The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Where am I?

Have you ever been in a place, you recognize, but at the same time, you feel lost and alone, even if people are all around you? Have you ever smiled and laughed happily, and cried at the same time? Have you ever had a dream, and felt like it was a haunting fear, but you couldn't help wonder if it was true?

Why am I so scared and sad lately? The only person I have to blaim is myself... or do I? There is one thing I know that if the person involved knows that I know, they would be upset... scared of me... but, at the same time, I have a promise to keep, and I can't even talk to my closest my reliable honost friend about it either. Its causing so much stress to build up inside of me I am gonna crack if I don't talk to someone about my fears, and this little tid bit I know. It effects me... why shouldnt I be able to talk with my best friend about it? Right? Its a threat to me... and I don't care how many reasons I hear, he was not justified in it at all...

I have bee horribly depressed lately... I feel like a drag down. Maybe having Ryan hang out with me was a good thing today. All I know is when he left, everything hit me hard again... I am loosing faith... in everything... I am starting to doubt lots of things lately, things that I thought i had figured out the two years I hid myself away cause of Charity. I feel like a puppy after its drunk owner abused it, how its always walks with its head low, and tail between its legs, and is scarred of everything. Girls, every girl, including Molly (sorry babe) know how to hit a guy in their prime, and make them cowar down. The really ironic thing is, she is the one that told me she didn't ever want to keep secrets from each other... but she can't even talk to me about something, because she thinks I will tell someone... hell, she made me stay up all night, posted half of her problems about it to me, and her blog, and scared me to death.

Then Scott, the great and wonderful Scott, put a section labeled Marc (just incase there was any doubt) on his site. Ok, pandoras box and this stroy... great. So I am worrying over something that isnt so big, and it will destroy my relationship. You have bigger things to worry about then what I feel because what goes around, comes around and people who can't be trusted get what they have coming to them. So I would worry more about you and your relationship, and your life. I could give a damn less for certain people sometimes.

Damn it all... I feel so upset because my girlfriend dont open up to me... I wish this would all just go away.

Then last night.. I had a horrible nightmare... I think its a combination of the open ended knowledge I previously learned and my fears. But it still has been digging into my mind, like a drill, going into my heart. I won't post the dream here... if you want to know, I will tell you. (unless you are Scott, because... well just because)

I would say good night, but I am not in that nice of a mood right now.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 9:34 PM