The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

My Past Due Bitching Post
Listening to: Vindictated by Dashboard Confessionals

If you don’t care to hear me vent and bitch then don’t bother reading on.

Lately life has been different. It feels different. It’s like a dream where you’r standing in a stone desert, the skies are grey and dark. You look around and you see nothing for as far as you can see. No one, and your alone. That’s how I have felt for a few weeks. I have great friends but they aren’t the ones I can really confide in. Dave is the only one. He works nights and we never see each other any more.

Sorry Bob, Mike, Jaime, Ryan and Justin. Nothing personal guys. Each of you I can talk to about something different relating to what you have or know.

I miss talking to someone who talks back or can relate to my stupid fairy tale world of thoughts and stupid scenarios and ideas.

You know I have the world’s greatest girlfriend. If I don’t wake up when it’s sent, I can always find a “Hi hunny, I love you and I hope your day goes good message.” When I do wake up. Every morning that makes me smile. She is great.

As great as she is, Molly doesn’t even talk to me much any more. In fact, Molly doesn’t even talk to me much period. Unless we are saying “I love you, how was your day, I miss you, what you doing tomorrow, are you feeling better” we aren’t saying anything at all. I asked he tonight why she never wants to talk to me any more. I asked if I could call her later and she said no she was going to get online, but she didn’t get on until 8-8:30. Then when she was online, she didn’t talk to me on messenger because she “feels weird about messaging people on cell phones”. When I asked her to please talk, she said she doesn’t know what to say. Then I asked her what she was doing and she said “Talking to people.” WTF!? How the hell can she talk to a bunch of guys all the time and yet never have anything to talk to her boyfriend about? Ugh I pisses me off. I even try to ask her about her day and all I get is a “it was fine”. Not “Today I religion class, my teacher bent over to get a pencil and ripped ass” or even a “Kelli snorted while laughing, then choked on a French fry at lunch.” I mean Jesus people, WTF is wrong with this picture!? It’s like we are two completely incompatible people in that area. It’s like no matter how hard I try I can’t get her to talk to me. No wonder Homecoming night was a night I dreamt about so many times since then. It’s because her and I actually talked!!! Sometimes I think she would be better off dating Shane or Mike because she can talk to them online every night. They are even closer and then she wouldn’t have to hide she went “out” to a movie or to their house to hang from me. I miss having a best friend/girlfriend. I think the reason I miss her so much is this lack of communication. It makes me feel even more distant then what we usually do.

Also, I may have mentioned this to Bob. I forget. I noticed Molly has been… different lately. In fact, her constantly telling me how great I am is a little out of the norm for her. It’s almost like she is buttering me up. I ignored it and thought “What the hell, maybe she perceives me like this.” Well Monday night I guess her and Scott made contact (oh jumpin Jesus for joy). He said on Thanksgiving weekend, he will be home and he wants her to go and hang out with him. The guy she claimed she would never take back and wants nothing to do with his back stabbing ass ever again. Same old song, different station. I see it already. If you’re a frequent flyer of my blog all the way back since April, then you may remember.

Well she didn’t tell me this till tonight (I had to dig it out of her). Of course, I am not surprised. But I think this could be the reason behind her acting different.

*Bangs head on desk* I feel another poem coming to the tip of my pencil. It’s coming. I can feel it. Just give it time peeps. I know something will come up to make me write another poem.

Another thing that pisses me off lately is my brother’s lack of respect and responsibility. He doesn’t do his chores, and he ignores mom’s rules. Ugh, he should just move his ass out.

On top of my stress factor, I have been working a lot more with Don. This trailer renovation is taking forever. I haven’t had time to work out and I am gaining weight again. The only time I have to work out is at 1 AM and sometimes my body just doesn’t have an ounce of energy to start me. The cold weather has made me really hungry too. I need to force myself to not eat. *frowns* What the hell is going on with me!!! It’s like life has spun the tables and decides it’s time to kick my ass. Last weekend I was throwing up I was so sick. The yard at work will grow some mighty thick grass come next spring now. Maybe this is why I am so hungry and my body drags a mile behind me….?

*flops down into his gaming chair* I need to make some changes in my life. Some will be very unexpected and some will hurt, but I know it needs to be done.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 11:55 PM