The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Over the last 2 weeks.
Listening to: The Offspring Splinter CD

It has definitely been quite the experience this last few weeks. Lots of good and bad have come through my life.

Dave and I went home to Shelby the Thursday before Christmas. I had a nice long 5 day break from work, and the insanities that are unfortunately a part of my life. I had only felt the Christmas spirit once before then. That was when Katie first stayed over at my house and her and I cuddled up and watched Christmas shows on my bed. I felt it even stronger when I came home Christmas morning from working third shift at Wesco, and Mom and Joey were up waiting for me with a "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" as I walked in. I truly understand what made Christmas so special to me growing up. Not the presents... not the decorations. It was the feeling of having someone who cared and loved you so much. My brother and mother. I love them to death.

The Friday before hand, Mom asked me to go Christmas shopping with her so she could finish up everything. She needed my assistance in getting those last second gifts picked out for Joey, Chris, Cody, Morgan, Grandma and Grandpa. I love it when Mom and I get to bond like that.

When we got home later Danielle, Brad, Christy and Zach got me to go back to Muskegon with them to do the same. I had a blast. I ended up talking to Katie for an hour and a half before getting off the phone with her. Not before Danielle could get, from my assumptions, jealous of Katie and snagging the phone to badger her. She kept saying things like "Who is this? I know your name is Katie... I meant who are you? How do you know Marc? How tall are you? How old are you? Uh huh... What's your zodiac sign? What color eyes and hair do you have?" Katie was pretty wierded out by it I believe. I never really got to talk to her about it. I don't want to. >,<' Danielle was shopping for who I thought was her brother. While looking at the videogames (which is a thing I always end up doing) I was talking to her about what games were really cool. She and I can talk videogames for hours at a time. I ended up going to look at some networking equipment while everyone else continued to shop. At Wesco the next night, I brought Danielle her Christmas gift. She ended up having two for me. She got Brad and Zach to each chip in slightly on one and the other. I opened them up and I was shocked at what I got; Castlevania Curse of Darkness and Samurai Legend Musashi, PS2 games. That's like $80 in games!

I thought she was buying for her brother because I helped her pick out his gift last year and he loved it. So we have the same taste in games. I figured wrong. They were all sneaky. I was completly oblivious to the fact that they were up to something. Curse my A.D.D. I swear I do have A.D.D. Katie says I have such a short attention span that it makes me the most random person she has ever met.

I seriously have the worlds greatest friends. Danielle, Brad, Zach, Dave, Brian, Ryan, Elise, Joey, and Katie. They are the people who understand me so well, they can predict me. I love them all to death. Especially Zach, Dave, Joey, Elise and Katie. They are always there for me and I try to help them any time I can.

Work was awesome. Imagine... getting paid $13 an hour to play Final Fantasy VII, drinking all the hot cocoa or pop you want, munching on donuts, and rarely having to serve a customer, for 9 hours straight. It was definelty the coolest Christmas Eve I have spent alone.

The sucky thing is my Microsoft Xbox live 2 month trial ended and I didn't realize they don't stop the service. Noooo, they go straight to the annual fee of 12 months for $50. This dropped my bank account REALLY low. Not knowing this I was using my Debit card to buy Milk, Bread, Eggs, pay a bill and even a cheeseburger for lunch. I was in the -$ zone. For every time I used my debit card, I was charged a $25 fee, regardless of how much I spent. That means I spent $26 on a god damn cheeseburger. I am now $250 in debt to the bank because of the charges. I didn't know this until 30 seconds after I punched my debit number in and Mom had called me to warn me not to use my card anymore. FUCK. Now I have bills, a 2 month past due phone bill of $100, and rent this week I have to pay, on a job where I make $340 a month. Plus I have to pay the $250 to the bank within a month or they charge me something like $5 a day more. That didn't help with my Christmas. *sighs* So now my body is sore as all hell from working whenever I can with Don, Library, Wesco or even my new job that I work when I get called (another under the table job). It's just not enough to slide into home safe this time. I hope to God my MEAP money can go towards rent.

Christmas was really good though. I didn't get any sleep after work that morning though. Mom, Joey and I opened our presents. Joey played Santa this year so I didn't have to. He loved the presents we got him. His eyes went wide when he opened the Gameboy and Games. Music CD's, kick ass clothing, and for the first time in like 15 years, we got matching jackets. We look like Boondock saint wannabes in our buster suit coats. I got some really nice clothing, a Eucher Card Set with rules (I can finally learn!), and of course, I got my laptop a month early. We all sipped on Egg nog and took pictures of each other on Mom's digital camera. We even watched a thing about Barbies, GI Joe's and other things like Slinkys, etc etc on TV together before we all went off to play with our new toys.

