The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Radical Dreamers
Listening to: Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park

Well, I don't know if life can get any more stressful. You know, my whole life, I have been a dreamer. I didn't let people telling me I was stupid for trying, or telling me how impossible, or even how inconceivable something could be, scare me away or make me think twice about what I was dreaming. I was always very stubborn and set in my ways. If I wanted something bad enough I wouldn't give up. Hmm, Charity that may explain why it took me 2 years to get over you.

My Dad told me dreaming the way I was, was stupid. He said I should join the forces or invest into my future. You can't invest with nothing though and that's all I have.

Well back to my up hill struggle. My mom was denied the loan as a co-borrower, and they won't give me the loan cause I am under 24. My Grandpa was even denied. So now I have two choices. I can wait and see if I get the second look opportunity, which is the same loan higher interest. Or, I can stay here, work full-time, try to get as many scholarships and grants as I can, and try again next fall. I know right now by the sound, feel and look of things, the second option may be the one to fly.

*sigh* I had my heart so set on leaving this place and starting a new adventure in another area of the world. I looked forard to the danger, the sacrafices and the hard work, while learning and advancing in my art. I even looked forward to leaving my family behind and starting my own life, as sick as it may sound. Don't get me wrong, i love my family but Joey isn't my brother anymore. He has changed into a self-centered, uncaring pig fucker and on a blue moon, if Kelley for some reason isn't around, he is a decent guy.

He is always so worried about pleasing her squeeling ass and when she squeels he comes. I don't get her. I honostly don't. I mean, she gets out of breath walking from his room to the living room. My fucking god people... I had an inhaler when I was in 7th grade. It only gets worse if you don't excersise. Heh, he shoulda submitted her at the county fair last week. He would've gotten best of show in the pig contest. He would've won lots of money for her, but lost a girlfriend, or pet... either way. But as I see it, loosing her would be the best thing the kid has ever done. She is a virus, a stain on society. Why did she have to infect my brother with her lazy, self-centered, bitchyness? I want to move away... from her... from him. IT's that bad.

I miss Molly. Everytime I try to talk to her, I don't ever seem to get too. Joey is always on the phone with Smelley, and even if he is on for 12 hours and I ask him to get off at 8:30 cause its my phone time, he doesn't and when mom demands he do so, he uses the Lucifer voice and says "I AM" and then 5 minutes later does so. There's always something coming up where I can't talk to her.

Well.. I dunno. Dreaming radically is dreaming stupid.

Today was prolly the last time I may ever see Charity. Last night we went out for dinner with our youth leader and got pizza. Her and I had a great time. It was just like old times before we dated. I would draw and she would bump my arm. She would start drawing "I heart -------" and I would knock something off the table and when she would go to get it, I would draw a scary monster eating the heart. She would get mad and start to poke my sides cause she knew it tickled me. Then she would tickle me till I cried and begged for mercy. On the way back we talked of good old times. She then asked me "Do you still think I am pretty Marc?" That caught me off gaurd. When I asked her if she still thought I was cute she replied with "Your hideous!" I smiled and said "I knew I could count on you."

She came over at 12:30 and watched a movie with mom and I. We watched Finding Nemo. I surfed the net and worked on some things while they watched the movie behind me. I left the room for a sec and she was on the computer when I got back. So I wrestled her out of it. We all talked and eventually she had to leave. She wanted Mom and I to go with her and the family tonight to Chinease. We declined and watched her pull out of our driveway for the last time. I sat and thought about what Molly must have gone through letting someone who at one point in life meant so much to them go. As she drove off, I stretched and went to play video games not thinking anything of it. "Things happen for a reason" Molly says. We will never know if it is true.

Well I have to go. I am packing to go camping tomorrow. Molly and her family are coming up and I am camping with them. Can you believe it has been a whole year already since I met Molly? This is just crazy.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 8:39 PM