The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

18 months. Last day of my 1 1/2 year vacation as well.
Listening to: Invader Zim on TV

This last week has been torture for me. Molly moved to Michigan Tech, and she forgot about me. She wouldn't call, and when she would, it was only to talk for a few. She would be with these guys she met all day and night long, going to parties, or sleeping/napping at their places during her free time. She wouldn't call me at all. When I would really want to talk, she would throw me off like I was just a guy... not her guy. So when I couldn't take it anymore, I tried calling her and calling her, and she wasn't calling me back, I broke up with her over voicemail. I admit, it was drastic to do, but worse has been done on her part, and this was just as bad. We talked things over for 20 minutes the next night though and we decided we would work things out... well, I decided.

The "abuse" continued for a few days, and I talked with her best friend about it and even my mother. Aiy... they gave me some good advice, but it's not always what a person would like to hear. Me, I am the type of guy who wants things that are good to stay the same, or get better. Not just suddenly get worse. I didn't like the fact that as soon as these "guy friends" came into the picture, she became exactly opposite of what I have grown to love this last 2 years. For no reason at all, it was like these guys were more important to her then spending some time with me on the phone. Why suddenly did I become this shadow in her life. Why after everything I have done for her, did I become this un-important, un-loved, person? I was being torn up by it. It ate away at my mind, 24 hours a day.

Yesterday, I didn't want to get out of bed. I wanted to sleep my life away, with hopes of waking up to the girl I loved. With everything being perfect. Mike and Lisa came in and both woke me up. (-_-)' So I kept to myself all day. I think I REALLY worried Mike. Lisa thougth I was mad at her. But I didn't want to talk to people. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

Molly then called me.

She called to apologize for not being there for me. She called to say sorry, and went on to say how she wasn't being a good girlfriend, and how she should be scheduling her plans around our phone time... not trying to fit me into her schedule. I have never felt that kind of pain and stress wash away. I could feel all the horrible feelings wash right out of my body.

We only got to talk for about 30 minutes last night. Kinda bummed. I wonder when I will get my girlfriend back. I wonder if when she is with these guys, she forgets about me. Maybe I am being replaced. All because she thinks she can handle commitment... but she knows, she admitted, she has a commitment problem. So why jump into something you know you can't handle, and deny you can't? It just doens't make any sense to me. She is so blind sometimes.

Anyways, even after all that, today is our 1 year, 6 months since we went steady. A week from today is 2 years since we have met. So in a way, this is quite an event. I love her to death, and we'll just see if she makes time for me on our day. I hope she does. I DON'T WANT TO LOOSE HER. ESPECIALLY TO SOME SOCCER PUNK, COLLEGE SENIOR, OR ASSHOLE PLAYER. By loose her, I mean let small things happen (cheating). I hope she doesn't contract ostrich syndrome.

Happy 1 and a 1/2 years Molly. I love you!

In other news... I start college tomorrow. Tomorrow at 8:30 am to be exact -_-* Kelli is coming over tonight. We are gonna hang out and go to coffee shops and crap. She is so fun to hang out with. Here is my schedule for school this semester.

Monday
No Classes

Tuesday
8:30-11:20 (3-D) Design
12:30-3:20 Drawing 1
3:30-6:20 (2-D)Design

Wednesday
12:30-3:20 Western Art I

Thursday
8:30-11:20 (3-D) Design
11:30-12:20 Kendall Experience (Optional)
12:30-3:20 Drawing 1
3:30-6:20 (2-D) Design

Friday
12:30-3:20 Writing Studio

Wish me luck, and if you're into praying, please keep me in your prayers. I need help. Lot's of it. So stressed, and lonely. With no one close to me.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 6:04 PM