The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Yea ok, so love is stupid. I knew that.

I really don't know whats going on anymore. She has been so strange lately. I mean strange. I have been reading through all our old chat convo's from recently (trillion logs files automatically), and she is being really strange. Tonight, she wasn't in a talkative mood, and she was a bit moody. I didn't bother asking her whats wrong this time... I always ask. And she always gives me the same answer, untill she is ready to talk about it. So, a while back ago, she told me about her friend Bill, who was only a friend. Well, I guess he has been asking her to stay the night at his place sometime. She told me she wasn't going to (but if she does, who am I to get upset over that, Im not her boyfriend?). So that's what was bothering her she said. Well, I tried to make some kind of conversation with her tonight, but like most nights, my efforts are worthless. Tonight, as she logged off, it really hit hard. There has always been these things... but they didn't happen tonight. She didn't even once tell me she loved me. She made the effort of typing out *kisses him on the cheek* Thats it.... she never kisses me on the cheek. And she always has told me to sleep well, or dream of her, or sweet dreams. tonight was just "have a good rest of the night." WTF!? I said good night to her, and she just said Bye. I waited and waited for her to get back online... but she never did... Ok, so you may think, whats so wrong sounding about that...? Ok, after chatting with her for 5-6 months... I know something is wrong with it. First the Mark thing, now the Bill thing and her being really wierd on me... was her cousin right from the start? Maybe I am paranoid? Am I sick of love? I think I actually am getting sick of love. The more I love someone, the more I end up getting hurt. Maybe I should just say screw this whole relationship thing and go to college hating the word love. Tonight, my friends life crumbled down on him. He doesnt have much as it is... and then hif GF chose cocain over him. Now thats screwed people. My other friend Bob was always there for a girl, and now she is erasing his comments on her live journal and blocking him, just because he loves her. Girls suck....

I should take a vacation and not talk/hang out with any of the girls in my life right now. This whole last week my heart has been one big roller coaster. I am emotionally exhuasted. First I find out How my cousin actually died. Then I realize how in love with Molly I am. Then Molly saying she still loves Mark hits home. Now she isn't showing much interest in me as it is. Mom says I should just wait, but I am scarred and I actually just wanna lay and cry and forget about it.

Molly, email me sometime on Monday (tomorrow) if you want me to get online Monday night so we can talk. If I don't get an email, I prolly won't log into AIM unless I need to.

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 10:39 PM