The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

I'm a dick

Ok, so yeah I know Molly and I arent officialy a couple but I love her like a husband loves his wife (or should anyways). Yesterday (Superbowl Sunday) I did something that I now regret. David, Christina and Jessica were over, and well, Dave and Tina had my bed, so I layed on the floor. Jessica was laying next to me. To make a long story short, her and I ended up kissing. Didn't mean anything to either of us, infact, we acted as if it never happened today. All night though it bugged me. I felt like I let Molly down, and after thinking about it all day, I knew I had to tell her. So, I sat in my room and thought of how I would tell her. My biggest fear was loosing everything. But, my heart told me I had to regardless of the outcome. I love her, with all of my heart. I want to marry her, have kids and die with her. Just how I am... how I feel. So I have been through a few girls since Charity, but Molly was the first to light the torch of my heart back up, and she has surpassed Charity in many aspects but the one that stands out best is of how she has mended my wounds, and made me feel alive. Every moment with Molly, online or irl is savored and stored inside of me. When I was feeling down, she knew exactly how to make me feel better. When I needed advice she knew (most of the time) what to say and do. She even still surprises me with new information about her dreams and fantasies to this day. Its been about 5 months since I met her and since then my life has been better. I have again grown close to Brian (which was a friendship that was eventually lost because of girls) and I am at peace with myself. I just can't figure out how I let yesterday happen. I blame the devil. Idle hands are a devils playpen. Right? Maybe sheer ignorance and the fact that I am human, an not an angel like Molly believes me to be. *sigh* When it came to tell her, I was crying... but I did. She was hurt, I knew it, I felt her pain. As much as she said she loved me and it was ok, I could tell she was surpressing a pain as if someone just punched her heart. I will make this up one day to her... I will show her how much I love her. One day. Brian told me it was just a thing that happened, no biggie. He didnt care at all. Molly didnt think he would handle it all to well. Surprised as I was, he said I shouldnt let it bother me. I told him why it did. Anyways, Im a dick. Nuff said. Molly forgave me though and that just shows how wonderful she is. Now, I can sleep tonight in piece knowing that even through something like this, we still love each other with our being. This makes our future together look brighter. I can't wait till it's just her and I.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 11:38 PM