The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Love - Passion to Intimacy

This is a different topic then what I had planned on tonight but... it is the thing that is heavy on my shoulders right now.

Ok, so the whole situation between Molly and Scott has passed, and I really don't have to worry about those two anymore. Scott has his problems with his gf right now, and Molly has hers with me.

I told Molly I forgave her, but last night her and I talked, and I found out some "stuff" she told me never happened when I asked her. The reason she lied, was because she didn't want to hurt Scott. Does anyone else find that kind of ridiculous? She lies to her boyfriend, yet again, when she is supposed to be coming clean with everything, just so she don't hurt someone who was screwing everything up for her.

It hurt, bad. But, at the same time... I could've cared less at that time. I wasn't suprised. I figured, deep down, she was lying to me. My dream... it was real. I told Molly about it a while back, and she gauranteed it hasn't/wouldn't happen. But, I knew she was lying.

I wish she would just stop lying to me. This is like the 5th or 6th time. Each time, I catch her lying and ask her to come clean and she says "that is all". What about next time. One of my best friends asked me this... and he is right.

I found out she is lying to me about yet even more... and I am getting to the point where if I find she is lying in the future about stuff, I am gonna snap and tell her to find someone else. This is a game to her I feel. She says she loves me more then the world. But love doesn't lie like that. If she loved me, she wouldn't lie, cheat, or play with my emotions.

"Once a cheater, always a cheater." I have heard that so many times since 8th grade, and a lot since Molly and I got together. But I still refuse to believe it. You can throw that into a bucket full of "fate, karma, destiny" and toss it into the greese bin. People can change... but some can't. I am trying to make her a better person, but all I have done is set myself up for another heartbreak.

Maybe it's punishment for breaking my vow of no gf's till college. But I honostly thought/think she was the one.

Scott is my friend. Molly is my friend. But those two, can't say no... Scott can come clean when he has to, Molly has to be forced to. Finding this out, really hurt, but has opened my eyes to the real person I am in love with. A liar.

Molly... I know your reading this, and I hope you feel bad right now. I still love you to death, but you lie more then Brittany or Charity do. It's horrible. You claim you want to get married one day, but I don't want to be married to someone I can't trust.

I know your gonna be pissed at me believing something before consulting you. But, the thing is, Scott was coming clean with me and Jessica, just so he can get on with his life, and live happily with Jessica. Last time I consulted you, you lied. The time before that, you lied. The time before that, you lied.

I hurt bad right now. But, by now, I think I am getting used to it. And I know I forgave you, but all that pain is coming back to hit me and join this knew "wisdom". Your karma is kicking our relationships ass. Your lucky I don't believe is such fairy tale shit.

God damnit... I can't begin to describe how pissed off I am. I thought you actually were starting to change Molly... please don't say I love you untill you mean it. I think you love me, but honostly I do think I love you more.

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you." Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own. Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

You get joy from making your love happy. You have no interest in others who would normally attract you. (You wanted Scott, even while we were together, and were jealous of Jessica) It's when you long to be in your love's arms every second of the day. (you say this all the time) It actually feels like your feelings are physically coming from your heart. (I dont know about you, but me on the other is true) When you think of your love you smile no matter how hard your day has been. (Me=true) You see your love with all their imperfections, yet know they are perfect for you. (Im your Cosmo/moron...) Your honost about everything, and anything, even if the truth may hurt. (not seeing it from you)

"The greatest loving relationships exist when both partners love unconditionally. Both are actively thinking of ways to help and please the other, without a thought of what they are getting for it, in return. Each is in the relationship for the welfare of the other, not so that they can feel loved themselves. They are, of course, overjoyed to receive love from the other, but for them, giving love is how they are satisfied, not receiving it."

For a good concept on what love is, go here.

After reading that, I have finally been able to understand why I stay with Molly, and love her.

"To truly love, one must choose to risk everything and become absolutely vulnerable. Countless people have had their hearts broken this way, but countless more have never had their hearts healed, because they would not risk enough. Love heals! It's miraculous!"

Don Jaun said something really smart. There are only four questions of value in life. What is sacred? Of what is the spirit made? What is worth living for, and what is worth dying for? The answer to each is the same: only love.

So please.. people.. anyone who read this. Think before I say I love you. Don't just say it cause you "feel" it. Know it, trust it, and live by it before hand, or else the other will have their heart broken.

I will have to call Molly after school tomorrow so we can talk.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 11:14 PM