I actually didn't move any where. I sat right where I had been in front of the TV and popped in Castlevania Curse of Darkness. I played till we had to go to Grandma's for presents and dinner. At Grandma's I was swarmed as usual with hugs from everyone glad to see me home. Especially Cody. I love that kid like he was my own. I am proud of him. He takes his art seriously. He got a drafting table for drawing, an electric guitar and amp, a gamecube, a shit load of art supplies and tons of chocolate. He has taken an interest in what I do. He even has taken an interest in Kate already. *lol* I got some really nice clothes, cds and cases, new boots, and some cash from Aunt Angie. Spoiled again by those closest to my heart.

Something wasn't right though. I only ate one plate of Grandma's Christmas dinner. One of two major meals in a year I look foreward to and I wasn't hungry. I was thinking about someone in particular. After dinner I slid away to a quiet place in the house. I called Molly.

I called to wish her a Merry Christmas and let her know she was the one still on my mind that day. Now I wonder if it was worth the humiliation. She was in Shelby that day and didn't tell me. She didn't even want to see me. She told Brian some bullshit as they talked as well. Apparently there are two sides to our story and I don't know her side. As if cheating and lying are justified. Fuck it. I set Brian straight on some of the stuff she told him. He should have figured as much. I was a little sad at the actions above. I really wanted to be her friend. I didn't want to be with her like "that" any longer. I just wanted her as a friend. More than ever. And I am not even worth a friendship to her. Instead of being angry though, I just lowered my head, took a big breath and walked out of her life to leave her to herself and her problems. I did it with a numbness sweeping over me though. It would have hurt if I let it.

That Monday, Danielle volunteered to bring me, Joe and Cody back to Grand Rapids. She was supposed to call me after work on Christmas and never did. She said she was going to be at her Mom's all day. I called there and her brother said she was there for a little while and then took off. Zach filled me in that she was at John's. Go figure. She stayed at her abusive ex bf's house for two days. She blew us off completly. This broke my trust with her in a lot of ways. She didn't so much let me down, she let Joey and Cody down more. Those two have been looking foreward to staying with me for a whole month or so. Mom and I ended up bribing Grandma and Grandpa into letting us use their new car to get us down here.

That night was fun as getting to hell. Just us guys. Cody, Joe, and Me. Surfing the net, watching Anime, playing videogames, eating McDonalds, walking the city, jammin to music. It was a true guys night. We bonded. Cody stayed up till 7 am with me. When I took a shower he asked if he could take one after me. By the time I got out though, he was out cold on the couch. I walked over and picked him up, wrapped a blanket around him, and tucked him into bed. I sat down on the floor with a pillow and blanket and started thinking like I normally do before bed. It's weird to think so many people look to me, and look up to me. When did I become what I used to look up to? A hero.

The end of the week Katie came back to Grand Rapids. Dave and Elise went to Mason for Elise's birthday so it was just Katie and I most the night. Then they came over -_-' When they showed up, we all hung out for a little, and then went to bed. Katie and I pulled the futon out and slept there while Dave and Elise slept near us on the floor. Katie put me to sleep right away by playing with my hair. She abuses that ability. New Years Eve, us four went to a party at GVSU. Oz, John, Chuck, Brian, Jen, Steph, Dolpho, Moe, Elise, Katie, Dave and I brought in the new years together. Dave and I polished a 5th of Buttershots, a few beers, some koolade shit, and I had a shot of coconut rum. Katie was our DD. She doesn't like the taste of alcohol. What a great girl. Doesn't badger me for my celebration drinks, takes care of me, and protects me. ^_^

We got back to the girls apartment, and we went straight to bed. Twinsize beds suck when you are sharing it with someone. Thank god she is a tiny girl. Elise made omelets for breakfast and I played on Katie's playstation in the living room. After we got our day started, we decided to get ready and go to Shelby. They wanted to meet Mom and Joe.

We took Katie's car and I drove back. On the way back we decided to stop and get some Chinese food at a buffet. I suprised them with how much I could hold in my stomach. Mmmm. Katie is a vegetarian so she didn't eat much. Dave ate his usual 2 medium plates with a pot of tea, and Elise ate as much as someone her size could.... which isn't much at all. After dinner, I drove us back the rest of the way to Shelby, only to be called in Whitehall by my mom letting me know she was on her way to a movie and would be home later. Being that she wasn't going to be home for a while, we walked to the tower and climbed it. At the top, Dave and I enjoyed the brisk cold wind while the girls clung to us complaining that it was cold and we were crazy for being up there in the freezing rain.

