys all brought theirs and we had it networked between the rooms. Ryan, Chuck, Dave, Oz and I in my room, and Joey and Kelley in his. Lots of cussing and screaming... but it was all out of stressful fun.

They just left, and Dave and I are going to hang out for a while. *yawn* GOtta work tomorrow afternoon but then I have Wednesday off. Woot! Dave said he might sell me his Xbox for $70. Can't turn down an offer like that, especially when he also has Fable and Halo 2.

Last Weekend

2005-07-10T21:46:00.000-04:00

Last Weekend
Listening to: Smash Mouth - Astro Lounge

I can't believe it has been a week since Molly left Shelby. Last weekend was great:

Molly was supposed to come up on Friday, but she couldn't. Instead, she got here early Saturday. I woke up and went and picked her up and we came back to my place and spent hours just ... hanging out. I showed her some funny videos and played my guitar for her.

I then took her to see Justin at his house and he played some guitar for us, before he had to leave for work. When he left for work, we went to the art gallery, dropped off my art piece, and then proceeded to the oval. We didn't stay long there because the water was so cold, it made my feet hurt when I stepped into it.

As we left the oval we decided to go to Justin's work and have dinner. Of course, Molly didn't want actual food. She wanted Ice Cream. I made her get food, so she ordered super spicy boneless buffalo wings. Jared called us and we tried making plans but they never carried out.

I ended up having to work third that night but my night was enjoyable because I got to see Molly. It's amazing how seeing your other part helps lift life up.

I got up early the following day to spend as much time as I could with Molly. I took her and my little cousin out for ice cream late that after noon. I was sad to drop her off. The look on her face is always painful.

Apparently, the following morning she came to see me before driving home. I don't remember any of the events that follow after that... well, clearly that is. It all seemed like another dream that I remembered days later. I have many dreams like that one.

The weekend was a good one though. Even if I had to work third shift on the 4th of July weekend. Molly made it tolerable. As she usualy makes my life.

A final note for the night.

2005-07-09T05:00:00.000-04:00

A final note for the night.
Listening to: The Weather Channel and the dog next door.

Today my girlfriend leaves for Tokyo.... from there to Bangkok. Grrr... she is so lucky and she is going to torture me like this for 3 weeks. BUT, by the time she gets back I will have my own place. Yes you heard right.

In 3 weeks, I will be moving to Grand Rapids. THe day I move there, is the day she will prolly get back. THen, i will go and stay at her house. Goodbye Wesco, goodbye Shelby, Goodbye old life, Hello NeW!

I will miss Molly terribly, and I will be updating my journal more often so she can know what's going on in my life while she is gone. Everyone, I need your phone numbers, emails and home addresses. My cell is 231-343-0768. Everyone write this down and email me yours at marcmorris@gmail.com I don't want to loose any of my friends.

*yawn* Well, I went to one hell of a party and now I am tired. Amanda and Justin are passed out on my floor so I might just [try] to jump over them and land softly and safely in my bed. Prolly not.

Have a safe trip Molly. May my love and God protect you.

Michigan's Adventure: Twice the fun... as a day at work.

2005-07-07T00:43:00.000-04:00

Michigan's Adventure: Twice the fun... as a day at work.
Listening to: The thoughts in my head, as aposed to the ones outside of my head.

Last Friday, I...had the day off!!! Wow, a Friday off. Something I haven't experienced in over 3 months.

Well, we had plans for a bunch of the group to meet at Michigan's Adventure, but when it came to it, it was just Brittany, Nadine and I. The group from my Junior prom. It was really fun though! We had a blast.

When we arrived there, the girls talked me into doing one of those antique photo's from a certain decade, era, time thing. It turned out bad ass. I like it. If I can get my scanner working, (or my computer for that matter...) then I will post the pic.

The rest of the day, of course, we rode rides and went into the water park. It was really cold out that day though. I tolerated the warmer than air water, but at the price of soaking my wallet and all of it's contents. I was in the process of emptying my shorts when Brittany and I started talking about god knows what now. This side tracked me and I ended up leaving my wallet in the pocket. >,<

As I rode roller coasters, I had my sunglasses, orange beanie, and mp3 player on. Offspring and Franz Ferdinand make the best roller coaster music. It makes the ride more exciting. I wasn't as thrilled by the rides as much though. Once you have been to Cedar Point, Michigan's Adventure just seems kinda... whimpy and not as exciting.

I ended up playing that game where the person guesses your weight, and then you get on the scale. He guessed I was 150 lbs!!! LMAO. I weighted 199-200 (wet shorts, shoes, pockets pull of things) So I won Molly this cat doll that she ended up naming Dr somethingoranother P.H.D. I then bought her a Glass Jar/Pot with "Molly" on the front, and inside, a scroll with a fortune.

I also found a ring that says "Molly" on it and now it hangs from my cross necklace.

Overall, I had a lot of fun. It was nice to get out and do something for once. Especially since I haven't seen much of Nadine or Brittany in forever. More Nadine then Brittany... -_- Nadine thinks she is toooooo good for me apparently. *snicker* She works at the slave mill, errr I mean, Wesco in New Era. So she is busy as much as I am. Tomorrow night I will update about my weekend with Molly, but for now, I am gonna go and play videogames. Gotta work tomorrow.

The summer of 2003

2005-06-28T02:08:00.000-04:00

The summer of 2003
Listening to: The rain.

