The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

It's Easier To Run
Listening to: See title...

Easier to Run - Linkin Park

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something more
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken from deep inside of me
The secret I’ve kept locked away no one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show they never go away
Like moving pictures in my head for years and years they’ve played

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember the darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a path

(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(If I could take all the shame to the grave I would)
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

Just watching in the sun
All of my helplessness inside
Pretending I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler to change

It’s easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

It’s easier to run
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made)
It’s easier to go
(If I could change I would take back the pain I would)
(Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
(If I could stand up and take the blame I would)
(I would take all my shame to the grave)

I love Linkin Park. Each one of their songs I connect with at one point or another. Tonight, it must be this one. I couldn't sleep. I don't know if I can get to sleep. I am tired, but my eyes won't close, and my brain won't shut off. 3:57 AM.... Morning seems so near. Maybe I can find a movie I will enjoy.

Sometimes I wonder why I keep going in some things. Why I take another step, even though many a times, my fears, or depression seem to wrap me up, engulf me.

Things lately in an area of my life seem to be getting worse, when I was hoping they would be getting better. It's not that they are getting worse, it's just words are being said, that should have never been said at all, because the speaker of those words can't ever seem to keep them, or even remember that they said them.

Sometimes I think of letting go and never looking back
And never moving forward so there’d never be a path

It's true... how can there be a path if your not willing to move forward? I have left two relationships, where someone was always lying to me, and they would always say something, and not mean it... they would make claims, then not stand by them. They would allow themselves with other guys, and eventually, things happened. I don't mean to stereo type, but I am starting to see a pattern in all this.

"You can learn from the past. You can also learn from others mistakes, because you won't live long enough to make them yourself."

Mom told me that when I was a kid. But, has it gotten to the point where I am holding on so tightly that I am affraid of loosing something? Or am I just hurt because the person I love the most, my life, my breath, my heart, WANTS to be with an ex-lover, who has hurt her many times in the past, and who she ran to before me, and confided in before me? Am I wrong to be scared, and hurt over this? Am I wrong to want this guy to leave her life, and for her to not care about him, like she claims she don't? Am I wrong that I hurt so bad right now because she made another claim towards this situation that let me sleep at night, and now wants to go back on?

A really close friend told me something, and the more I think about it, the more I think they are right, even though I don't want to think so. Sometimes, things in life happen for a reason like Molly told me. Could this be a sign?

I don't wanna loose her, and I wish she actually knew the aspects of a whole-heartidly, confiding, relationship. I wish she new the un-written rules... I mean, she didn't know that holding hands with someone else would be something outside a relationship. She is ignorant when it comes to being in a relationship. It's not her fault... but it's hurting me. She doesn't know a life without having guys wrapped around her finger... she doesn't know how having all these kind of guys around, hurts the one guy that loves her the most.

If you think I am just rambling on about something that shouldn't even be on here, well, then you can leave this page. This is my blog. I write stuff here because this is a story of my life... not yours. You don't like it... you'll have to deal. Don't come back... see if I care or even notice.

Tonight on the phone she said:

"Tomorrow will be my last time to see him this summer. Mom and Dad won't let me hang out with him. It'll just be tomorrow... for 15 minutes."

Yeah, well we'll see just how right she is. She has snuck out to see a guy before behind their back, what's to stop her from doing it again? Did she ever stop to think that there is a reason her parants don't want her with him? Grrr.... she is so stubborn and ignorant and blind. She leaps blindly into a abyss of lies, and just as she is pulled back to safety, she does it again, trusting whole heartidly.

The lesson I leave everyone with tonight is:

If you say something, mean it. Words can hurt more then any gun, any blade, and any poison. The more the person being hurt loves you, the more it will hurt them. It can hurt so bad, that the heart has to let go to avoid being hurt yet again.

Love is blind, but love isnt stupid. Eventaully it isn't so blind anymore either.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 4:30 AM