Eventually, we took sympathy on their cold bodies. Upon the return to Mom's house we watched Krunks New Groove, hung out with Joey and Cody, and eventually, Mom came home. I introduced Elise and Katie to her, and she gave them both hugs and told them how they were all she ever hears about from me. I was really surprised that they all sat and talked for so long. Even though at the time Katie and I were only seeing each other, nothing more, Mom and her took to each other pretty well.

So let's fast foreward it a bit. The other day Dave was checking my MySpace and said somebody changed my settings. My sexual preferences were changed to Unsure, Married, and I was a proud father. They also changed my picture to one of my roomate and I. Also changing the caption on it to "Me and My man". They proceeded to delete Katie off my list of friends. I thought whoever changed my Facebook on Xmas also did this. At first I thought it was Elise and Dave. The only two with access to my laptop which holds all my passwords. Nope. It wasn't them. I know this on a few facts which are not important right now. So then I thought it was Kelli but she swears to God she has nothing to do with it. She didn't even know about it till I brought it up. That left only one person... She knows who she is. This would explain why Katie was the only friend deleted from my list. She is the only person who has my password outside of the three above. So a flag went up in my head. I quickly opened a new window, typed in an address, and tried to log in under her stuff and BOOM, her passwords were suddenly changed. I know that days before they weren't because when I sent her an email with a request, I checked to see if she read it. This must mean she was the one. Everything falls perfectly into place. I changed most of my accounts, and even created a new SN which she doesn't have. I have decided if she doesn't want to be my friend, and wants to be my enemy, then I'm not going to play her childish games. Instead, I will slowly start to erase her from my life:

How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd.

I honostly figured out what I wanted from her and she just threw what was savable out the window. I thought she would want to be friends, but apparently I thought wrong. In better news; last night Katie and I watched Spider-Man together. Halfway through the movie she said (This is a rough quote...):

"So this 'What are we?' question that keeps coming up? Have you figured out an answer to it yet because it's getting hard to explain to all my curious friends and family." I sat there for a moment in silence, looking at the tv but not actually watching it. I finally turned and looked at her and replied.

"Well, what is it exactly we're waiting for? I mean, what are you looking for? A sign? The right moment? I know what... er why I am holding back and hesitating. What's your's?"

"I dunno. I mean, we do everything I couple would do. I care for you a lot. I started liking you faster than I have EVER started liking anyone else. I love being with you. You are easy to talk to. You listen and I feel really comfortable with you, which is extremely wierd being that I am usually shy and introverted. There is something about you... I say we are what we are... we just haven't chosen 'that' title to be there." I smiled and kissed her.

"So let's take that title. I have got nothing to loose but you and being single, oO(and honostly, I am sick of having to make up reasons to not go out with someone.)" She hugged me tightly and rested her head into me. "But before we decide this I need to know something. If we cross this line, where does the line appear for any other guy?"

"Well, as you know, a few weeks ago when my best friend Eric wanted to cuddle, I felt really really akward and couldn't do it. I think anything that exceeds just friendship. Hand holding, cuddling, etc and so on. No going on dates with anyone else. If being in a situation endangers the relationship and you know it, then you shouldn't be there."

I hugged her tightly and said "That's exactly right in my book. I agree 100%."

Sorry girls that I promised dates to eventually. I have a girlfriend again. Honostly, I am happy with her. Doesn't mean we can't be friends. It just means there is one less fish in the sea to fish from.

*yawns* Well, I have to go to bed. I have to get up early in the morning to go to the post office to get a money order to pay rent. Then I work 3 hours and am going to hang with Elise and Katie for a while. Friday I meet Katie's Mom. She is excited to meet me and I to meet her. Saturday after work I am going to Mason with Elise and Katie to stay at Elise's Mom's house. I am happy. This is how I wanted college to be. Exciting, adventerous, and happy. Let's count the days till a storm hits.

Katie also gave me two of her Senior Pics. I needed to share them with the world because they are that good. Check out my hottie!

Past dues:
Happy 20th Brian! (December 21st)
Happy 16th Chris! (December 23rd)
Happy 10th Morgan! (December 27th)
Happy 19th Elise! (December 30th)
Merry Christmas Everyone!
Happy New Years!

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 4:56 AM