The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

My life is an oxymoron cliche'
Listening to: The peace and quiet, finally....

So this weekend was definetly different. Yet again, I am really confused about Danielle. I am getting to the point where mind games are not my favorite hobby anymore. I am so confused on what Danielle feels, and it's making me think about everything. One second, she acts like she really likes me, the next, she acts like she doesn't want to be any thing more than JUST FRIENDS. *shakes head* Ugh, it makes my head hurt. I wish she would make up her mind.

Tonight, I talked to Molly on the phone for I think, about 40 minutes. I really enjoyed it too. We laughed, caught up, talked, and overall, it wasn't a bad convo. It was almost like the conversations her and I used to have before... well, you know.

Some doors are starting to open and now I am at a crossroads in my life. Windows that were sealed by the shades are now shining light in. I can see things I could barely see before, and I am starting to come to terms and realizations with a lot of things. What is sad about it all is that no matter what window I look through, I see pain. It makes me want to sprint back down the path and take a different road hoping there might be something better.

Danielle is hurting me by playing these mind games, and of course, my infinite love for Molly is hurting me and will one day serve an extremely painful blow to me before finally going numb indefinetly.

151... relaxing... medicine for the confused. Mix that with Fight Club, and maybe half a 2 liter of coke, and well, it makes for a night where you see things clearly for the first... or second times.

I am going to crash hard. Will I have more oddball dreams? My dreams have started to cross. The fear of never seeing Molly again. The fear of seeing her. Danielle and everything that is fucked up about 'us'. It's enough to make for a fucked up dream. It's enough to make a grown man scream insanity.

These thoughts eat away at my skull, on top of the many worries and struggles in life.

This week... Black Friday... closure... will this be my last good bye, or my final hello? *smiles* Life can be so bittersweet. Life is one giant oxymoron. As humans, we strive to find an indefinate happiness. Peace, security, love, and safety from any form of pain. What we get is one with the other. One thing I have always told myself, with every ounce of love, there is an equal or greater amount of hate. With peace comes war, pain comes pleasure, and a beginning comes an end. A chain is only as long as it's weakest link. I temper myself with each painful thought, and become stronger.

I can only hope one thing. This confusion that acts as a storm in my head eventually runs weak, and dies out. *shakes head* Ok, I am now ready for bed. I am rocking back in forth in my chair trying to stay awake.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 2:38 AM