The end of my junior year, started the summer of adventures. Jared and I had just reinstated our friendship, I bounced around from girl to girl in search of happiness, adventure, and meaning. Brittney and I went through our ordeal, as well as did Vanessa and I. I was a heartbreaker now that I look back on it. Many a time, I would be breaking some girls heart unintentionally.

I had some good times though. That was the summer my brother and I became good friends. Jared, Joey and I, we were a team. Mom's protecters from Justin's alchoholic rages. Cruisin around that summer in the shaggin wagon, Jared's blue station wagon. All three of us worked at McDonalds that summer as well. After work, baggin like 4 bags of food and cruisin over to Brad's pad to chill, play videogames, jump in the lake at 3 am, and surf the net (Medal of Honor battle sessions).

We were like the vigilantes of Shelby. Causing trouble, and adored by the cops. This was also the summer I was fighting with Charity's heartbreak. But amidst all the adventure, I found my happiness, which was with my friends, having nothing but a good time. That summer I drank once I believe. I wasn't big into getting drunk, mainly because at the age of 18, it was hard trying to get some. Getting laid, well it wasn't on my things to do list. Fooling around was.

That summer I picked up the guitar and started learning to play a few simple things. Just in time for guitar class.

To top the summer of adventure off, I met her. The woman of my dreams, problems, pain, happiness. The woman of mine for everything. Molly. A whole new adventure on it's own.

The one thing I remember the most though about that summer, is when Jared, Joey and I would be playing videogames in my room. Middle of the night. Lights dimmed, warm breeze shooting through my window, storm blowing in around Shelby's area, and us going "Let's go to the gas station!" We would hop into big blue, the shaggin waggon lackin much love, cruise to Nessa's, grab her and Jessie, and then go get munchies.

Tonight, I sat in my room. I was bored. My computer is lacking the ability to work right, and I was lonely. I remembered Vanessa left a voicemail so I checked it out and she was just calling to see what I was up to. While sitting at my computer, that feeling... that ambition came back. I had the munchies. I called Nessa up and said "I'm going to Wesco and you're gonna come with me." I picked her up and we drove over and I took forever in picking out what I wanted (Whitecastle burgers, Pizza Rolls, Reese's Ice Cream, Snickers and a Code Red). I then brought Nessa home and I fixed up her computer, cleaning it of the spyware and unused programs. We then chilled out on her deck for about 20 minutes, watching the heat lighting, and the stars (how u ask? the clouds were --around-- Shelby as usual). Her and I talked. SOmething her and I were always really good at. We can open up to each other and not feel weird about it. Even if her and I --DID-- have something at one point, we know that friends is all we need to be. My feelings since then are changed and I would protect her with my life. She means a lot to me. She is always there when I need to talk to someone. The nice thing is, when I need someone to talk to, she does as well. So each others problems make the other better in the end. She is one of my closest friends. (Kinda like your Eric, Molly).

She had to get going to bed though. She has to be up early in the morning. Tomorrow night we might hang out. I have to teach her how to draw hair on anime faces. She has everything else down pat. I am so proud of her ^_^. IF not tomorrow night, Wednesday afternoon cause I work third on Wednesday.

*sigh* Now it's storming. What a wonderful evening. The adventure is done, though it seems. My brother, no longer the adventurer. But more, a father. Me, in love and dedicated, getting ready to move out on my own. Live life my way. Working a full job, and Jared, off in other lands, fighting someone elses war, finding himself.

... (10 minute break)

I just went out and stood in the rain shirtless. Now that feels good. The lighting dancing around me, warm rain pooring onto me. I might go for a jog. The perfect thing.

Here is to the new adventures we might have. Everyone. Brad, Mike, Joey, Jared, Jessia, Vanessa, Molly. Life will always be different. Just don't regret what you do. If you will, don't do it. Simple advice for my friends.

A quickie before bed.

2005-06-20T04:24:00.000-04:00

A quickie before bed.
Listening to:

Wow, this week has kinda sucked. I had an apartment all lined up to move into next month. Had being the key word there. I got a call from the building lady and she said "A condo realiter bought us and now are making them into condos." So now Mike and I are homeless again. We now have to find a place to live in less then a month. Wednesday morning I am going down with him again to do some house hunting.

Molly and I also had a really bad fight. I hope everything is now behind us, even though some of the stuff I learned is still eating away at my mind. >.<

My computers main hard drive (the os one) finally died. So my computer is out of commision. I need to get up to best buy to buy that 80gb HD on sale... hmmm.

Mom bought me a GameCube, with Zelda Wind Waker. :-D I also got the attatchment so I can play my gameboy games on it. I have been playing Final Fantasy I and II Dawn of Souls of my GBA a lot lately. It is the one thing that gets me through the night at work, when I have no one coming in.

*yawn* I am gonna head off to bed. Night folks.

Graduation Already

2005-06-04T21:21:00.000-04:00

Graduation Already.
Listening to:

Congrats class of 2005!!!

I can’t believe it has been a whole year since I have graduated from High School. Man, I seriously took a year off after High School. Most of my friends are in my position now. Mike and I are even going off to college together.

Work is really getting to me but I know I need the cash hardcore. If anyone knows a way to make cash for college, send me an email (marcmorris@gmail.com).

This fall I am going to a comic convention and setting up a table. My comic site will be moving to a domain sometime soon. I hope. I am getting some cards and stickers printed up as well. It’s been about 5 weeks since my last comic post though, if that is any indication of how busy I have been.

Right now I am on my way to Molly’s graduation. Brian is at the wheel and I am on his laptop. Nice ^_^