The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Talking and Laughing and Having a Good Time
Listening to: Radio by Alkaline Trio

This last few days have been going pretty good for me. I have been talking to Katie on the phone, and online until 3 am every night. She wonders how it is I have been able to keep her up past 1 every night without her even getting tired. She would like to stay on longer to talk but her mom and dad have coniptions if she isn't up by 10 or 11.

We talked about a lot. What we thought cheating was. What the point of a relationship was. Our beliefs on everything. We discussed dating and relationship differences and where one thing cancels out the other. We hold true to the same beliefs. Even PDA. Religion we both agree on (my current beliefs, not former). Politics is still an undiscussed topic.

We continued to talk about where we were going with "us". We both agreed we want to be in a relationship with each other. We both know how much we are into each other. She loves guys who play guitar and wear glasses. She said the other night when she brought her brother over, I was hot. I would've been better if my sloppy hair wasn't hidden under my black Nike hat. She doesn't want me to get my haircut either. She thinks I look good like this. No arguement with that. That's totally fine by me.

The other night I asked her out to dinner. I am taking her to Olive Garden for a date because she is a Vegetarian. When I asked her she seemed kind of shocked. She was all "Um, are you asking me on a date?" I laughed and said "Well, yeah. i am asking if I can take you to Olive Garden and buy you dinner. So I guess that's a yes." She was happy about that. Especially since that is her favorite restuarant. I even know what her favorite meal is thanks to Elise.

She knows how scared I am about hurting her. She keeps asking me how she compares to Molly, and Charity. I don't know how to answer that. I keep saying "They are all really sweet girls. Well, were in the beginning. Things change though. People change, and I don't know if it was the fact that High School and College changed them a lot or not. But they both still have good hearts. Things with me just don't seem to be like that anymore. I am worried I am a fuck up and that's why I am affraid." So I still lay in bed and think on this. What is it exactly? Why is it I hurt the one's I love outside of family when I tried everything to do exactly opposite? She tells me not to worry because with relationships comes pain. She is prepared for it. If I get out of line she will slap me upside the head. *lol*

I finally have found my motivation to quit smoking completly. Katie is allergic to it. Just like Susan in 3D class and Lisa. I only smoked cause it helped me relax and unwind about my problems. When I have someone there with me who I am comfortable with, I don't have the urges. I started smoking to help ease the pain from the loss of Molly. Since then, I have cut back nearly the whole way. I still find myself grabbing one though when things seem to take my heart down. With her help, knowing of her being allergic, I know this won't be a hard thing to do. I feel confident on it.

Tonight BeeDub asked me if I was going to the Wyns' for New Years. I was kinda thrown back by the thought. I mean, if he went, and it was alright by them, and more importantly, Molly, would I go? I made the decision that Katie was coming back home to GR to be with me cause she has no plans as of yet, so no. Brian then stated that he wasn't going to go, but instead having a party at his place. If he can't have it there, everyone is going to GVSU at Oz's. I am supposed to bring Katie so everyone can meet her. I hope it's in Shelby. Mom needs to meet Katie and vice versa. Their backgrounds and interests are the same in a lot of areas. She also is anxious to pass the tests my bro has for approval. Looks and interests have passed. I know Joe is gonna love her. I believe my Mom would too. I could then take her to all the area's she has heard stories about. She could meet Ryan and Danielle, and Brad and Jared.

The nice thing is, she is two blocks away and has her own place. No restrictions a Dorm would. She pays her own bills, and is responsable, smart, and gets along great with my friends thus far. Whenever I would want to see her, I could. School, work, free time. *goes into a happiness slump* I forgot what a relationship was like when the girl was see-able every day. The great thing is, her being in the same major as me, we might have classes together. We beat each other up and wrestle all the time like we are best friends, so I question as to work getting done without us jabbing.

Now, I hold in one hand "Molly's regretful heart" along side mine. The other, I hold a potential happy future. I don't want to hurt either of them. I love Molly, but I know she isn't capable of staying true to me and can use Aaron and her other guy friends as a means of not having time for me. I still cherish her friendship and the memories that never happened with her. But let's face it. When our relationship was hanging off the edge of forever, she didn't try to hold on back so my grasp alone wasn't enough to save us. I fell so far down it took me forever to be able to get back up. I'm stil clutching the "chocolate wrappers" though. The other hand, I have a girl who is attatched to me and I to her. Nothing near love. God, far from it. But a strong care for her and vice versa. I am her first real relationship, even though it's not that yet. We both decided that maybe after a few weeks of this "dating" scenario we will go steady if all is still great. Choosing one will hurt the other. What am I supposed to do guys? I love Molly and don't want her to hurt anymore, but yet, I care a lot about Katie and not hurting her as well. I know what I want to do, but sometimes you have to do what is needed before being able to do what one wants. I will figure it out. I usually come out alright in the end. That's what is great about me. Advice welcomed.

In a change of subject for a bit, Elise, Dave and I were at Marathon getting some snacks. Dave was across the store, and Elise and I were by the cookies. Suddenly the word Pap Smear came to mind. I looked at Elise and asked "What's a Pap Smear?" She fell to her knee's laughing and stating how I am always so random. She explained it to me and suddenly I got this deviace grin on my face. From across the packed gas station I yelled "Hey Dave, how did your Pap Smear go!?" He looked up from what he was doing with the funniest look on his face. The face of total confusion and disbelief. (0.0)' Elise and I just lost it right then. He never answered either. He just stood there staring like "I'm gonna kill you asshole!"

That was the funny highlight of my night. Ryan is gonna be my next victum because I know he doesn't know what a Pap Smear is. He is going to be at Cherry Hill screaming across the store "MOTHER FUCKER! WHAT'S A PAP SMEAR!? DID I HAVE A PAP SMEAR!?" BWAHAHAHA. In-genius. You know what else is in-genuis? The boks on Bunny Suicides. Here is what they have to offer.

God I love these things. For more, go here. Not to be taken seriously by the Bunny lovers though!

Well, I have to work tomorrow. It is 5:37 already in the morning. Took me a while to type this laughing at all the Bunny Suicides and Music Videos. I am gonna go to bed. I think I am gonna sleep well again. Especially since I have good thoughts and feelings right now. Tomorrow when I wake up, I will find out my Semester one grades *worries*.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 4:10 AM