The Journey Is More Important Than The Beginning Or The End.

Thanksgiving - Stressed

I'm so stressed out lately. I have so many things bothering me right now, I actually sat with tears running down my cheeks. I don't know what to do, or where to go anymore. I have lost myself... I want to rip my hair out. My heart too... Especially my heart.

My heart gets me into trouble. Even though I believe one should follow his or her heart before logic. Molly is right. Sometimes I am way to nice... And lately, I am getting sick of being nice. I am sick of people taking advantage of my feelings and throwing them around. It hurts. For instance:

Yesterday in third block, Charity came up to me and asked me if I would give her five bucks to go to Chinese. I said no, I wasn't her BF anymore I didn't need to. She gave me those eyes I was NEVER able to say no to. I mean, these things sparkled like diamonds. I felt my heart screaming inside. She used to look at me like that everytime I had to leave her. I emotionally punched my heart and said "don't look at me like that, I said no! Go find some other guy to use." I could see the life draining from her face when I said that. I walked away. She later came and begged me. She would pay me back, and I still said no. After about 20 minutes of this, I finally cut her a deal. I told her to find 4 people to give her a dollar. If so I would give her a dollar to make five. Well, she ended up leaving with like 6 bucks that day. Why should I help her? Even if she was gonna pay me back? She treated me like crap and said things to me that morning that made me want to crawl back under a rock. *sigh*

Well, on a brighter, more lovely note: Big hang out last night at the Pizza Factory. It was gonna only be 4 guys... but I made a few calls, and arrangements. We took the place over. Let me list who all came. Me, Ryan, David, Mike, Josh, Brad, Amanda, Christina, Erin, Janna, Janna's sister (sorry I forgot which one..), and I think there was one more but I'm not quite sure. It was fun. Really fun. I had the best night last night. It was the first time I hung out with Ryan Trombley. We used to hate each other. But he isn't such a dick anymore and him, Dave and I ended up coming back to my place to chill. This guy is like a white Chris Rock, Loud and funny. We took my moms van and went for some rides around town looking for trash cans and such. We ended up stopping at Jaimes house. After ripping on him like we usually do in choir, we came back and played Bullshit four an hour or two. Watched Jackass... then we finally crashed about 3. Morning was a real waking event. I woke up to Trombley grabbing my foot... I swear, if my leg was 4 inchs longer I would have kicked him in the head. He got up to use the rest room, and as he walked by Dave, he kicked him in the ---- . >_< LOL. Dave is not a morning person. After we all left for our Thanksgiving Events, I served at our Community Thanksgiving Dinner. Unfortinatly... Charity was there. So I had to be with her for a little while. I left and went to my Grandma's. I sat and played guitar, while everyone waited for dinner to get done. We ate... (my second time that day) and I went back to playing. My little cousin (8) put on a thanks giving skit. Cute kid.... all four of them actually. My brother and I walk in and they all screamed my name... I think my brother caught on to this today... When I leave he will be cool... heh. Well everyone, Happy Turkey Day.

~Hasta Manana~

Blogged by Marcus Morris at 11:07 PM